Community post

Oh Tara! I am so, so sorry. :(
I wish I could give you a great big hug.

Ohhhhhhh TARA!!!!! I'm so sorry hunni!!! I am in tears for you. I just read the past few weeks trying to catch up and you have just been on a huge roller coaster. And they are never easy. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you and your dh. Take all the time you need to mourn your loss. And know that we are always here for you because we know the ride better than most. Never feel like you let us down. You have always been there for everyone of us in the past with no exception giving us all words of encouragement and advice and tips and tricks and knowledge and you better believe that when you need us, we are here for you. Just know that you have so much love and so many prayers coming for you. Love you honey. Take care and check in when you are feeling better.

Girls....you are amazing! I've been reading your posts over the past few days and they have been so comforting. I wish I knew why I'm going through this again. My faith is being chipped at and I just have to keep trusting that there is meaning in this and that it will work out for my good. Doesnt help that I'm going thru my anger phase of grief. Poor dh, I snapped at him for not listening to my driving directions this afternoon and he drove past our turn. Forgive me for my language but I sounded like a bitchy gps lol!
I'm finally getting some of my humor back. Monday was just a puffy eyed daze. Tuesday and Wednesday I had my nephew and surprisingly he is always able to cheer me up when I go thru this. Next to his changing table is a picture of his 8w ultrasound. When I saw it I got depressed, feeling like I'd never have that. I sat him up after changing him and he could tell I was upset. He gave me the biggest hug and it felt so good. His baby hugs squeeze away the sad thoughts.

We closed on our home refinance today. I've been so busy trying to prepare for that, that my mind hasnt had much time to focus on the next steps, so after we got back I decided to start. I contacted one of the most well known fertility dr (dr geoff sher). He has an online forum that he answers questions. He told me based on my history that it sounds like implantation dysfunction...either an anatomical issue or my immune system is attacking the baby. Usually embryo issues dont affect 6 separate fertilized embryos in a row. One two or three maybe but 6...something else is causing them and IVF may not be the answer. He said I should definitely have a specialist look further into it. If it is anatomical, surgery could fix it. If it's immune, it maybe more tricky...high doses immune suppressants and injectable blood thinners. Some even make you have an IV drip of special drugs. Not gonna lie...I'm scared. Scared of what they may find and may not find. But I do want answers. I've done everything in my power, and it's still happening. So now, I have to get the courage to call the specialist tomorrow for an appointment. *Sigh*...part of me feels like I failed.

So...I'm like "cd 4"...cant wait to get these pads off. Feels like I'm wearing a diaper. Curious to see if I'll ovulate again. I hope I do but I'm afraid of getting pregnant again (bet you never thought you'd see that on a ttc forum!). Ok...where is everyone else in their cycles!?

Tara, have faith that someday God's Plan for you will reveal it'self and it will be so beautiful that you will Forget all the tears from now...

Please try also Vitamin E and 3 times a day drink a t-spoon of hemp oil. It keeps teh Uterus in shape and helps the endometer.

100 kisses and hugs from me!

Btw, i am day 8 today, i am taking since day 5 clomifen 2 pcs / day. I wish i could say i am doing ok, the truth is i am dizzy and will probbaly sleep on the toilet tonight... well, i just hope and believe that it is not in vain... i have to believe otherwise i am going insane. i will also try the hemp oil and vit E plus the Lady-Mantel Tea. I am also trying to work out at least 2 times a week in the gym and jog also 2 times a week... for the Couch potato that i am this is a great achievment :)))

Wish you all ladies a great day, a beautiful week-end and lots of sticky baby-dust!

So great to see your humor back Tara! Hope you can get into this new specialist soon, it sounds like he knows what he's talking about and will be able to help. Grateful for your nephew keeping you on track, they have a way of making you smile no matter how bad you feel.

That's great exercise Astrid! I went from couch to walking/jogging 3 times a week at first and after a month I jog everyday :) I slacked off for a while and I could tell a huge difference in how hard it was to be able to fall asleep. It helps a lot.

As for me, I have felt horrible! At about 5dpo I ran a fever for a couple days and still have that achy pain in the pit of my stomach that radiates throughout every single one of my joints. Couldn't sleep a wink for my hips and back hurting so bad. Yesterday I got so dizzy I had to hover over toilet for about 20 minutes, mouth watering like crazy about to puke but I didn't. Then I realized I hadn't ate all day and it was 3pm. Think I need to have my thyroid levels checked again cuz last time it acted up I was tired all the time and had no appetite. Hoping it's just from being sick though. 7dpo for me today.. been up since 6am when my sister dropped my nephew off for me to watch. As soon as Jace heard him his eyes popped open and they were off to play. I sooo wish I could wake up bright eyed and ready to play like they do! They're so much fun to watch together, they're 5 weeks apart and love each other to pieces!!

