Community post

Despite what I just posted above...It's the middle of the night, I cant sleep and all I can think about is my angel babies. I think the depression I'm feeling right now should be called Empty Womb Syndrome.
I feel so lost in this ttc journey.
But I WONT give up!
Now if I could just fall asleep

Hello Ladies

I hope you will accept me in your Group. I am Astrid, 34, from Germany. We are trying for our first Baby for 2 years now, had a MC in the meantime. Doctors discovered Insulin resistance and i am now on myo-inositol for the last 2 months. This months i OV on day 11!!! so i am pretty much sure i am out this month but somehow i can't stop hoping... :)))
Wish you ladies a great day!

I've been wondering if my sanity can handle it.. the mental strength it takes to keep trying month after month, I'm really wearing myself down. I know its completely worth it to get that end result, its just extremely hard sometimes.

Tara I've seen your strength and I know you can do this. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time last night, we just gotta keep on keeping on! Know that it'll all come to be in His time.

Welcome Astrid, this is a great group to be in for support, laughs, and sharing crazy. So make yourself at home!

Mandy how's it going your way?

Tara it is HARD, you my dear have been through more than I have and yet your strength to carry on gives me strength. I think about my two angel babies all the time, especially when I am having doubts and around my due dates. I also wonder if/when it is ever going to happen. I believe in Gods time but I also fight the demons asking why are all these crack heads having babies? Why would God give them one and not me? I will try Femara/IUI in April and depending on scheduling I am making him let me do injections in May IF it doesn't interfere with our Napa Valley trip. Same with June, we are going to Santa Monica/LA for a week so depending on schedules it may be July before we try another round. I'm praying of course it doesn't come to that but if it does maybe a couple months off would do me some good! Help me relax :-) IF after a round of injections I still am not pregnant I will move on to IVF. However he will have to let me try injections/IUI before I move to IVF. I want to be able to say that we tried EVERYTHING.

Astrid22, and WELCOME!!!

@Jace's Mom, I am good.. 6DPO today so nothing out of the ordinary to report. I refuse to symptom spot cause every month I have pregnancy symptoms. LOL
I have had weird cramping since ovulation but I am chalking it up to NORMAL. This morning I got really nauseous in the truck on the way to work. Again, NORMAL cause I get car sick very very easy!

Just taking it day by day and praying for a positive outcome even though sometimes I can't help but go back "it is never going to happen!"

Sounds like you've got a good plan Mandy! Hopefully you won't have to think about it anymore after this month!! :-) I'm waiting to see some bfp's flying around for someone!

As for me, I am drained.. mentally, physically, emotionally. I really had taken the whole process for granted. My son was a surprise, planned, but surprised that it happened so soon. So I didn't realize all that it takes from you to keep trying month after month. Even getting the chance to be stunned when I saw positives again just to have it stripped away within a week. I really believe that my body needs a break, even though that means it'll be longer before I see my baby, I just don't know how much more my mind can handle. Only on cd3 so I've got a lil while to think and pray about it.

Hi Ladies and thanks a lot for the welcoming!
It makes me really sad when i surf the Internet and i see women everywhere with conceiveing Problems... i never imagined that i would be fighting over 2 years for a Baby... i always hat periodic Check-ups, i only took AC for 6 months when i was 16, never had an abortion... never had any diseases of any kind... and still, here i am, trying for over 2 years...

It took me a lot of time to go pass the whole crazy thoughts in the TWW: "my belly feels funny..i could be pregnant", "i felt a twinge in my belly... could be Implantation"... and so on and so on, even when i sneezed i was thinking i could be pregnant.. I educated myself to try and ignore all the crazy thoughts and to stop planning everything based on "what if i am pregnant at that time". Found a Balance but it is very very fragile.

Thanks for the babydust and lots of sticky Magic babydust to you too!

Astrid how many days past ov are you? My tww just ended Monday.. I had all these different feelings like gurgles and sharp twinges, I thought for sure this is it! But for me it wasn't. I always say I'm not gonna symptom spot and get all excited but I break every single time. I hope this is it for you!! Time for some more good news in here!

