Community post

Still nothing more than vvvfl, if anything. I'm kinda mad at myself because I swore up and down I wouldn't test early, I dont even know what dpo I am. I could be 7, I could be starting my period tomorrow. So I have a couple more test. I'm going to test in 2 days, and 2 after that. But I'm just really kinda pissed right now, to be candid. I've been crampy for a week, not really period cramps more sharp. And crying over everything but that's most likely just due to my frustration!
My sister has left over hpts....and that's insane to me! Like when I finally get my positive I think I will still be peeing on them just to see my lines! Ooo this ttc madness!

I'm so sorry. I totally get it. There's no words of wisdom I can share. I can just say we are there for you!

Thanks ladymae! It so helps to have other women to rely on for support. I got a little lecture from the husband today on the amount of pregnancy tests I have hoarded...... he was right, but it made me emotional.
How are you guys doing? I think about you and your sweet husband a lot.

I totally get it. Sometimes I think hubby might think I'm a bit off because of all the tests, but he has yet to say anything. I think I'd get emotional too.

I still can't shake that first evil doctor calling me a "curious george" and saying I was harming myself and my husband emotionally by testing at 12 dpo. One, I have the right to know what's going on with my body at any given time and I shouldn't be made to feel infantalized or wrong for exercising that right. Two, it wasn't even a valid statment because iit wasn't a CP, it was a miscarriage and I had to be followed because it was looking like an ectopic. Surely I would have tested any time over the next few weeks when I was having weird bleeding/cramping and no period. If I hadn't, wouldn't that be not taking care of myself?

Ugh not to make it about me! I just can totally see getting defensive about testing I guess... cause I'm right back to being defensive myself!

We are doing the best we can. It is definitely hard on us emotionally.

That doctor was horrible, if it was me that had happened to, I know I would still be filled with rage anytime I thought of it. Knowing your body and what's going on inside is a wonderful thing and no doctor worth their salt would ever think to condemn someone for taking charge of their health!
I was reading the other day that there are ancient Egyptian writings that are basically women documenting their ttc....and how frustrated and obsessed they were! So it's nice to know I'm just following an age old tradition

Just to keep up with my journaling of this month...even though mentally I'm over it.
Its cd30....I been having sharp af feeling cramps on and off for the past 4 days, and that heavy period feeling in my uterus so I'm pretty sure its coming. Just waiting to get it over with. Theres been a handful of times where I thought it started but was just cm. My cervix is high still but hard. I've been in a pretty good mood, just ready to get on to the next month. No more hpts taken since the last one I posted. I'm pretty sure what I thought was my vvfl was just the indent. If I hit cd35 I might take one....but I really dont want to see that white space. I'm mad at myself for testing and thinking there was hope instead of being laid back. But it is what it is. I'm resilient and it will be ok :)

Just keeping up with journaling...
Took a dollar store hpt this morning, I dont think you could have a more negative result but I'm a little frustrated because I feel pregnant, but I know I'm not. I think it's just the drudgery of this long cyle. But I feel nausea in the evening, I'm hot and nothing sounds good to eat other than cold food. Applesauce and ice. Not knowing my exact dpo is also driving me crazy because it gives me hope, maybe I should have just kept doing the opks....but then that could be another thing I over analyze! Something I never thought I would say right now....but damn I hope my period starts quick!

I understand your frustration, that tiny bit of hope just lingers there even if everything in your mind is screaming to let it go it just wont shake and aunt flo is the only thing that stops it. I really hoped that you would just turn right around and get pregnant after your loss:( I know that you have a rough road ahead of you because even after you concieve you will still be worried and anxious. But just hang in there, I just know that you will be a great mommy to a bouncing rainbow baby soon!

Thanks rooroo. It will happen! Just not as quick as I wanted, but that's ok :)
Meanwhile ill just keep googling 'late bfp success stories'

How you doing?