Community post

Thank you so much for the warm welcome waitingonmymiracle!!!! And for your kind, thoughtful words. That really touched me.

I'm sooo happy and thankful to hear you're doing well!! It really made my day to read your post. Sorry for the long delay in responding, life has been sort of busy I guess and also I struggle with my health as I have Hashimoto's and I'm now reaching that age where hormones are acting up (46) so the two combined are wreaking a bit of havoc these days.

I'm sorry to hear about all you are dealing with right now with your family and everything. It seems like too much! But I can see that your faith really upholds you and it's the same for me.

I'll keep checking for any updates, but until then, you'll continue to be in my prayers! Thanks again!

Oh, and I loved the photos!!! You look amazing!!!

Tara,

I love the pics!! You look so beautiful

So, I'm now 16w 4d. Finally had my first doc appt on Dec 4 and the baby is doing well. I'm finally starting to feel a bit more movement and the doc said my due date is June 4, but since i have to have another c-section, i will be scheduled 2 weeks before my due date which will put me at mid May. My next appt is Jan 4.

I also have an unfortunate situation currently unfolding with my ex about my daughter. He has a habit of seeing her once every 3 weeks to 2 months and then will try to pick her up and take her out and she doesn't go willingly because the trust is not there. Back in January, he decided to pull a fast one on me and just kept her from me, refusing to give her back for a night and ever since that time, she has not trusted him to take her anywhere. I have tried to tell him that she isn't trusting him and he just turns it around and tell me that it's always about me. She's gotten to the point where if she even thinks he's going to leave with her, she starts screaming and crying so hard that her whole body shakes. He only picks her up while i'm at work so my mom, who watches her, tried to bring her out to his car and she will cling on for dear life and cry because she doesn't want to go and he refuses to believe that she doesn't trust him saying that she's fine and that I'm just selfish. We don't have a court order and he doesn't pay a dime for child support. I have been civilized and cooperative up to this point, but it's taking a toll psychologically on my daughter and I cannot continue to force her to go. She's 2 and she knows what she wants. He was going to try to keep her tomorrow and bring back on sunday but i told him politely that she doesn't trust him enough to make that stay and she won't be okay with that. I also told him that he cannot just come around once every few weeks and then decide to just have her overnight and that she has trust issues and this would only make it worse. He told me that i'm selfish and that i always make it about me and that it's me who has trust issues. So i've started looking for private a attorney. I honestly have no problem with him playing a role in her life as he thinks i do. Now if she actually expressed that she wanted to go with him, i wouldn't mind it a bit, but he doesn't want to see or hear the truth. I actually really feel bad that i have to do this, but i don't have another choice. I have to do what's best for my daughter and if i let him take her tomorrow, i know that he will refuse to give her back just to spite me. I will not hand her over. I have a hunch that he may try to come and take her tomorrow so i let my boss in the loop and he let me off just in case.

Hey,

I noticed no one has been on since my last post, but I wanted to update you guys anyway. I am 18 weeks, 3 days and i had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Baby's heartbeat is perfect, sitting at 150 and is a little wiggle worm. I am feeling movements at this point, but nothing regular. I also have sciatic pain, which sucks, but doctor told me that second pregnancies are usually more uncomfortable than the first, which so far, has proved to be true. I am waiting on a call from the office to have my appointment scheduled in 2 weeks to do the anatomy scan and find out baby's gender. Other than some discomforts baby is perfect.

I hope everyone's Christmas and New Years went well.

On the subject of my ex and my daughter, I'm freakin stressing about it and i'm trying not to. So much has happened in just the week that i posted last. So be prepared for yet another long post. i'm so sorry, but i need somewhere to vent and encouragement or advice or something. December 22, i was at work and received a phone call that my father, who lives in Ohio, was not breathing and no longer had a pulse. His wife refused to call 911 and didn't let her step son call either. Instead, she drove off, he went inside to dial 911 and gave her license plate to them. She spent 45 minutes looking up directions to the hospital, which she should've already known being that they lived there for a little over a year already and my father has been on dialysis for 4 years. As she told the story, she got to the hospital 45 mins later and they worked on him for an hour (which i doubt). I left work immediately trying to maintain my composure. When i got home, my mom told me that my dad was gone. My mom and dad were never married and remained best friends over the years. I got a flight out to Cleveland on saturday night, with the help of my brother and sister. My brother flew out sunday night only for a few hours to be there for my support as i was leaving monday morning to come back home. So friday when my dad passed away, i texted my ex and let him know that my dad passed away and my daughter and i were flying to cleveland asap. He later replied that he was sorry for my loss, however upon my return, he would suggest that i provide documentation or i would hear from his attorney. I didn't respond to that text and came back and continued to mourn and try to take things day by day. So bringing this up to yesterday, which would be Jan 3, he sent me a text saying that he had been on vacation and that we needed to sit down and clear the air and work out a parenting agreement that would be mutually beneficial for both of us as he believes his time with our daughter should be about him and her and has nothing to do with me. He said his second issue is nobody should be telling him about not spending enough time with her, but then try to control when he does. (which is something i never did. whenever he wanted to see her and asked to see her, i always let him and never tried to keep him away). He went on to say that he's 40 years and he has to work to make sure that he can retire and afford to put her through school or whatever she wanted to do. He offered a proposal to counsel to come to an understanding. Again, i didn't respond because i honestly feel like the courts should handle this. So, today, Jan 4, i got another text from him saying:"I'm tired of waiting on a response, I'm informing you that my attorney will be filing a motion for joint custody of Nalani which i should have done from the beginning because you don't want to do what is right. I know you got my messages, and I know you lied about Ohio. I'm done playing games with you. This will ensure that I get my time with Nalani. I didn't want to put her through this but I believe it's in her best interest. That is the way you should be thinking instead of thinking only about yourself. Very disappointing."

