Community post

Hi ladies.

Well I managed to get My schooling set up for January. It took me 8 hours to get everything "fixed" but I did it. I'm going to be taking night classes 2 days a week. today has been so emotionally draining. I sat in financial aid office for 2 hours filling out papers and stuff for them to tell me I'm not eligible for any financial aid because I don't have A BABY or am not EXPECTING! I wanted to snap that Woman's neck! And then after the anger phase passed I just wanted to break down. Its NOT my fault I'm not pregnant and don't have a baby yet and those words cut me so deep today....I actually couldn't believe they could legally or ethically tell someone that but obviously they can, and they do.

Anyways enought of my sad sob life troubles.

I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'll respond to everyone individually tomorrow. Today has just been terrible. Love y'all and praying for y'all.

Hi ladies!! I'm baaaaaack!!

Bee - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOOO happy for you hun!!! Sending tons of your way!!!

Shea - OMG thats awful!! As if they say stuff like that, talk about a knife in the heart

Mrs.Ott - for

AFM - I had a great trip! Felt great the whole time, a little cramping in the middle of the night last night, but af should be do in a week or so, so that is pretty normal. Shopped a LOT & got some great deals!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend/beginning of the week!
Joy

19 Days till Christmas!!

My Birthday has started off on a very wonderful note. A temp RISE that definitely means I O'd yesterday!!! Happy Birthday to me! Now for those Dh's swimmers to catch the egg.

Faith, That's dear hoping your Penny is getting better.

MrsOtt, thank you dear. I have been thinking about you too. Fx'd that a BFP is right around the corner for you instead of AF.

Bee, thank you dear. Hugs to you and your not neurotic lol..

shea, I'm glad you got your schooling set up for January but how rude of the financial aid lady to say what she did. They shouldn't make assumptions either.

Joy welcome back and glad you had a wonderful trip.

Good Morning Ladies:

The moment you have all been waiting for - Penny is fine. I know you ladies had trouble sleeping last night waiting to find out how my dog was - hahahahaha!

But seriously though.....

Joy - where did you go?

Bee - do you find that now you can somehwhat exhale? When I got pregnant in Janaury I felt super stress-free, kinda. Like the book says I didn't "sweat the small stuff." It was weird. This "thing" just came over me and there was no bad in the world anymore. I'm probably not describing it right - actually I'm sounding like a lunatic - LOL!

Bug - now we know what the pain on your side was about. Happy Birthday Lady.

Well, my little cousin went home last night - YAY! Ugh, he's a true dumb teenage boy - LOL! My aunt went to Vegas with her boyfirend for a few days and I totally forgot that I promised to take him back in August. It wasn't so bad I guess. My poor son couldn't wait for him to leave. They are sort of different. My kid's got swag and my cousin is kinda doofy.

Anyway, went to the gym last night and did 2.77 miles on teh treadmill - YAY me!

There's no way I could ever begin to catch up to you ladies, but I will say that Bee...I'm am SOOO thrilled for you! and all the dog chapstick talk on here has lightened my heart just a tiny bit, so thank you all for sharing your stories, whether they contain BFP's or silly stories, I appreciate them all.

AFM ~ A week before my hubby's surgery I found out that he had been sitting at work on his laptop looking at porn sites, watching live cams of people having sex and Lord only knows what else, had created several dating profiles, and had even posted an ad on Craigslist seeking "MFM FWB" which is Man for Man Friends With Benefits. OMG!!! The ad said he wanted "touching, sucking, etc.". Ladies, I still want to vomit just thinking about it. The past 3 weeks I've been trying to hold it together, decide what I'm going to do about all of this. There were even emails from men he was setting up meetings with! He swears he never met anyone, or intended to, but I call bullshit on that one.

My heart feels like its a gaping hole in my chest, I wake up every morning feeling sick to my stomach, I'm not hungry anymore and when I do eat it feels like a fireball in my gut. I walk around in a haze of pain, stress, anxiety, worry, and indecision. I'm so lost but I think I have to leave. This isn't the first time this year I have learned horrid things about him, but so help me God I never expected all of this! I don't believe in divorce but I feel so betrayed and I can't ever trust him again, so how am I supposed to stay married to a man I can't trust? I think I'm leaving...and there go my baby dreams as well. It's just devastating on so many levels.

Can you ladies help me? What would you do? I've thought about this all for 3 weeks now and I still have that pang inside of me, that vicious ache that isn't getting any better. What would you do???

