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Hi ladies. Been soooooooooooooooooo busy with work. I'm doing Etsy full time 12 hr days 7 days a week right now. Working fingers like crazy.. lol. I had a nice Thanksgiving with my dad, it was mellow. I don't have my hopes up for this cycle because I am feeling defeated in the ttc department. I have spent most of this year trying to figure out how to come to peace with NOT getting pregnant. I'm here to tell you it's probably the most painful thing that I have ever gone through as a woman in this life time. It's confusing and heartbreaking to NOT get to have something that I thought was my birthright. I thought it was my destiny. I thought my prayers would be answered. I have been sadly mistaken. :( I'm a realist and an optimist, but my optimism is no longer. So I keep trudging along still doing my part every month secretly holding on to a dying dream. Sorry to be such a downer, but it's sooooooooooooooooo DANG hard week after week, month after month, and year after year.... waiting for my turn...

I hope everyone is doing well.

I don't have the time to address each of you, but know that I am thinking of you.

AFM - I think I am 8 dpo today.

@football - Glad your appointment went well, but that stinks that you still have to get the shot and it's such a long process. Bleh! Yeah, I don't know if all that CM means I might be ovulating again, I guess I'll know in a couple of weeks if AF shows. I'm definitely enjoying it while she stays away.

@pisces - My memory is SO foggy on posting the FF charts. I can't remember how I got the FF chart image, but I would upload my pictures to Google+ or Facebook with the privacy settings set so only I could see the picture, then I would right click on the image and get the image URL and post it using the BBCode for pictures. Hope that made sense!

@miracle - Very glad your Etsy shopping is staying busy! I pulled out my yarn and old crochet projects and found a baby hat I made, it's gray with a pink band. I put it on Oliver and it was SO cute, so I'm going to take the pink band off and replace it with a different color. I'm so sorry this has been such a difficult year. I SO wish I could whip up a fertility potion that would just blow your uterus' mind! Sending you big hugs!

@sky don't worry about it, there wasn't much going on with that chart anyway

@miracle don't be so down sweetie, listen God wanted you to know that you had hope when you got that BFP. You CAN get pregnant and you will. Please keep your head up. **hugs**

Hope everyone's doing well and enjoying their weekend! I have ONE more week of school and my graduation ceremony is two weeks from today- I am stoked! I just hope I can manage sitting through the three hour ceremony without having to pee or needing water/snacks!!

An odd new symptom of pregnancy has presented itself, I'm afraid. When I use my stomach muscles, my stomach changes shape and looks like a pyramid! It's so odd! Dr. Google tells me that means my muscles have separated... :/ I showed my husband last night what happens when I flex, and he was so grossed out! (I am too, if i'm being honest).

As labor is getting closer, I'm starting to kind of get nervous. I'm hoping he stays head down as I really want to deliver vaginally. I have my 32 week appointment on December 30th, and then my appointments go every two weeks. At my 34 week appointment, we will schedule the induction date (WOWOWOWOWOWWOWOW).

Hello everyone! It's been a while I haven't post but honestly the past few weeks have been so overwhelming at work, I been reading all your post but had so little time to reply that tonight I'm taking some minutes to text a few words.

First of all I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, it is my first time I get to enjoy it and it was a great time with my husbands family, I got to pig out with all the yummy food and also enjoyed the family time. For a few hours I didn't feel lonely anymore, it was great to chat and laught and after we went to Macy's for some crazy shopping time hahaha... I never seen before huge lines to shop so it was fun.

@miraclemama, I am sending you all my love, I believe you are the most strong wonderful woman, do not lose your hope, remember that is hope what keeps the dreams alive and dreams are what keep us fighting and kicking in this world.

@LSchared, I am so sorry about your friend, I mean not sorry she is pregnant but sorry that it hurt your feelings. I understand how you must feel, people sometimes don't think of others feelings and tend to just shout out their joy wit hour realizing that they can hurt people in the process and all I have to say is that your time will come I am sure you'll be giving us good news pretty soon. I am excited for your IVF, I have a really good feeling about it.

@Bean, thank you for the beautiful words, try to sleep as much as you can, my mom always told me that you should sleep all you can since once you become a mom the rest and sleep is not affordable at all times lol..

