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It was the strangest appointment I've ever had. They couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, but when they tried the external ultrasound, they couldn't find my uterus. A second nurse came in and found my uterus, but said it was totally empty. There was nothing there at all. So I guess the morning sickness, painful boobs whenever I nursed Titus, and exhaustion and hunger were all figments of my imagination. They sent me for blood work and I go in at 8:30 in the morning for an internal ultrasound.

Am I miscarrying someone who was never there? I'm not even bleeding now. Still no cramps. This makes six losses. I'm upset, sad, and angry. I feel like we've wasted 3 precious months celebrating a phantom. While I was waiting on the nurse, I read scores of stories of women who bled profusely...think blood running down their legs profusely....and all was well. They just had a hematoma on their cervix. But of course that wasn't to be the case with me. Just another inexplicable loss. Another empty date. And more times of wondering of I'll ever bring another baby into the world. I'm sorry to be so bitter. Lschrader I hope you know I wish nothing but the best for you. It may just be awhile before I get back on here. Right now it hurts too much.

@rebecca- I can only imagine how upset you are and how confused you are. I am so sorry. Did they give you ANY explanation of what could have happened? Is it possible you miscarried last time you were bleeding? I don't understand how you have all these signs and a BFP but no baby. Do phantom pregnancies really happen like that? I am sorry for so many questions, i think i am as confused as you are. I of course take no offence to how you are feeling. We have all been in that state of bitterness.

I know this does not take your pain away but hold on tight to your littles and try to think about how many times you have been blessed despite the six losses. Just because you have children, i know it doesn't make your losses any less significant. I know that. I am sorry you are going through this and i pray you get the answers you deserve soon. XOXO

Hi Ladies - Hope you all had a Happy Father's day weekend. I took my honey and his kids out to dinner. We had a nice time.

@Jcbell - congratulations on your recent pregnancy. Very happy for you. You must be so excited.

@football - nice to hear from you. I am okay. Found out I have multiple fibroids recently via ultrasound. The dr wants to just monitor them and my symptoms for now. Might need surgery in the near future. I was sad but needing to come to peace with this whole infertility thing. Realizing it really is what it is. Hope you are doing well.

@Lschrader - So so so happy you get to find out the baby's gender in 1 week. Yippie!!!! I am betting girl! I have always seen you with a little girl since you joined this forum. :) Either way though I am happy no matter what for you.

@Rebecca - I am stunned to read your recent post. I am confused like Lschrader and perhaps even yourself. Please forgive me for asking, but I can't remember, did you take a hpt and get a bfp? Did you originally go in and get a hcg beta done? I am VERY SORRY sweetie. Please let us know how the dr's appt goes tomorrow when you go in for blood work. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

@skyline - hope you are well.

AFM ~ I am on cd 25 today. Expecting AF in a few days. Feeling pms come on already. My skin is never oily and right now it's oily and now I have acne on my face wth? The few months when I would get right ovary twinges I would get my hopes up but now that I know I have a large cyst on my right ovary and my largest fibroid on my right side it makes sense I would get twinges and cramps in that area.

Miracle....yes, I got a bfp on a clear blue digital. But no, they didn't get my hcg work done like they did with Titus, nor did they do an ultrasound at 6 and 8 weeks like we did with him. I guess they thought since I was able to carry him for 9 months everything would be fine this time. That doesn't seem to be the way it works for me.

I have to get through this appointment by myself. Our 16 yr old ds is away at camp, so my dh has to stay home and watch the kids. Pray that I will be given the strength to handle this without breaking down.

@rebecca - I am in such disappointment and sadness for you right now. I know there isn't anything they could have done to prevent this loss, but I feel the doctors still dropped the ball on you, they should not have treated this one with any less attention! This has to feel like a terrible trick has been played on you. Oh, rebecca, I am SO sorry. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

I guess if there is any good news, it's that there was indeed a baby. He or she died at about 8 weeks. I'm debating on letting my body handle this alone, or take pills to get it over with. I think I may do the pills, just so I don't have to wait. I held things together until my dr walked in. Seeing a friendly face was too much.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I'm devastated and just really, really angry at God. I'm going to deep clean the house and hope I can exhaust myself.

@Rebecca, I´m so sorry about what I'm reading. On my second loss I had 5 BFP and after two weeks I went to the obgyn and he wasn't sure about seeing something, two days later I was bleeding and next day he made an US and by the size of the uterus he concluded that a pregnancy stopped. What I don't understand is... HOW the hell a Dr doesnt make an US even if is just and early pregnancy as they call it here in my country. that's the reason we all visit private practice, to be sure that all it's OK.

I'm really sorry.... I've been there and I understand the pain that this cause. Please rest in the Lord.

@rebecca- I am so sorry for this loss. My heart is hurting for you. Give yourself time to grieve and love on your babies. I wish your doctor would have been more proactive about it all from day one. Talk to your doctor (when you are ready) about next time. Possible about progesteron and getting your levels tested from the very beginning. I am sorry and i will be praying for you. I think your decision is a good one and hopefully it will move you along a little quicker. I don't want to get into the painful details, but was 8 weeks when you started spotting the first time? How many weeks were you supposed to be now? I will be thinking of you.

@Rebecca - Glad you were validated that you were indeed pregnant but that does NOT take away the sadness & anger you must be feeling. Miscarriages SUCK. I really pray you are able to find peace again soon. Grieve and let out ALL our feelings in the meantime. Sending you a "I'm so sorry for your loss hug" We are here for you.

Lschrader....I started spotting at 10 weeks. I'm 11 weeks 2 days now. I was taking progesterone. Looking back, I don't suppose seeing a healthy baby at 6 weeks would have made this any easier, it would have just reassured me, you know? And I'll definitely be talking to my dr about how I was handled this time. I'd just like a little more support I guess.

Miracle. ..God, yes, miscarriages do SUCK. And it doesn't matter how many you have, each one hurts like hell. You already love that little one and dream about their life.

Honcat...thank you for the understanding. I don't know what I'd be like without this group.

This next is directed at my well meaning sis in law. God bless her. But having four healthy children does not take away my pain. Grieving the loss of yet another baby doesn't take away my love for my living children. They are separate issues. I'm so so grateful the Lord has given me my children. But I loved this baby and it HURTS that he or she is gone and I'll never see that sweet face....on this earth at least. I guess you just can't understand if you haven't been there.