Community post

Tara don't ever feel bad for having to get on here and vent! That's what this is for, right? You all have helped me keep my sanity and I hope that we have helped you keep yours as well. Which means having someone to talk to or just listen. I can't talk to my family about these things like I can to you guys. I mean I can and they will listen, they just wont understand.. so I don't want to burden them with not knowing what to say worrying about hurting my feelings. My sisters are fertile myrtles, literally. And I wish I was as well, however I know I have more planned for me I just have to wait for it to play out.

I've been really conflicted for the past few days.. we've been spending a lot of time at my sis-in-laws with our new niece, Jace loves her but of course he's jealous. So it made me think - is it fair to him to want another? I know that he'll love to have someone to play with all the time, but I don't think he would do too good with a baby around 24/7. As they got a lil older he would love it and I think it would be beneficial to him to have him a sibling kinda close to his age.. but I would also feel so bad at the same time to take away his 100% attention. He's mommy's boy, and I don't know if I would be good at sharing attention. I've been stuck in my tracks and don't know which way to go. I know what I want, but I don't know if that's what my son needs. I don't want to be selfish. But I have to be happy as well!

@astrid- wow! I converted the money and that would be sooo cheap here compared to what they do charge. Wow!

@jacesmama- That is a dilemma. My oldest sister is like 42, my middle sister is gonna be 34 and I'm going to be 29. We loved yet couldnt stand eachother growing up. My middle sister and I are the closest but we didnt become close until I was 16. We played as children but when she reached 10 years old, she couldnt stand me cause I was the annoying baby sister. We still had our moments where we'd be super close but we were siblings and there was jealousy and fights but we still loved eachother. I know some moms who had their kids really close in age...like less than 2 years apart. My friend's kid is almost 3 yr old, loves to help out and read to her 7 month old brother. But she has her jealous moments and needs one on one time with mommy or daddy sometimes. My point is...no matter what age they are when siblings come in, there will always be jealousy and fights but there will also always be love :)

OK so update...I've been so emotional lately (got dh's class ring back, watching greys anatomy last night and dealing with my sister yesterday and today we my sister and I went to our friend's grandma's funeral. We also went on a hunt to find my great grandparent's grave). I've been cramping a bit since the spotting....like right now for example lol. Spotting only lasted like 2-3 days (tuesday, wednesday and part of thursday). Nothing yesterday or today. AF due probably wednesday. Checked cervix...no blood just lots of cm. Nips are sore again and my temp is back up. I'm constantly wondering if I'm bleeding. My family is gonna think I have a bladder infection with as much as I go to the bathroom to check lol.

No wonder you've been so emotional Tara, you've had quite a week! I'm so anxious waiting for some great news in here!!

I've become an aunt again twice within a week! Both sis-in-laws had baby girl's within 5 days of each other, that's crazy!! I've got about a week til o time so I'm making sure we have everything covered. I hate that you can time it all perfectly, do exactly what you're supposed to when you're supposed to, and it still doesn't happen. I know its all up to Him, I'm just not good at waiting!!

Today isnt getting any better. Lots of cm but seeing a discoloration in it. To top it off my sister is late and is going to poas at our parents' house today so I'm stuck in hell!

Her pregnancy test was negative but I just had to sneak off to cry in dh's arms...the fertility clinic that offered my sister that job as an ivf nurse...is my fertility clinic!The only one dh and I can afford. Meaning she'd be my ivf nurse. Why?!! jesus please let the inositol and vitex work!!!!!! Girls I need your prayers...i'm hanging on by a thread today.

Wow Tara, that's about the last thing you need!! Couldn't imagine having to see her for the ivf AND have her know your whole history that you've managed to keep to yourselves for this long. Hopefully you're not going to need it though!!! :) But then again maybe it's supposed to happen this way, maybe you can get some discounts or some new information.. which I'm sure you probably know more about ttc than they do! I do know that everything happens for a reason, so even as horrible as it may sound, something has to come from it! I'm sorry you're having all this extra stress all thrown on you at once. Sending you big hugs and prayers!!