@Rebecca73 I'm pretty good, thank you for asking. Hope everything is going great for you

@football hello lady! Best luck for your Rh shot

@picsesgirl I would love to see those cakes everyone is talking about, I'm pretty sure they looked amazing!! My dh just gave me a kitchen aid mixer for an early bday present and I can't wait to try it, I will attemp to make a cake when my sister comes for Christmas!!

@athena how are you? Hope everything is going well

So I got my trigger shot this past Monday, I am a week away for AF and we did our homework every day since the shot for 5 days in a row (poor dh I kept him busy) I am not stressed at all this cycle, if it will be then it will and if it doesn't happen then next cycle we will try again. My nurse recommended some pills for dh to help for sperm quality and quantity, apparently he is good but she said it won't hurt to take those pills and it will help conceive on his side so I went to GNC and bought them, he will start taking them tomorrow. I asked the nurse to have the HSG test done next cycle and she said I can definitely have it done but she was hopping I won't need it since I got a big follie so I am on the wait to see if this one is the lucky one. Christmas is helping to keep my mind at ease since I been taking every minute I have off to decorate the apartment. My sister will come from Canada to spend 3 weeks with me for the holidays and I am so happy and excited, I been decorating the place and I can't wait for her to arrive!!
I went to church today, it's been a while I haven't go to mass and I feel guilty for having excuses not to go (work, no time, bla bla bla) but I felt so good to go, I felt closer to God even when I pray every day I kind of felt like if I went to see him to talk and tell him how I feel. At the end of the mass I spoke with the father and he gave me his blessing and prayed for me to conceive soon, I think that was very sweet, hope God hears him better than me since he has a direct line to him for being a priest right??

Wishing you all my best, I'm sending you all my love and I keep you all in my prayers.

Football my husband abdomen is naturally like that. If he leans back it sticks out like a football. We think eli may have it too. Yours should go back after having the baby, if for some reason it didn't, you can only do specific ab exercises because some could make it worse.

Miracle I'm so sorry you are so down. I pray you to get your miracle. Like skyline said I wish there some magic we could send you to get you your baby.

Pisces I hope you caught that egg girl. Wouldn't that be something?

Skyline Eli is starting to discover more of the world around him. He loves staring at the Christmas tree or the tv lol. His head control is getting better, but he's still bobbling. He started playing on his play mat the other day. He giggles and smiles. He looovveess to be naked and get his diaper changed. He doesn't mind baths anymore. He's sleeping through the night normally 6-7 hour but sometimes more sometimes less. He coos a lot now, sometimes he makes a face like he's trying to say something but can't get it out. He has made the sound "ma" a few times so I joked with jonathan that he's going to say mama first. He has become a little drool monster recently also. What about oliver?

Rebecca I didn't think you were trying to compare babies. Eli is just a little guy. That's how he started out and it's been an uphill battle to get weight on him.

Zyara I'm doing good, how are you? I hope that you all caught that big ol follie.

Lschrader I hope yall find the right clinic and get the ball rolling. I'm glad you are taking a stand to get to the right place. I know your miracle is coming.

Afm I'm one busy mommy here lately. I have to feed Eli 12 times a day which wouldn't be that big of a deal except he sleeps 6-7 hours eats goes back to sleep for around 3 eats again and sometimes goes back to sleep again for a couple more and then I have to fit in 10 feedings with typically at least one long nap. It feels like I'm feeding him around the clock. They want him to gain weight, which I understand because he is skinny, but he's gained 4 lbs since we left the hospital, went from 5 lb 12 oz to 9 lbs 13 oz. which is within the normal range for babies. His weight is just at the bottom of the chart. The dr told us to completely stop supplementing which we did and his bowel movements have increased significantly. My af hasn't returned either. I've been curiousif it would since I was regular before we started ttc and now I've lost 40 lbs.

Well ladies looks like I'm out at 11DPO . My temps were really high over the weekend and this morning...plummeted and I went to the restroom and had spotting and it feels like the witch came straight to my house to attack

11DPO is a lut defect :-(

Hi ladies.

Feel like I've been seeing stillbirths occurring everywhere (in reality I've only heard of three- all on the WTE app...I've deleted it now). It's gotten me all paranoid and stressed out.

Ugh. :(

@football I know it's a very scary thing to see when you are pregnant but you have to give your pregnancy and safe delivery of your baby boy to the Lord and focus on the moment when you have him in your arms safely & all bundled up. Everything is going to fine! Tell God to remove the anxiety and replace it with peace and joy.

