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Hi ladies. thank you for your kind words. It is safe to say that i felt 100% heartbroken on Monday, but i am feeling much better as the days go on. On Monday, I felt as is if I lost the battle of infertility. I was so angry with God. I was so mad. I let myself be that way, and told myself that He can handle my anger. I needed that, and come Tuesday I felt so relieved. I made myself think about all the positive things that have come from this journey, the vacations, the time with DH, the closeness with my family, and most of all, the relationships i have made along the way. I need to focus on the positives. I am a positive person, and I need to remember that.

My husband is a mechanical engineer for a bio pharmaceutical firm. He also handles the security for the company and has recently caught on to the cleaning crew not doing their job. He and his co-worker (who his also one of his best friends) are proposing that they take over the cleaning. Since they work with the FDA and even the cleaning has to be submitted to the FDA, any mistakes made comes with a huge report written (usually be my husband). So this would take that out of it. We would bring in an extra $1200 each month from this. They will find out this week if their proposal is approved, but so far their supervisor is game. That would be SO amazing. We would be able to put that money to our fertility treatments without worry. I am so hoping this works out.

@athena-I am glad Eli is such a good baby. You are very lucky! My SIL's baby is now 12 weeks old, and within the last few weeks just started sleeping through the night!!

@DeeBen2014-I sure wish we could tell you if you are pregnant or not. Someone really needs to invent a magic wand for that! When is AF due for you? How long have you been TTC for? Any background for you? Welcome!

Hello ladies! My af is due this Sunday and just now at 10pm I tested using the first response test... And it came out negative : / So, I'm at 10 dpo ATM though

Hi ladies,

I don't even know what dpo I am on. Not really tuning in that much this cycle. Mostly because I fear that I didn't get enough bedding in and I can't pinpoint really when I ovulated this cycle. I had ewcm, sore breasts and all the fun after ovulation symptoms.. but it can't say for sure when as I don't temp. Who knows.

Welcome to the new ladies that have joined the group. I have been here over 1 1/2 years now hanging out in this forum, connecting with amazing woman, making new friends, sharing personal joys and sorrows of ttc with one another. I have watched many woman come and go in this forum. Many have achieved their dreams of becoming a mother, some have disappeared and well other's such as I have been trying for eternity and praying for that lil miracle baby.

@Lschrader ~ I am glad you allowed yourself to feel all your feelings. That would be great if your dh get's to bring in that extra money with his job. I know that you guys could put that away like you said for fertility costs. How awesome. I truly do believe that you will be blessed one day with a baby. You'll see and it will be divine timing. I on the other hand am not feeling like it's ever going to happen. I don't have time on my side for ttc :( Not trying to be a debbie downer.. it's just a slow letting go process for me. Preparing myself to "not" get to be a biological mom as it's a real possibility that I might not get to be. It's up to God! Feels so out of my control... and I hate that!

@Athena ~ That's so cool that your baby sleeps through the night.. you are so lucky and blessed! I am so happy you and your family are doing so well. They say you are super fertile after having a baby! Watch out when you finally get to dtd, unless you are hoping for baby #2 very soon? :)

@Skyline ~ How are you and baby Oliver doing?

@Rebecca ~ Hope you and your family are all adjusting nicely and doing well.

@Football ~ I loved your post on fb recently how you are feeling your lil baby move around more, so cool!

@Bean ~ Now I see why you take vit b6 for your cycle.

@Pisces ~ Hey Lady, how are you? Missing ya. Come check in when you can. You getting excited for you dh to return home for a few months? I bet you can't wait.

Hi ladies...

I'm doing the 24 hour urine sample today and feeling quite anxious/scared about the results. I really hope and pray that there's no protein in my urine. If there is, because of the combined factor of high [hereditary] BP, I fear I may be diagnosed with pre-e. Seeing as I'm only halfway there, I'm terrified for the health of the baby and myself if that's the case.

Miracle...thanks, things are going better now and we're adjusting fairly well. I certainly understand the letting go process you're in. My heart wants you not to give up, but i know how painful it can be to hold out hope. Maybe I should just tell you not to forget that we can be surprised by God at the strangest times. :)

Lschrader...so glad you're feeling better. And what an opportunity for your dh! Praying he gets good news.

Football...I know pre-e can be scary, but I think you will be fine. Try not to worry or stress (this from the champion of worriers!). Wait until they tell you to worry. They may just need to monitor you closely for the rest of your pregnancy. I will pray for peace and good news for you, and continued good health for you and baby boy.

Afm...got diagnosed with fluid on both ears yesterday. And the alternator on our van died. I'm a walking Murphy's Law! But at least I feel better today, and cooked and washed clothes this morning.

lsc was coming on here to post a link to share with you ladies and then i read bout you im so sorry hun but maybe just maybe this will help you and encourage you not to give up

http://whnt.com/2014/10/03/ultrasound-shock-parents-to-be-have-priceless-reaction/

Hello again ladies :) I am at 12 dpo today...I had a bit of spotting tonight, and i'm unsure if its AF coming?? I haven't tested yet since 10 dpo was a BFN....I haven't felt any pregnany symptoms...other than that uti or feels like symptoms since 7 and 8 dpo : / anyway to all

@lole-Good to hear from you! I saw that video, how scary and neat all at the same time! Thank you :) It's been a rough week, for sure.

@Dee-i hope spotting doenst mean anything for you. I know for me, unfortunately it means AF is on her way. FX for you!

AFM-I am just sad today. A couple in our group of friends (and also my DH's coworker) just told him this morning they are pregnant. She tested this morning lol. I guess she is like five weeks late for AF and just now decided to test. Her cycles are all over the place so who knows. I just don't even feel happy. I feel terrible about that, but it has put me in such a down mood. I just don't feel like i can be happy for people, and i dont want to be feeling that way. I just want it to be my turn so bad.

Hi Ladies,

It's been a few days since I checked in. Things are ok. I still need to reschedule my "removal of metal clip from breast" procedure. This procedure is more intense and longer than the last procedure, so as you can guess, I am not looking forward to it.

I'm getting AF cramps today, so I know that AF will be here any day. Probably tomorrow or the next day. I feel the witch circling my house..

I am craving change, adventure, play and travel right now. If I had the funds, I would take a mini vacation.. Just to get my mind off of everything.

How is everyone doing?

@Lschrader - I SO GET IT! I am over it too hon. My male best friend revealed on fb what the baby gender is for his pregnant wife today. We have been bff's for years. My whole family went to their wedding last October. She got pregnant the same time I did and we both miscarried early around the same time. However, she is now pregnant again with a baby due in Feb. They are having a boy.. I am happy once again for someone that I love and care for.. but SO OVER IT! I cried at lunch today with my bestie about it all. I wish that it was different, but it's not. I'm sorry you are having a rough time too. Sending HUGS! What is your next step in ttc?

@miracle-Getting away is so nice and you should do it! I am actually going to Vegas this weekend so that will be great. We are going with some friends who just started trying and my biggest fear is them getting pregnant before me. I seriously am needing prays to handle that, if that time comes.

Oh i am so so so sorry. I cannot even imagine passing little dates of where you would be in your pregnancy. I just can't. I am so sorry. Next step is try the good old fashion way and then IUI in november. Not holding out too much hope this cycle...especially since we will be in Vegas, sharing a room around my fertile time!