7DPO and other than the typical twinges/cramps/pulling I feel NOTHING! However I did cry at work today, my DH pissed me off! Lol sometimes working with your spouse sucks :-)

Astrid, I try super hard not too symptom spot. Sometimes I feel I am too negative about it all. My husband says I have no Faith in getting pregnant. IT IS HARD TO STAY POSITIVE!!!! After years of trying and two miscarriages.

Dang....refinancing is confusing! On day 3 of progesterone and I have 3 new pimples on my face (1 per day maybe? lol) I'm feeling better. I wrote my last post at 11:30 at night while laying in bed. I feel asleep and dh woke up at 2:30 in panic mode thinking he heard the doorbell and someone was breaking into our house. He grabbed the taser and like a half asleep ninja, he tiptoed through the house. I, sitting in bed with a heart pounding adrenaline rush, held my phone ready to call 911. He came back into the bedroom and said the cat knew something was up cause he ran past him and to the front door. And cocked my head at him and said, "honey, the cat is right here next to me passed out cold."
Turns out the "doorbell" was all in his head (which I understand cause I've woken up to glass breaking but no broken glass...weird). Anyways, he did a facepalm and said he was losing his mind and went back to bed....leaving me sitting in bed dumbfounded and still in panic mode. I tried to go back to sleep but kinda hard to with one eye open lol. But here I am 2 days later, moving forward. Granted it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized it was the 26th (due date of my 3rd angel). Where is the time going? It sucks that with infertility you lose time. It feels like February 2012 was just yesterday! As hard as it is to concentrate on stuff other than babies, I have to force myself to keep living my life to the fullest and be happy in THIS moment until God blesses us, cause those are 3 years that I cant get back. Yet, I wouldnt do anything different cause that would mean I wouldnt have all my angel babies waiting for me in heaven...does that make sense? I love how I say this but I know that everything I do and every decision I make will still involve ttc lol. For example, we are refinancing our home loan and my first thought was, 'OH yea! We can use the saving towards the RE!"

@astrid- Hi sweetie! Welcome! Wow....Germany? That's amazing. I love that we have girls from all over the world! I'm sorry you've been fighting this battle and sorry you lost your angel baby. It's one of the hardest things a woman could go through. But I'm so glad you found this forum cause now you have a group of cheerleaders that got your back . I thought I was the only one that thought sneezing may be a symptom LOL! I'd sneeze or get a pain in my foot and be like, "Is that a symptom!!!" and google it lol. Yep...we're crazy .

@xomandy- I hate/love how our lives revolve around our cycle days and treatments. No one understands when you tell them you may not be able to travel out of town that weekend cause it may wind up being IUI day. It's like, I'm not going to spend hundreds of dollars on fertility treatments to just cancel it so I can see you for 12 hours. It sounds selfish but sometimes we have to be. lol Oh and vice versa...the strength that I have that in turn strengthens you, restrengthens me. IT'S A FREAKISHLY AWESOME CIRCLE!!!

@jace's mama- You've got this honey! . As hard as it gets and as emotional of a roller coaster as it may be....it'll be completely worth it! And those moments that you feel you have no strength left.... "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
My strength is God is what has given me strength over these past 3 years .If not for Him....I would have been a straight jacket a long time ago ROFL!

Thank you Tara. The fact that that made me cry made me realize how much I needed to hear that. You've helped me way more than you know, and you still continue to. The strength that we share with each other means so much. On days that I feel weak, your alls strength helps me.. and on days y'all are feeling weak I hope my strength helps you as well. If not for this group Im not sure exactly where I'd be at in life right now, I just know I'm extremely grateful for finding this forum when I did and was able to renew my strength in God as well as in myself.
Glad to read you didn't have to call 911! I've had dreams like that and wake up freaking out knowing it was real.. thankfully they weren't, but you sure as heck can't go back to sleep lol.

7dpo already Mandy, I'm so excited for you! Only 1 more week to go :-)

Astrid, where in Germany are you from? I was born in Augsburg on an army base.. came back to the states before I turned 1 so I don't remember any of it but my sisters do. From all the pictures we've got it was beautiful!!