GM Everyone Else!!!

AFM: the witch definetly showed up this morning. I spotted randomly all day yesterday which kind of had my hopes up but as the night forged on the cramps were so intense that I knew it wasn't implant. In fact these cramps were so intense that I was literally in agony. They are the same as when I lost the twins during my IVF...very very intense. I'm thinking this had to be a chemical. Have dr's appt on Friday

Hi ladies! I am going to do my best at catching up and responding to everyone...however i know it will not be in order!

@picses-Ugh i am so sorry AF showed lady. What is next for you? Are you going to explore IUI?? I cannot wait to hear! p.s. your cakes are just freaking amazing!!!

@miracle-I am so happy your store is so busy! What a blessing and right before xmas! Extra money hopefully!! I am sorry you are feeling this way. It does not make any sense, it just doesn't. I have been reaching out to a lot of women in my area and connecting up with them to discuss fertility. It has been really helpful. People are surprised i am so open and want to talk about it, but they are the same way. It is just nice to talk and see (face to face) others who are going through it too. One couple, DH and i met with on Sunday. They went to the clinic that we are going to go to. She had five pregnancies, one baby. Just a series of letdowns and broken hearts. They did IVF and at one point, the freezer crashed at their clinic and they lost 13 embryos! They didnt give up and kept going. Their 7 month miracle joined us as well. She is just beautiful and i got to hold her and she fell asleep in my arms. it keeps me going. We WILL have that. I promise you. I know you haven't wanted to for your own reasons, but i really encourage you to look into some other options...sometimes just knowing what is out there can give you hope. I know for me it did.

@athena-40 pounds! holy moly lady!! Nice work! Eli is just a little peanut and is adorable. I was the same way as a baby. My parents could not get me to gain weight. The doctors told my mom that i was failing to thrive, ha. talk about terrible thing to hear as a mother! I ended up just fine :) I hope he starts gaining some weight and taking that stress off of you!!

@football-Yeah girl! You are so close! I cannot believe you are just about to graduate! You have had one heck of a year, that is for sure...sold your house, bought a new one, got pregnant, graduate! Wow, successful year if you ask me! I hope 2015 is as exciting, but maybe a little more quiet and relaxing!

Ugh hearing about stillborn is so scary. I cannot even imagine. That is something i will never get. Why would God let me be pregnant this whole time and then not let my baby live? That will not happen and your little guy is healthy and ready to meet his momma! Try not to stress!

@zyara_luz-Praying this is your cycle lady and you do not need that HSG! I had one last year, and it was actually totally easy, but hopefully it is not necessary for you!

@skyline-Oliver is just a doll! Hmmm that is so interesting about your CM....i am curious what happens!

@rebecca-Hello lady! i Hope all is well!!! It sure seems like your kiddos just adore Titus!

Ok....I do not know if i missed anyone and I am truly so sorry if i did! Please do not be offended! So DH and I went to two fertility clinics. We loved both, but really loved the second one. We will for sure be gong with them. I am frustrated because our last clinic didnt really test some things that they should have...that or they just do things different. Regardless, its stupid. We learned that Sperm has little caps on them, and as they get close to the egg, the caps come off so they can fertilize the egg. Well sometimes, men's sperm does not do this and it obviously prevents egg fertilization. So that is when IVF with ICSI comes in to play. ICSI is where they actually put the sperm in the egg. If my huband's sperm is this way, then there is no way IUI will work either, so whats the point. So this clinic is going to test him for this and see if they caps are coming off or not. If they are coming off, then great, if not, we will move straight to IVF with ICSI. One thing we also learned is that if the caps are coming off, and you do IVF, you should not do ICSI. Studies have shown the live birth rate is really low when you do ICSI and its not needed. Just all of these things we didnt know! Also, last year when i got tested, i was concerened about my AMH level...thinking it was low. Our old clinic brushed it off, whereas this new clinic said i have every right to feel concerned, because its the level of a 34 year old...not terrible...but i am 27.

Sorry for the looooooong post, but juts wanted to update everyone. We are preparing for IVF next year and saving up. Hopefully will do this In February or something....if we find out we don't have to do IVF...well we will have a good chunk saved up!

Ok well, talk soon ladies!