Oh Tara! I'm so happy to hear your humor is coming back. And little ones are so perceptive. They are amazing that way. And so happy the refinance is done! That doctor also sounds like he knows what he is talking about. Hopefully you will be able to get some answers.

I've been in the back reading when I can. Life has gotten so crazy lately. I have a new job as a Lifestyle Director for an active retirement community of over 450 homes. Definitely a much needed switch from the cpa world. Still ttc but trying to just go with the flow, though is still not easy as we have to plan when my boyfriend comes home so that we make the window.

As of right now, I am 12 dpo, but trying hard to not put much thought into it. Scared and nervous at the same time. Having lots of symptoms but convincing myself its just the progesterone cream side effects. Will test Tuesday or Wednesday if AF doesnt show by then.

My 6 year old little girl wants a brother or sister so bad. Last night I told her that our little seed may or may not grow so we have to be ready for either outcome and not think too much about it. Today, her teacher texted me a picture that she drew of a seed that grows into a heart. I about melted. And cried. And took a deep breath and prayed and continued back with work. Just trying to stay busy. About all I can do right now.

Hi guys,

Tara glad to see that you are getting your humor back. I feel terrible about talking about my pregnancy. I think I'll stray away for a bit.

I hope you guys get your miracles soon. I have faith and hope for all of you.

@enbulter- dont you dare! This isnt my first rodeo and wouldnt be surprised if it isnt my last. I love to hear updates from you.

@astrid- I'll have to look into it more. I saw the hemp oil is used for uterine fibroids. Dr never saw any on the u/s but who knows without a closer look. I've always been blessed with a thick"fluffy" endometrium too.
Way to go on the working out. I'm usually running around with nephew at the park or wrestling with him daily but the past few weeks I've been a complete couch potato.
Oh..on what you said..."Tara, have faith that some day God's plan will reveal itself and it will be so beautiful that you will forget all the tears from now"...funny you say that. Right after all my losses started and I was grieving so badly, I was laying in bed one morning and I had just came out of my sleep. I heard a still small voice say "Romans". I kept listening and I heard "8". I knew it was a bible verse and I half asleep asked what verse number and I heard "18". I went back to sleep and later that day, dh asked how I slept. I said good and it suddenly hit me...ROMANS 8:18! So I grabbed my bible to look it up and my jaw dropped...."For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." That verse is my life line.
By the way...are you feeling any better today?

@jace's mama- same goes for you...are you feeling any better?

@EB- that is soooo cute! And I'm so happy you found a job that delights you.

AFM- Bleeding has finally stopped. And that tells me one thing....It's safe to make love to dh again. We couldnt touch each other when the spotting start at 6dpo so that's going on 3 weeks! But there's this weird connection between miscarriage and sex that makes it hard to get back in the saddle again and it not be weird for me. Dh as always has been very understanding. I just cant help but feel like a bad wife that he's had to do it all himself *winkwink* .

I wasnt able to call the dr yesterday cause I realized I didnt even have my updated work schedule. So I'll call on monday to schedule. Hopefully it wont take too long. It'd be awesome that if I had to have surgery I could schedule it for mid june cause I have like 2 weeks off. Perfect recoop time. The doctor I mentioned wouldnt actually be my doctor. He's in las vegas LOL! But his old partner has a clinic literally 20 minutes from me. I've researched him and every patient loves him. He makes it his mission to determine what is wrong before just throwing ivf at you. And he actually calls and talks with you personally instead of having a nurse call which is unheard of with RE's. I'm nervous but also looking forward to seeing if we can get some answers. Hope everyone's weekend is going good.

Tara, I did the injectable blood thinners after losing 2 in a row. I was on Lovenox from BFP right through to 6 weeks after birth, except for the last 6 weeks of the pg, when I switched to a short acting heparin.

When you do get pg again, I would see if you can take prednisone and Lovenox to help your embryo stay stuck. You were off to such a great start this time. I'm hopeful you will find the right combo to get your rainbow baby!

*hugs*

Tara- please call me Liz. I will update you. I'll be on here reading and keeping up with you