Community post
Confessions of the Infertile Woman
Hi ladies. I know I'm not the only woman here who has fertility problems and sometimes feels very alone.
I'm only in my fourth month of ttc but I've been told by my doctor that due to a deformity of my uterus I may have some serious problems staying pregnant (if I'm ever blessed enough to even become pregnant). I will know more though after I get an mri tomorrow.
Anyway, sometimes thoughts pop into my head and then I feel guilty for thinking such negative things. I fear that if I confess these feelings to other people that they will judge me as a bad person or as insane as some of these things are irrational.
But I know I can't be the only one who experiences this.
So I thought I would create a thread where we can confess our frustrations and negative thoughts that we have regarding our fertility problems. I want this to be a place where we can freely express our emotions without anyone judging, just supporting.
Basically, I want a group therapy page!
So let me start off by giving some of my own confessions:
~When I see pictures of my friends' pregnant bellies, I feel jealous and angry
~I know I'm supposed to believe that God is testing me, but sometimes I feel like he is punishing me
~I get angry when I see people that don't take good care of themselves (much less their children) having babies when I can't.
~I judge other mothers as being less deserving
~I have constant nightmares about having miscarriage after miscarriage which cause me to wake up sweat drenched
~I feel like a failure as a woman
~I fear my husband may one day resent me if I can't give him children
~I fear this is somehow all my fault
~I hate myself for not being able to really be happy for my friends who have been blessed with children
~Sometimes the only way I can cheer myself up is by thinking "Well at least I won't lose my sexy body as quickly as my friends."
So many dark thoughts cross my mind sometimes and I was always a very happy, positive person before.
What dark thoughts do you have that you feel you can't share with anyone else?
288 Replies • 13 years ago
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Use this calculator to help you decide when to take your first home pregnancy test.
Replies
xXx Yasmine xXx
Hi Everyone - so today is my anniversary. Hubby surprised me with a day at the spa complete with a tapa menu a the end. We had the entire resturant to ourselves almost the entire time. At the very end we had a table of 3 women come in. They announce to the waiter that they wont be drinking as 2 of them are preggers and the other is breast feeding - are you kidding me!!!!!! Man! So jealous!!!! They continued to chat about labour and birth and babies the rest of the time. So hard to sit right next to them.....
13 years ago
so that by next year YOU will be talking about breastfeeding! 
i have a sister in law who just found out she's pregnant after recently saying she didn't want anymore children (she only has 1 other) and as we have tried for our 2nd for over a year, i can't help but sit back and think why her? why not me? i want this sooo bad and yet she doesn't and gets pregnant with a snap of a finger. i'm sure she's happy about it now but it makes me depressed. i don't want to feel this way but it took us over 3 years to have our 1st. i just want to break down in tears when i see her.
12 years ago
Childless life was not for us. My dh and I wanted to have kids so much! I was born without a uterus. There is no chance for me to get pregnant and feel my baby pushing into my stomach. We decided to try surrogacy. It was our only option and we used it. At the same time it was really hard to find good agency or clinic.
There are so many scammers, who want to become rich, using poor people like us. There are even women, who pretend they want to be surrogates and then they get money and disappear. Unfortunately our family faced such woman. We thought the procedure will be cheaper in this way. She seemed so kind and lovely person. After our first payment she was gone. It was so hard to get back to search of another place to go. I was seeing deception and dirty tricks everywhere. After our experience we decided not to contact agencies and especially search sm by ourselves.
We were looking for reliable clinic with professional doctors and high rate of successful treatments. We decided to concentrate mostly on Europe. As India was closed, we were choosing between Russia and Ukraine. Ultimately we chose Ukrainian clinic. Reviews were mostly positive and this clinic has high success rates. Though we had some doubts about their medicine, we decided to go there and check everything. Our concerns faded away when we talk to our doctor and program coordinator. And the most important we saw so many couples there! People all over the world came to this clinic for surrogacy and de ivf programs. We are happy parents now and we have no regrets!
6 years ago
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