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Skyline- noticed some EWCM this afternoon! Will be BDing when DH gets home tonight and then the next two days after that! Today's CD13, so hopefully O happens in the next few days! Glad your GED test went well, but I'm sorry you're feeling emotional today. Hope your day gets better!

Hey, Skyline...I won't test again until Friday or Saturday. I feel like I'll get another negative, and just am in no rush to see it, believe me! Lol.

Football - and ! Have some fun, girl!

My sister in law just posted on FB that she's having a girl. That will be two girls and a boy for them. My brother in law commented on her post, saying how she was "doing a great job taking care of baby #3." Here's the stupid part...that makes me upset!! He's not even talking to me! But it immediately made me think of the 4 I've lost, and if that means I didn't "take care of them" well enough. Ugh. I guess a part of me will always carry the guilt of not being a good enough mother, of having a defective womb or something, and that's why my babies died. Especially since the doctors can't point to a reason why it happens.

I'm in a crappy mood. I'm sorry guys.

@rebecca-Very exciting about your SIL. Please know that it is not your fault. Your body knows when there is something wrong with the fetus. Do not get down on yourself because it's not true that you are defective.

A friend that i met on CTP actually was having chemical pregnancy after chemical pregnancy. She finally got on some meds and she is pregnant and I think around 15 weeks along. Baby and mom are great. So just keep the hope and know that it will happen.

Well DH's second SA results are in. I do not have numbers but the nurse said that he has improved but would like us to keep our urologist appointment tomorrow. Which we would keep regardless since we know he was a varicocele vein. Even though i KNOW there is no way i could have convieved this month, it is still in the back of my mind. Saturday night I had shooting pains in my pelvic area and have had sore breasts since 7dpo. The last couple days my nips have been so sore and feel like they are burning (although this seems to be diminishing a little). That is not normal for me. Every time i start thinking...maybe...i keep remembering that DH was gone on some very important days. If his count was good, then us BDing the day he left might have done it...but it's not. Bleh!

Here are his numbers. His total motile sperm count went WAY up....his first one was only 2 mill. So 19.2 is much better.

TMS is 19.2 (we like it above 10)
Concentration is 6 (we like it above 15)
Motility is 38% (we like it above 40%)
Morphology is 0

Morphology is bad.....thoughts ladies?

@football - Good luck with the BDing! Fingers crossed.

@rebecca - That is probably a good to wait if you know seeing a BPN will get you down. I second @LSchrader! *hugs* Don't be so hard on yourself.

@LSchrader - I'm glad his numbers are improving! I really hope there is a chance you may have cought the bean.

Lschrader if you ovulated later you could hav a shot, don't count yourself out yet. How exciting for your sister in law. I hope y'all get to go through it together.

Rebecca don't blame yourself it is not your fault. Things happen that we can't explain and God has a plan.

Skyline I hope you get all the answers or whatever it is you need. I'm not sweatin what she said, some people are just rude and can't help themselves. She got pregnant right away with all of her pregnancies and has no idea what it feels like to struggle like I have. It was very insensitive but whatever I'm over it.

Pisces where are you?

Afm a guy I have known since elementary school died, I haven't seen him since high school, but he was one of the nicest people I've ever known and t has just hit me hard. What happened shouldn't have. He was an experienced hunter and I just can't figure out why he would be cleaning a loaded gun. It's just crazy.

DH and I are going to start TTC again! I'm not sure if we will start this cycle ... I'm so happy. I think I've been down in the dumps because I was really starting to feel like putting it off was a mistake. I just had to let you guys in on it.

@athena - That's terrible! What a tragic situation. It does sound very strange that an experienced gun handler would have that sort if accident. :(

Skyline- YAY YAY YAY YAY!!! I'm so happy and excited for you! That's great news!

Hey Everybody I see lots and lots of activity! Thank you for all ofthe uplifting words on Sunday but I just couldnt respond, my sorrow has literally consumed me the past couple of days. I am literally "all cried out".

@rebecca I am sorry that your brother in law said that and I sure that he didnt mean it that way. sometimes people just do not think before they make comments, they get too wrapped up in their own SELF that they forget about others.

@skyline thats great news that you are back in the game hon, welcome back **hugs**

@lsch you are always IN until the red river flows and looking at your chart you did the deed in the time, lets just wait it out.

@football Lets get going girl!!!

@miracle where are you lady bug? I may have missed a post from earlier. I sent my friend to your Etsy page and he loved your hats. his name is John from the DC/Maryland area so be on the look out. I also have a hat that I saw & wanted to know if you can make it? I will email you a picture

@athena hey hon here I am **waiving** so its almost O time for you. I am really thinking you had a chemical last time so I am sending you babydust this cycle. You are so close.

@topo where are you? I need an email address for you so I can hunt you down when I want to.

Did anybody download the BBM app? I dont know why since we have text message but my friend who lives in Canada talked me into getting it to talk to her and now she is my only friend..lol its so pathetic...lmao

@lyrah how are you hon?

and to the newbies Welcome I know I havent been much company but I am an emotional mess right now.

@ants mommy Girl I get tired just watching all the things that you do on IG. lmao Field Trips, Fishing, School Dance, ...How do you do it babe?

AFM: I am going to try and make it to the doctor tomorrow or Thursday. I am going to ask for either Gonal F or Follistem. I took one or both of those when I had IVF two years ago. I also would like to try the progesterone and baby aspirin. alomg with soft cups. DH wants me to just fly solo this round and not let TTC consume our final days together. He was honest and said that he almost doesnt want it to happen because he will miss everything including possibly the birth. I think hes just trying to make me feel better and stop crying. I am so overwhelmed emotionally that I have been crying in spurts since sunday. sorry if I am being a Debbie Downer. I will try and get it together.

For the newbies who dont know Aside from TTC, in Feb 1st, my DH is leaving to Spain on assignement for 12 to 15 months. My daughters and I will wait for him here in washington dc/maryland. then we are on to our next station of Hawaii. He will get to come home from time to time and I will get to go there but I am falling apart. This will be one of the hardest things that I have ever done but his mission protects our freedom and for that I have to pull myself together.