@Tara - i will write you here a Story that Comes from a very loved romanian Monk:

A family went on a trip to England to buy something from a beautiful antique shop for the celebration of the 25th anniversary of marriage. Amandurura you liked antiques and clay products, ceramics, especially tea cups. They observed an exceptional cup and asked: "We can see that cup? I have never seen anything so beautiful. "While Ms. give them what they had asked, cup of tea began to speak:

"You can not understand. I did not start as a cup of tea. Some time ago I was just a lump of red clay. The master took me and rolled me, beat me hard, repeatedly tormented me, and I cried, "Do not do that!" "I do not like!" "Leave me alone," but he just smiled and said gently: "I do not!"
Then, ah! I was sitting on a wheel and was spun, spun, spun. "Stop!" Dizzy! You'll be sorry! "I cried. But the master only nodded and said, quietly, "not yet." I twisted, tormented me and hit me and I got molded to shape who I agreed and then put in the oven. I have never felt so warmly. We cried, we fought and I hit the door ... "Help! Get me out of here! "

I could see him through an opening and I could read his lips while shaking his head from side to side "not yet." When I think that I will not stand another minute, the door opened. Carefully pulled me out and put me on the shelf ... I started to cool off. Oh, I felt so good! "Well, this is much better," I thought. But after I refreshed, he took me and I brushed color everywhere ... smells were horrible. I thought I suffocate. "Oh, please, stop, stop, I cried!" He just nodded and said: "I do not!"
Then suddenly I was put back in the oven. But now was not like the first time. It was twice as hot and I felt that I would suffocate. I asked. I insisted. I shouted. I cried, I was convinced that I would not escape. I was ready to quit. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again put me on the shelf, where I chilled and waited and waited wondering: "What is going to make me?"

An hour later he gave me a mirror and said, "Look at you." And I looked. "That's not me; it can not be me. It is beautiful. I'm beautiful !!! "
He spoke gently, "I want you to remember: I know you were hurt when rolled, molded, hit, spun, but if you would have been left alone, you would have dried. I know you were dizzy when I spun the wheel, but if I would have stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was very warm in the oven and unpleasant, but I had to put you there, otherwise you would have cracked. I know you did not smell good when I brushed and I colored everywhere, but if I had not done that, or you'd never have glow in life. If you did't go for the second time in the oven, you would not have survived too much because you wouldn't have been strong enough. Now you are a finished product. Now you're what I had in mind when I first started working with you. "

The moral is this:
God knows what to do with all of us. He is the potter and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us susceptible to the pressures needed to be perfect to accomplish His holy Will.
If life seems difficult and you are hit, beaten and pushed almost mercilessly; when the world seems to be spinning out of control you; you feel like you're in terrible suffering when life seems terrible, do yourself a tea and drink it in the nicest cup, sit down and think about what you read here and then talk a little with The Potter.

Hope it helps you just as it helpes me when i feel down.

Lots of love and Baby dust to all of you beautiful Ladies!

Sorry if the Translation is not 100% correct, i am at work and i have to use Google translate since i do not have enough time to translate on my own :)))

Tara when do you plan to poas?

Oh Tara, that is possibly the worst thing you could have found out!!!! Maybe once she sees how serious fertility is once she starts working there she will be understanding.. Maybe? Is that wishful thinking????? I wish I could hug you and share a bottle of wine with you right now!

Jace's Mom, I understand your concerns.. My daughter is 15 and up until I met me husband I swore I would never have anymore cause she was my one and only and never did I want her to feel like I didn't love her as much as I loved the baby. However as much as I am happy I didn't have anymore children with her Father, I seen how hard it was growing up as an only child.. That is why I do not want just one now, I want two more. And I do not want a big age gap, I want them to be able to play together and be friends. The further apart they are the harder it will be to enjoy having a sibling. My older sister and I are 5 years apart, then my younger is a year and half younger (we are the closest!), then my youngest is 5 years younger than I am. I absolutely LOVE having my sisters, they are my Best Friends. Amy, the one that is a year and half younger than me is who I talk to about EVERYTHING! She knows all about my TTC journey, marriage issues when they arise, etc. She truly is my rock. Without her I truly would have lost my mind! I wish I would have given my daughter a Sister to have that bond with.