I'm no longer responding only because I don't want to continue going back and forth and I still feel the courts should settle this. I'm looking for an attorney to help me in this situation and i'm so overwhelmed with everything. I'm trying not to stress too much so that I don't upset the baby, but it's so hard. I just want to break down, but i'm trying to stay strong for my daughter and this little one. I have no money for an attorney and I don't know what do. I'm so sorry about such a long post but i didn't really know where else to vent and i don't like using facebook to vent about things like this. It's too public for me and i don't like putting all my business out for everyone i know to read and be nosy.

Tara --> OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! You're having a BABY!!! I logged in for the first time in probably a year, and the FIRST thing I see is your ultrasound pictures! I am literally in tears now!! I don't even know what to say! I texted Kasey Cordell as SOON as I read everything and she's in tears too! I can't think of anyone more deserving of a beautiful baby than you!!

enbutler --> Your doctor is so right about second pregnancies sucking worse than the first one did; my pregnancy with my daughter was miserable! I am so terribly sorry about your father's passing. My Daddy passed in August of 2012, and it was the first time I can remember feeling TRUE grief. Like, the soul-crushing kind of grief. I felt like I was drowning in it. Please PM me anytime if there's anything I can do to help you through it.

I know that the vast majority of the ladies in here don't know me. I was active a while ago. I think my last post was shortly after we found out that my daughter Abbi had rare congenitcal heart defects, and a single kidney. We found out around 24 weeks. I had spent 2.5 years TTC for her. I had my husband sent home from Afghanistan, and started got weekly Dr visits from there on out.

I was induced at 37+6 and after 11 hours, my Abbi Mae was born! She was pink as could be, and just gorgeous! I had a NICU team standing by, and they examined her ASAP. I learned THEN that my daughter had also been born without an anus. WHAT?! That's a thing??? Yep. She had an imperforate anus. So on day 2, she was transferred to Dell Children's Hospital in Austin, where she underwent surgery, which allowed her to poo into a colostomy bag. Yeah. So NOT what I had envisioned! But after the surgery I could finally begin giving her the breast milk I had been pumping. After a procedure to stretch her pulmonary artery to allow for more oxygenated blood to be circulated, we were finally released from the NICU after 28 days. We were home just in time for Christmas last year! I had to chart every feeding, weigh her every day, and take her SpO2 (pulse-ox) levels every day, but we were home and (aside from being in her car seat) she was a happy girl! As she approached 5 months old, we knew that it was time to finally HAVE open heart surgery to repair her hearT. On April 13, 2017 my Abbi had surgery to repair her DORV,VSDs/PS, and the surgery went well! They had to start her on dialysis on day 2 to help her single kidney filter out all the fluid, and by day 3 she was getting some breast milk via her NG tube!! They went back in to repair a leak in the dialysis, and to explore her chest, and when the surgeon touched her heart - it stopped. They had to manually restart her heart, and after that disaster, her surgeon (Camille is her name) felt that our best bet was to place her on ECMO, a form of life support that would let her heart and lungs rest. We would try to pull her off ECMO in 48 hours and see how she did. When they did, she was able to hold her own for 7 hours before they had to place her back on ECMO. We tried every 48 hours, and each time she made it less and less time. On April 26th, Camille told us that her little heart was shot, and that they were going to transport her to Dallas Children's to be put on a different machine (a Bi-VAD) that could sustain her longer than ECMO with less risk, while she was evaluated for a possible transplant. We went to dinner and packed most of our things, and then came back to see Abbi Girl. We asked to see the doctor on call after seeing her, and asked him to be truthful. Her feet and legs were blackish-purple, and so were her hands and forearms. I had seen that before on my Daddy, hours before he died. It's called mottling. I asked the Dr if she was dying. He said that she was. He said that even if she got a new heart tomorrow, due to the lack of blood flow to her arms and legs, she would lose both legs above the knee, and both arms almost to the elbows. And given that her kidney had shut down by that point, she was no longer a candidate for transplant. We stayed with her that night, and when Camille came in the next morning, we told her we were done. SHE was done. They had carved on her like a turkey for 13 days straight; this day would be about her. I spent the day getting her ready. I bathed her and scrubbed all the dried blood and goop off her body, and put J&J lotion on her. I painted her nails and toenails hot pink, because every little girl deserves to have their nails done at least once. When Camille was ready, I assisted her in removing Abbi's chest tubes, and she assisted me in putting on her last diaper and a sweet set of jammies. She cried the whole time. The nurses found me a rocking chair, and laid her in my arms. As they went to step out, I whispered the 5 hardest words I've ever said: "Please turn off the machines." They did, and left. Just me, Abbi Mae, her Daddy, and our parents. The docs could see her heart monitor outside, but they turned it off in the room. I rocked her and talked to her and snuggled her for less than 5 minutes before they came in and told us she was gone. My Abbi Mae passed on April 27th, 2017 at 3:09pm.

And as we approach the year mark, Matt and I have decided to try again. I'm nervous and terrified, but our family is no longer complete. I just got my +OPK today, so tomorrow is O day. I know this tale is a sad one, but I knew some of the Oldie Moldies would ask about my girl, so I figured I'd better get the story out there.

This is my Abbi Girl the morning of surgery.

Oh Linda, she was simply beautiful!! My heart breaks for your loss.
Sending you the biggest hugs and deepest condolences.