Community post

How are you feeling, Shannon? How was your weekend?

We saw Oz, the Great and Powerful Friday, did some shopping Saturday and spent pretty much the entire day at the park yesterday. It was 62 degrees!! Gabe took a friend and they just wore themselves ragged! Which was nice, come bed time!!

Do you have another u/s planned? I can't remember now if I read that or not. I hope all is well, girly!1 xo

It's so nice to hear that you're finally able to enjoy yourself and be out and about! My mom, family and I used to watch the WIzard of Oz every year...I can't wait to see it (and Jack and the Beanstalk), was it good?

Little bit of a brown spot this morning about 1 inch. That's it. No pain.

Beta on 03/08/2013 was 15480
Beta on 03/11/2013 was 17480

I pulled my ultrasound from Friday from medical records (I know, I know).

"A transabdominal and endovaginal ultrasound of the pelvis was performed. The study demonstrates an intrauterine gestational sac. The mean sac diameter measured 1.02 cm (10.2mm) corresponding to an estimated gestational age of 5 weeks and 4 days. Only a tiny, questionable fetal pole is identified with a crown-rump length of 1.8mm. No fetal cardiac activity is identified. The above findings are suspicious for intrauterine fetal demise or a blighted ovum. A yolk sac is not identified in the gestational sac.
Both maternal ovaries are well visualized and are normal in size, shape and echogenicity with normal color flow identified. A 1 cm (10mm) complex cyst is identified immdiately adjacent to the left ovary, possible in the adjacent left fallopian tube. Increased color flow is identified surrounding the above 1 cm complex cyst. No fetal pole or fetal cardiac activity is identified within this questioned ectopic pregnancy. The possibility of coexisting intrauterine gestational sac and ectopic gestational sac (heteotopic pregnancy) should be considered due to the above findings, although no viable gestation is evident. No free fluid is identified in the pelvis."

So, when the OB called me on Friday he said he absolutely saw a yolk sac. He wanted to remain hopeful, but told me that with no growth to be cautious of being hopeful. He did not mention that the mass was there again or that they were questioning an ectopic. The Crown rump lenth in the previous ultrasound was 3mm. You should not see a heartbeat until 5mm. Now we have moved backwards? My other beef is that a blighted ovum has NEVER had a fetal pole in it. So what's this guy talking about. THere is no mention about my subchorionic hemmorrage (which was 2.4x1.5x2.3cm before) and he actually says that there is NO free fluid. Which means the OTHER gestational sac is gone as well as the subchorionic bleed. Actually there were three before. The two gestational sacs and the SCH. The ultrasounds are so varied, I wonder if the machine is a piece of you know what. Why are they not ordering a level two ultrasound? The OB was WAY more optimistic than this report.....and he has been doing this a LONG time. Sami...I just am so exhausted from being in baby limbo. I put a call into the doctor this morning....no call back yet. I just want to tell him about my spot this morning and have him review my betas. Why aren't they telling me about the ectopic? Is it because they don't think that that is what that is? I have a picture of my yolk sac from the last ultrasound, but it isn't mentioned in the report. This time they say there ISN'T one, but the OB said to me that he looked at it and there definately IS one.....*****scratching head****
They also say that an ectopic is identified with a "ring of fire" around it, which means that color doppler flow surrounds it.....which this report kind of states.

You are a bad girl.

That being said, at this point there isn't much you can do. I know it's impossible not to worry and I totally understand your exhaustion. I can only imagine. There's a good chance that this pregnancy is not viable. I think you know that because of what you just discovered and because of the rate of growth. What doesn't make sense to me is that your beta numbers are still going up. Even if they aren't doubling like they should, they're still going up. Something is growing. Right? I don't know why they would give you mixed signals like that but maybe they are just really hopeful. Maybe they didn't want you to worry any more than you already are. As for a level 2 ultrasound, I don't think they would do one at this stage because nothing is big enough to measure. Until they find a heart beat, I don't think they'll do much of anything else. They can keep checking your beta and they can keep checking for a heart beat. And as for the bleed, that's probably not a good sign. I realize it was just that once but please take care of yourself. Do you have any cramping or anything?

I was told I had a blighted ovum with my 2009 m/c. I thought I was about 81/2-9 weeks. I started spotting one day after running errands at work. I went in to the Dr. to have my blood drawn and they sent me over for an u/s. There was no baby. Just an empty sac. They sent me back to my Dr. to talk to a 'counselor' about what was about to happen. She explained what a blighted ovum was and tried to comfort us and give us some guidelines. I went home and after a few hours the nurse called me and said my beta was over 30,000 so there had to have been a baby. I asked where the hell it was when they did the ultrasound and she said my body could've already been in the processing of shedding it. That didn't make much sense to me. Needless to say, that evening while lying in bed I woke up with severe cramping. The entire bed was covered in blood. It looked like a murder scene. Sorry, TMI. I made it to the bathroom where I sat on the pot for over 4 hours, crying, bleeding and in pain. I passed some large clots, one of which was the baby. I could see fingers and toes already. I took some percocets I had left over from a previous surgery and tried to get some rest. I woke up to get the kids ready for school and while walking up my stairs felt the urgent need to get to the restroom. I passed the placenta, which was bigger than a hard boiled egg but pliable and sort of looked like a brain. Ew. Sorry. I didn't know that's what it was at the time. When I passed the baby, Barry flushed before I could say "save it'. I wanted to have it tested to find out why it happened. I called My Dr. that morning and they said based on what I saw, the size of the placenta and the amount of blood and tissue that I passed...I was more like 10-12 weeks along. I don't know how I could be that far off with my numbers, but I guess it happens.

