Community post

So ladies.. First I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter weekend!! So Easter morning I woke up and went take a pregnancy test!! Yes at only 8 dpo lol why? because I had a very vivid dream that I took two and they were positive!! (it was BFN of course in real life wayy to early) later that day before we went to Easter dinner, I broke down sobbing like someone died and boyfriend was just there to console me, I felt like everything was going wrong and that every little thing made me want to cry, I've been super emotional lately... and then the easter at his parents, me being the ONLY one without children there was to say the least, horrible. then that night we go home laying in bed talking about things and I get emotional again and just wanna go to bed. So in the middle of the night he wakes me up holding me and kissing me telling me he loves me and that he'll always be there for me and we have amazing love making.. sorry TMI... well once I fall asleep the vivid dreams start again, I wake up MAD as hell and crying because the dream was he cheated on me and I caught him, oh so viivid... My symptoms so far at 9dpo are:
backache..kinda moderate
acne on my forehead (could be stress)
some twinges off and on
severely emotional
not that hungry

I hope these are all good signs!!

joanie - Aw hun I hate dreams like that! I had a bfp dream last cycle and did the same and got a bfn... very discouraging. And the cheating dream is just crappy. I am sure you will get your bfp soon!

As for me, temp stayed the same this am... so at least it hasnt plumeted! Af could have been due any time between yesterday and this coming sunday... tho it is most likely to come before Wednesday. My average cycle length is about 32 day (that would be today) and my cycles have ranged from 30-36 days but the one 36 day cycle was the first one after my m/c so I dont think it should count. So not counting that one my longest cycle was 34 days...

joanie- im so sorry hun everthing is going to work out for ALL of us hopefully this cycle. and those symptoms sound promising.

Joy-im so happyyou temp stayed up im praying you get your BFP soon! when are you planning to test???

Aisha- that is such a funny story about the little girl and i think you should have kept her because finders keepers just kidding.

as for me ladies im 4 or 5 dpo and no symptoms except one ovary hurts i think its the one i ovulated from though.

Hi ladies

I slept for 12 hours last night! I must have been more exhausted than I realized!

I've only been awake for 40 minutes and I already have a confession. I was reading another thread and everyone was talking about how many dpo they are or when they think they Oed and all I could think about was the fact that when I took my temp this morning it was still low so I doubt I magically Oed during my trip. Why do I keep teasing myself into thinking that maybe I can actually ovulate like normal women?

Then I started thinking that maybe this is my trade off in life. Through my life, I've been very blessed with many skills and talents. I played on a championship soccer team, was a leading lady in many theatrical productions, I can dance, I can rock climb,I can surf, I can scuba dive, I'm a decent chef, I can intubate a person who can't breath, stitch a person who is bleeding, diagnose and treat heart conditions and brain conditions, save lives!!! I've always been able to do pretty much whatever I put my mind to, it just took determination and hard work. I always considered myself so blessed by God for this. But why is it that I can do so many things that most people can't do, but I cant even f***ing ovulate on my own like a normal woman? Pardon my language, but I'm so angry at my body right now. I've accomplished so much with this body but it won't even release and egg? Even the lowest insects can release eggs! Is this the cost for my other successes? Is this the price I have to pay? I never signed a contract with the devil saying make me infertile but give me everything else I want. I would gladly trade all those other skills just to be a mother. I've never taken my blessings for granted and have always thanked God for them because I believe it is He who has blessed me so I hope this isn't punishment for arrogance or anything like that.

I would gladly trade all of my trophies and awards for the ability to have children. I'm so frustrated right now

I know I need to eat... I've been so depressed that the only reason I eat it to try to keep my body healthy so I can get pregnant, but right now I feel like what's the point. I've done everything right and I still can't ovulate on my own. Why do I bother to continue?

Sorry, I'm in a bad mood for no reason, but I know I can get it out here so I can paint on a smile for the rest of the day.

Aisha no ...you are not being punished for being a wonderful and talented woman...i dont understand why these things happen either (and trust me i know how you feel about not ovulating on you own) and it seems logical to say that infertility is a trade off of your other talents but its not. sometimes i think GOD is punishing me too but we have to know deep in our hearts that he is just testing our faith and its not meant to hurt us but make us stronger women. we hardly understand why things happen and i know it sounds cliche but they do happen for a reason. i try to be positive and say well since im trying so hard to have a child im going to be an awesome mother because i wont take my baby for granted like some of my friends who got pregnant at the drop of a hat. and trust me i do get it about hating your body because you cant ovulate but i beleive everyone has to have struggles some people have it in their marriage some in money but we have it in fertility. God gives different people different trials because he has a different plan for all of us. and we dont understand it now but i have faith that we will look back on it when we are old and realize it happened for our benifit eventhough it hurts like hell now.

i know its hard Aisha but you are a strong woman and if you can overcome going to medical school and all your other great accomplishments i know in my heart you can overcome this. and in the meantime you have all of us to help you through on the rough days!

