Community post

Tara - I know we already talked, but I wanted to say on here that I really thought this was it, too, but you did not let any of us down. You are and always have been there for all of us & we will be for you, too.

Vettechgirl- What I saw on the tests looked like maybe the antibody strip. I couldn't detect any pink, but fingers crossed!

No worries phat! I'm just hoping it gets darker.

@holly- i hope the clomid does the trick. I tried femara but my eggs just didnt react well at the dose they gave me. Part of me would like to try it again at a higher dose.

Thank you miss phat :)

No bleeding yet but I'm sure that's probably because of the suppositories. Which is also the cause of the sore nipples right now. Was kinda hoping it would just start so I could skip the blood test. It's really hard walking in there just days after a happy blood test. Dh and I curled up last night and he opened up. He's just trying to remain positive as always and he's telling himself that this is different, that my numbers will go up...as he always hopes. AFM- I'm going through the "what did I do wrong?" phase. Parints mentioned that they thought it was my use of electronic stimulation (vibrator) that caused issues with implantation. I kinda snapped that I hadnt used it since 4dpo (before implantation would occur). We had sex the first half of the tww but the lastest was 8dpo. It's like my lining is made of armor or something. I barely had any coffee...only an iced coffee I made on 5dpo. And I had a few glasses of iced tea on 9dpo. Looks like I'm cutting out all sex post fertile period and caffeine. I find it amazing how women can be alcoholic, cigarette smoking, drug attacks...and get pregnant so easily. I find myself so envious when someone gets a positive pregnancy test and tells everyone the same day. Then they have a perfect pregnancy and never had to worry about m/c.

I think what's scaring me right now is 1- how much longer will this take and how many more babies will I have to lose? 2- I'm only going to get so many chances with IUI before they say 'sorry, your only option is IVF or adoption'. I'm really scared you guys

Tara I am so sorry honey :-(
I know there is nothing I can say to ease your heartache. Are you going to do another IUI?

I want to ...since it sorta worked. Not sure yet. We will at some point.

Big hugs Tara!

Were you on prednisone this time too, or just progesterone? I would ask for the next IUI if you can take Lovenox from the trigger and progesterone and prednisone from the IUI day until a heartbeat is seen on ultrasound.

If you have any undiagnosed autoimmune issues that are affecting implantation, the prednisone will help that. If it's a clotting issue causing implantation problems, the Lovenox will help that. And obviously you'll need to be on a higher dose of progesterone starting earlier.

I feel for you so much. I know what it's like to go through the IUI's and see the positive tests only to have it ripped away from you days or weeks later. Feels like the most cruel joke in the world.

I am so sorry Tara - I know nothing anyone can say can mend your broken heart. Just time will make it better. You are so strong and a positive person so I have all the faith in the world you will pick yourself up and keep on.
When you do get your miracle baby, you can tell them how badly you wanted them and that the most difficult path lead you to them and it is the greatest victory you've ever accomplished.
You've created such a wonderful forum for all those struggling to find support and words of advice. You are amazing and you will be an AMAZING mom one way or another!
There's much love here for you dear. Take heart. xoxoxoxo

@lisserb- i've been on prednisone 5mg since cd 1 and the endometrin I started on 8dpo. This was a weird cycle as far a progesterone goes. Normally my progesterone at 7dpo is almost 20 and it's almost 40 when I get a bfp. Very weird that it was only 14.5 at 7dpo and dropped to 10 at bfp. Makes me wonder if the other losses were mthfr caused and this one was just bad eggs(considering they werent giving off large amounts of estradiol). I dont know....and I probably never will. Just sucks that it keeps happening back to back. I read that PCOSers can have bad endometrial receptivity (thin lining, bad bloodflow). So femara is used instead of clomid. Except, I have normal lining on clomid. I really hate my body right now.

I snapped at dh last night about a joke he made about my uterus. I told him that apparently my endometrium is impenetrable and the embryo just cant find a safe spot to land. He laughed and said, "Oh, so uterus is the Death Star!" I have to admit...part of me inside did giggle. But then I got angry and said that it was the perfect nickname for an organ that keeps killing our babies. He apologized and said he didnt mean it like that. Told him I was going thru an anger phase. He then gave me a brilliant idea. He said I need an outlet for my anger...like a fight club. So....If I ever created a new forum, I'd name it...INFERTILITY FIGHT CLUB! First rule of infertility fight club...there is no infertility fight club! .....
At least I have a sense of humor still.

@ kristi- thank you sweetheart! You are all my best friends despite never meeting in person. I dont know how I could get through all of this without you supporting me . And your comment "take heart"....makes me think of Wonderheart bear from the Carebears lol.

Tom Hanks quote from The Money Pit is a perfect fit.... " I've been here so long I thought the Care Bears were here!"