I'm telling you this because if you haven't had any cramping or considerable bleeding, there's still hope. But I can't help but think of what your body is saying. Just based off the numbers of when you got your first positive, I would say it doesn't look good. I'm not trying to scare you or be negative, but you are driving yourself insane and my heart just breaks for you. I would never suggest that you give up under any circumstances. Just try to keep an open mind. Hopefully you'll get some more definitive answers soon. It's so unfair for you to have to go through this and I so wish I could be there for you. I'm for you!!!!!!!

I think they are worried about the mass that could potentially be the ectopic. I think they are wary of that being the cause of my beta going up. I too think the baby does not have a good chance that is in utero. I'm just surprised the OB on friday was so adamant that he DID see a yolk sac and that they "treat the patient, not the ultrasound." I know from working in the ER that radiologists always always have to give worst case scenarios to cover their butts. I also know that sometimes ultrasound can be grainy and the measurements can be off. I do know that no progress for baby's growth, or if the ultrasound is right, a LOSS of fetal pole length is surely fetal demise.

Actually Sami, you have been here for me the most. I have told you the most and you really know what you're talking about....so I seem to really listen to you for some reason.

I'm so sorry that mc happened to you. When I worked in the ER a hispanic lady came in and had a twin mmc right in front of the doc and I and the babies were 15-17 weeks along...they were moving. I have that image forever with me....you did it at home, by yourself...I would hope noone would have to go through that, and am very very sorry to read that you did.

***sigh*** Even though I'm a nurse, I'm very afraid of surgery and needles and the whole loss of power. I don't know if I could do a d&c. I am afraid they are going to want to take me to surgery...I haven't had any cramping, pain and only one spot of brown blood this morning. This whole process....women are amazing that do this again and again....

That m/c for me was definitely the hardest loss. The two that followed were faster and a little less painful but I wasn't as far along either. The D&C that I got was basically because my numbers were not going down fast enough and my Dr. was worried about infection. He did give me the choice. And the only reason I opted for it was because Barry said he couldn't watch me go through that again. Thank you for your care and concern....you are a sweetheart.

I hope you don't have to go down that road but I do hope you find a way to do what is best, whatever that might be. I truly am sorry you are still going through this and hope you get some answers soon!

My OB called me late yesterday and was not hopeful at all. He wanted to do a DnC yesterday. He is concerned that the mass is there again by my left ovary. He said that in all of his years practicing OB he has never seen an ectopic and an intrauterine pregnancy at the same time, so he doubts the mass is an ectopic, but has to be cautious. He does not want me to miscarry naturally as it would be impossible to monitor bleeding, pain and my hcg count. He feels that if we do the DnC, then he will be able to see the Hcg go down. If it doesn't, then he will suspect ectopic also and give methotrexate or do a laprascopic surgery to remove it. I then begged him for an ultrasound this Friday before we did the DnC. My reasoning is that if the mass was there for the first ultrasound, gone the second, and back the third, couldn't she have made a mistake measuring the fetal pole? He relented, but made me promise that if I had any pain or bleeding to go straight to the ER. I promised. Now, today, I feel much less optimistic. I think I was in shock. My dh is not happy with waiting, as he sees it as a risk we shouldn't be taking....BUT I can't get over all of the stories where the women have gotten a heartbeat RIGHT before their DnC.....he didn't like my hcg draw from friday to monday either. He said it did not rise enough.

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. Honestly, I don't know why he hasn't mentioned infection to you at this point. That's one of the first things my Dr. discussed with me when he realized the pregnancy wasn't viable. I was already about 8 weeks into it and he was worried if I let nature take it's course that I would end up with an infection.

It's so unfair that we have to go through such things. Whatever happens, I hope that you are taking care of yourself. If Friday comes and you don't see what you want to see or hear what you want to hear, you have to start the grieving process. The longer you hold on, the harder it's going to be. I know how badly you wanted this to result in your rainbow baby but you have to look at the facts. The facts that stand out the most to me are the date that you got your first positive pregnancy test and the fact that at this point, there should be a heart beat. There should be significant growth that you can see. And there isn't. I totally understand how you are feeling right now and your "need to know" heart. I've been there so many times. If this doesn't end well, you really need to give your body a few months to mend before you try again. It's essential for you and for a future baby. But by all means don't give up hope.

I will always be here. If I don't respond fast enough you can email me. I'll send you my email address. I'll even send you my cell number so you can text if you want to. I just don't want you to feel alone in any of this. I know this is really cliche, but everything happens for a reason. You have healthy babies that love and need you so don't let this one horrible experience hurt your heart too much. I'm saying a little prayer for you and baby....xo

He(my OB) really has been very patient with me and has done everything that I have asked of him. He did repeat betas, gave the progesterone, this last ultrasound. He really let me be involved in my care, and I hope on Friday I remember to thank him for that.

I know that Friday's ultrasound will 99.9% reveal no heartbeat. I realized that this morning. There isn't going to be the magical crazy "defeating all odds" ultrasound that is super rare.

My dh said that to me this morning; "everything happens for a reason"....and we don't get to understand what the reason is sometimes. He hopes we will try again...I just need some time to lapse to heal everything. I'm sure maybe in the fall or something I'll be up for it.

We have to keep talking!! I want to hear about the baby and you have to help me with the dang baby shower! Yes?

Ty for the kind words

Absolutely!! Of course! I want to stay in touch too!!

So on Friday the ultrasound showed nothing in the gestational sac. The ultrasound also stated that there was a corpus luteum cyst of 2mm with no mention of an ectopic. The OB said that I could miscarry naturally if I wanted to. I was so afraid of surgery then, I jumped at the natural. I'm still not bleeding yet, and am getting pretty apphrehensive....supposed to get blood drawn on wednesday.