~ KJ

KJ, Wow that's an awful thing to experience. It sounds like you're really hurting and I'm very sorry you found such a secret and potentially invasive threat to your marriage. *Hugs*

You have been with this news for a while now, so I'm sure any scenario we offer has played out in your mind already. When difficult circumstances come my way, I try my best to act with integrity in my own truth so that when I look back at the experience I can be satisfied with my reaction. This doesn't mean being a spineless toad; I might be satisfied later to reflect on a screaming tantrum and walking out. But it does mean that I would try to think my reaction through. It sounds like your man needs some counseling if he's the kind of person who was fully committed to you and also having these feelings/interests. He's acted in a confused way, and probably isn't sure what he wants from a meaningful relationship. This is NOT something you did to him.

If I were in your position, I would temporarily send him or go to a friend's or parent's house (if possible) so that we wouldn't have the day to day stuff grating on each other. Then I would insist on at least 5 sessions of counseling with him before making a more permanent decision. They don't all have to be together, but each of you go 5 times and maybe 3 of them together, since having both partners in the room keeps everyone honest. Keep requests tangible right now so you both know when actions breach or fulfill the requests. Lastly, I would make a point to be doing something just for me each day, whether it be an hour of reading in my favorite coffee shop or a swim.

Poor sweetheart!

Sending you all my love,
Bee

Kj- Holy Hell that man has dropped a bomb on you! bless your heart! I wish there was something I could say or do to ease the pain... And I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. You poor dear. I know that a lot to take in, it has to be.

Looking at all this from a medical standpoint. I think it would be very helpful and therapeutic for you to talk to a counselor or therapist before making this desicion. And if you and dH want to work on things then I think you should demand him to get counseling too...obviously he has some underlying issues he needs to work on.

But looking at it from a woman's stand point and from my own experiences and beliefs I probably wouldn't be able to stay. I'm Deffinatly not telling you what to do though! I caught DH looking at nude pictures on the Internet after I previously told him I didn't agree with it. Actually we got into 2 fights about it before. But when I caught him the 3 rd time, he waited till e though i was asleep and was looking at it. Wen i came in the room and caught him he lies to my face! So I packed my stuff and left. Of course he hunted me down and begged me to take him back and not leave him and I came home. But we had to work on our relationship. I didn't trust him anymore. I put locks on the All the computers. But he realized then I wast going to put up with it.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous but I have a lot of factors that tie into the way I feel about the porn/sex industry.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there are a lot of things that play into all this. Does he own up to making a mistake? Is he willing to work on it and try to make things right? And most importantly, will you be able to live with his mistake and forgive him?... That why I think it would be beificial to talk to a professional and maybe some time apart wouldn't hurt either. You have just ha your heart ripped to shreds...and that's not something you can bounce back from over night. We are here for you. If you Want to vent or talk to me inbox me, Facebook me, it doesn't matter. Praying for you and biG hugs.

Woah. KJ, I don't even know what to say. I pray that you will find your own way and the best way. I do stand behind what Bee and NurseJones said. They have great observations, ideas and it's a strong place to start. Ugh. I wish I had the right words.
My DH and I have had a few arguements about Porn and suggestive internet/magazines too. Although we don't have the same views on the subject he has respected and he has responded to my wishes.
Big hugs and you know you have friends here. Thank you for being brave enough to share with us. We are here for you. Please PM any of us if you need us.
Big Hugs and Love.

Oh God KJ,

I was in the same situation with my husband several times but with women. Right after we got married he was calling women he met thru work and meeting women on a Yahoo dating site. I've found naked pics of women on his phone recently. At first I was like "I'm leaving" and feared that I would look stupid if I stayed. But I have my son to think about. He would be devastated. And yeah is that the kind of role model I want for my son -but the crazy thing is he's a GREAT father.

The other issue is that I am the bread winner in my house so if he left he would be living in a room in the ghetto, which I can't have my son seeing. He would cost me more if we were separated/divorced.

Also, I want a baby and son't want to do it with a sperm donor - alive or frozen. And he will give it to me, damn it!

I look at it like this - you have to do what you feel is right for you. You can't always do what people want you to do or what they think is right for you because it's complicated. If you decide to stay he needs therapy to find himself. I don't know the whole story but it seems like he's confused about his identity. You could probably use some too as a way to assist you in dealing with this.

P.S. My other thought is that why make it easy for him? I won't leave my husband for that reason - so he can ggo out and have a good time with a ton of women - NO WAY!

Umh... does anyone see a theme here? What is it with these guys and porn/naked pictures? WTF.... we're all giving these guys an abundance of sex (hence TTC) and yet that's not good enough for them!!!! I have to ask myself is this what I'm raising - is this what my son's gonna be like - completely disrespectful, self-centered, and impulsive? What is wrong with them?