Community post

I am so pissed at what a waste today was. First I had to see a different dr than last time who has a completely diff view than the other. Last dr was my favorite out of the whole practice (theres like 7 diff ob's altogether). He was all for d&c asap if that was what I wanted & it was what he suggested.. he said that at this stage it can get pretty painful & I'd still go into lbor & a lot of bleeding & all that. The dr today made me feel so stupid for even wanting a d&c. He said this early it's really unnecessary. He says its not gonna be bad, no worse than a period. I highly doubt that after reading too many people's experiences & from pictures I've seen. He said let's just give it another week. I just said 'look, I came in here today praying you'd just say come on lets go lets do the d&c now'. He just said if that's what you really want then ok, be here early in the morning they'll get you set up out front. Go out front & they say he's booked tomorrow. So we set it for Monday. As soon as I left they called & said 'oh we're sorry, we didn't realize Monday was a holiday & since it's an elective surgery they can't schedule it.' She said unless I'm bleeding profusely it's not an emergency & just have to wait for an opening, which isn't until next Thursday. So now I have to go on waiting like I have been for a whole nother week!! I know if it starts back up like it did yesterday then I can't handle it, bleeding or not I'll go in whether they like it or not. Probably wouldn't do anything but oh well.

I hate to hear that, Jace's Mama. If you go to the ER, they may very well do the D&C for you if the pain starts back up.

@jace's mama- I'm sorry that doctor is being an sob. By the sound of him, I wouldnt even want him to touch me. I bet if it were him going thru it, he'd want a d&c. Is there anyway of getting ahold of the previous doctor you saw?

@poasprincess- Welcome darlin! Where are you in your wait?

@2frsty- that's an awesome number :). I agree. I dont want to do IVF unless it's absolutely necessary but the further I get...the more I wonder. Happy Birthday to your son by the way. My nephew is 3 now and he was born like 3 days after I started the forum. So weird already discussing kindergarten.

@xomandy- treatments are always such a pain around holidays. The lake sounds nice. I miss sitting out on the boat with my feet in the water and a fishing pole in my hand. Dh and I are heading on a 7 hour road trip from St Louis to Fort Wayne, Indiana for his family's annual reunion. Leaving tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to it but then I'm not. It so frustrating dealing with the nosey relatives that give us a guilt trip for not giving my inlaws grandkids yet. They like to corner me and tell me that my inlaws dont have much longer on earth and need some babies to love on. It's like...oh hey what a coicidence, me too!!!! I have to just turn a deaf ear. I've been telling them recently that it's in God's time but they dont put two and two together. Is it November yet?

I know the previous Dr was off today.. they called & talked to him while I was standing there. He's the one that said to schedule me first thing Monday morning & he'd be the one doing the surgery. He's an awesome Dr & my favorite. He was.suggesting that I had it down in the first place - he was the only one that was really genuinely worried about the emotional pain that goes along with all this. After they realized Monday was a holiday they talked to the other Dr that I saw instead of calling the first one back at home. I have no idea of how to get a hold of him personally. I wish so much that I could've been able to think clearly about this on Monday as I'm site if I had my mind set on it that the first Dr would have had me in & the d&c over with already..

Jace's Mama - how do feel physically right now?

Phat, right now I feel exhausted .. really crampy. Still getting the real sharp pains on & off. Haven't had anymore contractions & praying that I font before the surgery. Just scared to death it'll be ant minute. No matter how bad I have to pee I hold it til I'm about to bust cuz I'm so scared to see blood when I do. Every step I take, every time I take Jace outside I don't know if ill male it back inside in time. The not knowing when it'll happen is driving me even crazier.

I feel like such a failure in so many ways right now. I couldn't protect my tiny baby that was growing inside me & now I'm absolutely helpless to be able to do anything about it. My son is my light, my sunshine through this darkness.. he is my everything - and right now I can't even be the mother he's used to me being. I'm so thankful for my husband& my mom who's taking care of him like he truly needs, but I hate that I can't right now. Nothing should ever keep me from being there for him, but right now I'm very much lacking physically & completely emotionally for him. He needs me to be who I was a week ago, & I need it to.

You are not a failure. None of this is in your control. I'm glad to hear you are not in a lot of pain right now, and I hope everything holds off until your surgery.

I know the loss was way out of anyone's control. I just hate the fact that I can't be 100% there for Jace. I take care of his physical needs like changing, bathing, feeding him. I try to play with him & try to laugh when he's being silly but all I can do is hug him & cry. Its just so unfair to him. I feel like I should be able to pull it together for him.

You need to grieve, and you being open about it shows him it's okay. Feeling bad about it isn't helpful, and you've got help for him. Lean on the people helping, and continue to grieve.