Shea.

Aisha, I complete understand how you feel. I don't ovulate either. My body tries, but it just doesn't happen. I get about three positive opks and three temp dips a month but I never ovulate.

It feels so unfair. I haven't had an easy time in life. I am only 23, yet I have had to deal with things most people never do. As an adolescent I had severe obsessive compulsive disorder and a lot of strange unexplained physical ailments. By the time I was 16 I had finally been properly treated and was successfully managing the OCD. Then, at 17 I ended up being hospitalized for Crohn's disease. This diagnosis explained all of the medical problems I had up to that point. After years of treatment and a year of Remicade (a medication that supresses the immune system) I am finally in remission. I actually turned out to be a very well adjusted adult through all of it. I am married to a wonderful man, I graduated from college, I am active in my church, and things were finally going right for me. I thought God might actually give me a break and make it easy for me to become a mother. Of course, that hasn't turned out to be the case. I don't understand why everything pertaining to my body has to be so difficult for me but easy for other people. What did I do wrong?

My heart breaks for all of you. I feel as tho i'm being punished too for something because how can so many other women get pregnant and not me. This is a very emotional journey and some days are easier than others. But it sounds as tho there is a huge support system backing all of us, and thats so important! without my boyfriend being so great I don't know if I could do it on my own with no one there to understand the struggle. I feel guilty today because I keep thinking horrible thoughts. His ex wife was able to give him children and now I can't, I always find myself compairing myself to her. She even had a child for another man while they were married and she was still blessed with two more children after that. I don't understand and it's not fair. i don't think she should have been punished for her mistake thats not what i'm saying at all, but geeeees these horrible thoughts. I know its because i'm so emotional and every cycle its getting harder but being positive is becoming a challenge.. and today for lunch I went home and watched a baby story on TLC what is wrong with me.... ? I coulda cried for hours after...

Sorry I tried to post earlier but my internet went all screwy...

Aisha, Aw sweetie I am so sorry that you have been having such a rough time!! I know it can feel like you're being punished, but this is just another bump in the road. You WILL overcome this, you WILL get your bfp and you WILL be an amazing Mom And your children will know that you wanted them so much you did everything in your power to bring them into this world. And they will know they will never be more loved or wanted by anyone else This will not beat you, you are too strong for that

I'm here if you need to vent/cry or anything!

Thanks guys! It's so nice to have a group of ladies I can say these things to and receive support from and not judgement. I know you all feel similar things and I honestly pray for all of you multiple times a day.

Shea- Thanks for the support and for reminding me of God's plan. I am a very spiritual person, but some days I still need these reminders.

Rachel- I'm sorry you have had such a rough time too. I know what you mean by feeling you have suffered enough and deserve better now. My father was an alcoholic drug addict and I suffered through abuse and poverty growing up. I used these hard times to inspire me to be better than that and I can say they drove me to accomplish what I have, but I thought that was the end of it and I didn't deserve more suffering. Perhaps this too will make me stronger. I pray that you too will overcome all you've been through and come out stronger on the other end. We've both made it this far, right? I guess we will find a way to keep going and get our babies.

Joanie- I hear ya! My dh's ex got pregnant on their honeymoon and she only wanted to get pregnant so she could have an easy income for 18 years! I can't even begin to tell you the wicked things she has done to my dh and their son. It is so frustrating that these women who have caused others so much pain get blessed with children while we can't get pregnant. It seems so unfair

Joy- Thank you thank you thank you!!! I am really so blessed to have such good friends here on this site that I can turn to for support and that understand all this.

I love and appreciate you all so much more than I can express!

Hi Ladies!

Seems like this thread is getting a little more activity than the clomid thread so here I am for now.....

I can sympathize with ALL of you!

Aisha - The GREAT thing about your situation is that you know (from experience) that clomid makes you ovulate. There are many women who do not ovulate even on clomid. I have a friend who has been TTC for 3 years, on clomid for over a year and she doesn't ovulate. Even though you and I both are kind of in a waiting pattern, I'm optimistic that it will happen for us!

Rachel - I have OCD too and it can get really bad sometimes! Especially under the stress of TTC. Let me know if you ever need to vent about anything!

Shea - I am not a religious person but I am spiritual and I totally agree with what you were saying. My husband was soooo nervous about TTC b/c he thought we would get pregnant right away and he was scared. After a year of TTC, he and I both want this now more than ever as we both realize that the best things in life are not easy.

AFM - I am a little upset tonight as my best friend is due in a few weeks and she recently informed me that her and her hubby filled out a will indicating hubby's step sister and husband would care for the baby in the event of their deaths. I am so devastated for multiple reasons. I feel like I am not as important to her as I thought (we have practically been sisters for YEARS), and I feel like I won't be an important part of her baby's life. Not only can I NOT get pregnant right now, I can't even be a part of my best friend's baby's life either.....