Community post

Aroma - Rachel is right. I agree with what she said above.

Rachel - AFM stands for "As for Me" and ppl use it when they are updating what is going on with them. So many codes on this site it is easy to lose track!!!

aroma - the most troubling thing for me is that you will spend the rest of your life angry about this. Let me say, I would be angry too! But, trust me, carrying around anger isn't a way to live, with or without your husband. There is always going to be someone in your life with children. Will you hate and resent them too, do you think? Honestly, I would recommend some counseling to deal with this pain and grief. Maybe not right away, but at some point I don't think it would be a bad idea.

SO many of us have either seen a counselor or are currently seeing one. There is no shame in it. I work as a counselor but I have also been through my own counseling.

If you take that piece of advice, than I would say decide on your marriage after you go to counseling. Because what you have described is not a marital problem, it is a personal problem. Don't shut people out of your life who you love because you are going through some personal challenges. He might just turn out to be your angel. Do you really love him? I say this without any prior knowledge of your relationship.

But if this situation is just a timely issue that you can use to get you out of a marriage you want out of anyway, and that is what you wanted prior to TTC problems, than you should leave.

But I do think time alone and counseling will help give you a better perspective.

I can also say for me, that I would rather be a mother than not a mother. That means doing whatever it takes. So either I would look at taking out a loan for IVF or if I can't do that, I would ask some beautiful woman in my life if she would surrogate for us, which I would hope she would do for free. But that is me.

I just hope, at some point sooner rather than later, for your sake, you can make peace with your body and go on to lead a happy life, whatever that looks like for you. truly....

Hi ladies

Aw aroma hunny, I am so sorry for everything you're going through right now. I have to say I agree whole heartedly with what Jamie & rachelm said.

If your issue here is you and your body then I would suggest trying councelling or some other way to make peace with yourself because as Jamie said there will always be someone in your life with kids. But dont leave your dh just because your unhappy with your body.

If the issue really is the marriage and your relationship then you should leave and move on.

If being a mom is that important to you then you cant give up no matter what the odds are against you, or what obsticles stand in your way. Try to stay positive (I know it's really hard given your situation) and look for other possibilities. Weather that means finding a surrogate, finding a way to raise money, or even moving to somewhere that does cover ivf.

I know it's hard but you have to make peace with it sooner or later and I really dont think leaving your dh will make things any better or worse.

Bens10 and Expecting are right. I think counseling would be a great idea. I had to start seeing one when I got my PCOS diagnosis. It is still hard sometimes, but going to a therapist has helped a lot. The therapist that I go to does something called EMDR. It has really worked well for me in many areas of life, but especially with dealing with infertility.

I feel so stupid that I thought AFM was a person! So many acronyms to remember!

AFM (LOL) - I am sooo irritated. I forgot to take my temp this morning until an hour after I woke up. So of course I can't even use it!

I calculated when I should be ovulating with this cool tool that calculates when you should o based on when you started clomid. I will enter my fertile period the day I leave for vacation and it will end the day DH has to go back to work! We couldn't have planned that better if we had tried.

I have a question. My doc tells me to only have sex every other day, but I read a lot of other places that say every day. What do you gals think?

The reason for every other day is to give his body time to replenish with lots more swimmers. They say it takes only one, but it actually takes quite a few more than that (only one fertilizes, but it takes a lot of them to break through the barrier so that one can fertilize).

Having said that, we BD every day - but he's been tested and has superstar swimmers, so we're comfortable that we aren't really taking a chance by BDing daily. Of course, we aren't PG yet, so...

rachelm - dont feel bad about the "AFM" thing! LoL took me a while to catch on to it too!

As for the bd-ing, if you doc says evey other day than thats what I would do... my dh and I bd'd every day around my fertile period for 5 or 6 cycles and it got us nowhere, so I am thinking for the average Joe every other day is probably best. (Unless you get your dh tested and he has super swimmers like Nikidolls dh!)

Morning! Rachel - it takes a while to figure out all the codes for sure!!!

If your doc says every other day I would go with that. My doc said every day for at least a week but we found that a lot. Last month we switched to every other day and every day when I o (for 3 days in a row). We got preggers last month so maybe that helped? I did m/c though :( Good luck!

Rachel- For the longest time I wondered who AFM was too! I used to check through past posts trying to figure out who she was!

Kristine- I agree with what the others have said. Making a life changing decision after bad news is never a good idea. I agree that a counselor may help you in many ways, including making this decision. After some time, you can always leave, but you can't always come back. A counselor is a professional with this kind of thing so I recommend seeing one and asking them for advice.

I personally have seen a counselor and I would be a lot of ladies on this thread have too.

Hi ladies!

I know I don't write on this thread often but I noticed some of my clomid buddies frequent this thread so I'll try to "stop by" every once in a while if that's ok.

Aroma - I have been following your story and I really want you to know that I have been keeping you in my thoughts. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make it better but I just wanted to say that I agree with what all the other ladies are saying about your marriage. There is no reason to make a quick decision when you are so distraught (and rightfully so!). It sounds like kids are SO important for you so I would take out a loan and pursue IVF or adoption. You can do it! I am a teacher and cannot afford it either but dh and I will definitely take out a loan to finance our "dream" if need be. Don't give up! You deserve your miracle!

My confession - As some of you know I am a health teacher. I work predominantly in an inner city school with a good amount of teen pregnancy. A pregnant teen came up to buy a water from me (we sell bottled water) and I felt so much animosity towards her! I should feel sympathy as she is in no position to raise a child but literally all I felt was that lump in the back of my throat and ANGER. Not feeling like a good teacher/mentor these days....

I am on no meds yet for the PCOS. He wants to confirm my tubes are clear before he starts me on the metformin. It is really agitating because even if they are not clear (of god, I hope they are!),the metformin can help me with the issues I have not related to fertility from this disorder.