Community post

Just to keep up with my journaling of this month...even though mentally I'm over it.
Its cd30....I been having sharp af feeling cramps on and off for the past 4 days, and that heavy period feeling in my uterus so I'm pretty sure its coming. Just waiting to get it over with. Theres been a handful of times where I thought it started but was just cm. My cervix is high still but hard. I've been in a pretty good mood, just ready to get on to the next month. No more hpts taken since the last one I posted. I'm pretty sure what I thought was my vvfl was just the indent. If I hit cd35 I might take one....but I really dont want to see that white space. I'm mad at myself for testing and thinking there was hope instead of being laid back. But it is what it is. I'm resilient and it will be ok :)

Aw this is very heartfelt, Espence. It's so hard when someone close gets pregnant so easily. My therapist always reminds me that we're all walking our own paths. I also think that when life gets hard, we learn and improve as people in key ways. It's going to happen for you at the right time... and I'm so sorry about the CP. It's horrible to watch your hopes fade as you poas.

CPs are difficult. I’ve had 3 that I know of, and yet I’m still going nuts with wanting to test, as I’m CD 4 today. I know that if I get an early positive next week, it’s could be a CP. Its hard. Hang in there. It’s easier said than done. TTC is stressful to me, all around!

Just wanted to say I'm really rooting for you this month! Lots of your way!

Aw thanks ladymae, I so appreciate you stopping in to comment on my journey, especially when you are going thru a loss.
CP are hard, I really had to explain to my mom that even though it was early.... I had pinned all my Hope's on that plus sign. I had dreams about every moment of that journey and then watched it fade.

But I have found so much strength and resilience in this community that it hard not to be hopeful!

I'm sure I'll crack tomorrow and pee on every test I can get my hands on ha. If it's a line hopefully it will have had time to darken up for me!

That doctor was horrible, if it was me that had happened to, I know I would still be filled with rage anytime I thought of it. Knowing your body and what's going on inside is a wonderful thing and no doctor worth their salt would ever think to condemn someone for taking charge of their health!
I was reading the other day that there are ancient Egyptian writings that are basically women documenting their ttc....and how frustrated and obsessed they were! So it's nice to know I'm just following an age old tradition

Thanks rooroo. It will happen! Just not as quick as I wanted, but that's ok :)
Meanwhile ill just keep googling 'late bfp success stories'

Thank you, it means so much to have such an understanding supportive community

My opk are already darkening so I'm glad I started them early this month! I'm seriously so impatient to get to the peak and then I can be so impatient thru the 2 week wait!

Losing my mind! My opk were mess this month. Had at least 2 surges, normally have at least 3 dark positives, barely caught the positives this month. So have no idea what dpo I am. Had positive at 8cd and 16cd. My cervix has been super high all month. Been cramping the past 2 days, sharp and rolling feeling. Took an hpt.....which was DUMB. And now I'm staring at maybe a faint line, maybe an indent. Took it with no hold and after drinking a ginger ale. Because I have no self control. I was all ready to start my period in the next week or so but now I'm just going to be driving myself insane. Why do I do this!?!? The only thing keeping me going in a sense of humor about how childish I act during this time!