Community post

Jill, I'm so sorry! My thoughts are with you and your family. :(

snow - so sorry, heart goes out to you and your family. I hope is is now happy and out of pain and can look down on you xx

Today was the wake and I stood there holding my mothers cousins baby girl who is just a sweetheart and I love to bits and everyone told me how good I was with the baby and wondered when I was going to have a baby of my own. The night was hard enough without having to be reminded that I'm not pregnant yet. I figured I'd be safe from anything ttc related tonight but no. Of course not. Good news is I get to visit the baby whenever I need my newborn fix.

Today was the funeral and it went lovely but when we went to bury him it turns out they opened the wrong grave. Everyone was devistated. My grandfather must be rolling in his coffin. It was horrible like a bad movie. But everyone recouped and were going to bury him tomorrow .

I still cant believe he's gone. Every now and then it hits me and I start bawling. I really wish he was still here. I'm going to miss him so much.

This thread seems to have gone quiet over the past few days. But here I am to change that! I hate everything today! I go for my blood work tomorrow to check if my iui actually did the trick but I am not feeling positive at all. My temp chart looks ok but I don't feel like I think I should. Other than today I feel like I am giong to cry at the drop of a hat but that could just be all the emotions I have been trying to keep in check over the past two weeks just all coming down at once. I have been testing for like the past week and even though I know it was too early I was hoping. Well now it shouldn't be too early and I am getting extremly discouraged. Like to the point where I just want to give up. I don't have anymore fight in me and I'd just like to weld my emotional rollercoaster cart into place so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore!!!!

Ok gotta get to work, and somehow make it through this day withough crying my face off in front of everyone. One thing I hate more than feeling this way is getting sympathy from people who have no idea what I am going through. Ugh!!!!

I'm starting to think ill never be a mother and I'm starting to think its probably for the best. I'll probably be a horrible mother anyway. I think I'm just going to give up.

df isn't completely on board with my ttc again. it thinks we should wait. wait for what? he smokes marijuana and cigarrettes which doesnt help. it pisses me off, but i understand where hes coming from. sigh.