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EDIT - Unplanned pregnancy, DH doesn't want it?!?!
Update in comments, advice please!!!
Help! DH and I were in huge conflict about having a fourth child at the start of this year; he was dead against it but I really ached to do it all one more time. We talked so often, trying so hard to understand each other's perspectives, and eventually agreed that we would TTC only once in Feb and if it didn't happen, I would start contraception until he could get a vasectomy. I have been taking the mini pill and I have an appointment to get the Mirena coil fitted next week. DH recently had surgery so since we haven't been DTD, I stopped taking the pill so I expected a break-through bleed. There have been a few occasions where I have forgotten to take it regularly over the past few months and I've had a bleed a week or so later, so when it didn't happen, I thought I'd be best to take a HPT. They would likely test me before getting the coil fitted anyway. Well, it is a glaring positive!!!
Now, I'm freaking out a bit. I want to be so happy and excited, I had fully resigned myself to never experiencing this joy again. I've even been selling or giving away lots of our baby equipment, which was emotional but I felt like I was really coming to terms with it and was focusing on enjoying all the things we could now do with older children rather than babies. But deep down, no matter how hard I tried to move on, I know this makes me so happy. But I feel very conflicted because DH is going to be gutted. He struggled with our children when they were babies, he didn't bond with them early on and he was so clear that he couldn't face it again. How do I tell him that this has happened? This will not be the happy conversation that it was for our other children, and selfishly I don't want him to ruin this for me, but I feel for him also and I can't stand to upset him. I'm worried he will be angry, and it makes me not want to say anything, although of course I have to. What should I do?!?!
15 Comments • 2 years ago • Edited
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@sarah3182 thanks. He did know I'd missed some, I was always honest with him if I forgot so he could use a condom or abstain until I was protected again. He's blaming me because I didn't like using condoms and chose to use the pill instead, he's now saying I forced him which is ridiculous since he was obviously quite happy to DTD for several months. He thinks if he'd been using condoms he would have been in control so this wouldn't have happened. There's just as much chance of having an unplanned pregnancy using condoms but it doesn't suit him to admit that right now. I don't know what's going to happen but I've booked an early scan in a week and a half because I've read that there's an increased risk of ectopic pregnancy when you're taking the pill.
2 years ago • Post starter
Hi Biggles. So sorry he reacted this way. Hopefully things will calm down over the next few weeks. Just go about your business and stay as calm as possible for the baby. He’s overwhelmed and in shock—wish he could have been nicer about things of course. Good luck and try to think as positive as possible. Things usually have a way of working out. My fingers are crossed for you. Hang in there. 
:
2 years ago
Thank you again. Yesterday and today were awful, he just stomped about ignoring me and doing his own thing. Today after work he asked me if I'd done it on purpose, which of course I didn't. Then we talked a bit more calmly and i basically said to him that he needs to stop treating me like a criminal. He's stressed and scared, I understand that. And if he talks to me about it, I'll try my best to help him. We have come through much harder situations than this as a couple! He is honestly acting like his life is over, it's only a couple of extra years in the little kid stage and they'll all be grown before we know it! I am hoping now that he will be a bit more reasonable, I dont think he would walk out on us. Keeping my fingers crossed it isnt twins 
but I am just waiting for him to settle down a bit so I can really let myself feel happy and excited! A few years down the line I hope we are looking back on this not able to imagine life going any other way. I knew all along there was someone else that I was desperate to meet 
2 years ago • Post starter
So pleased all is going well for you. I'm 18 weeks now and I'm still throwing up lol, so I feel your pain. Your husband obviously needed a bit more time to adjust to the baby. I'm sure he'll love it just as must as you when it's born. Keep us posted and I wish you a happy healthy nine months.xx
2 years ago
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