Secondary Infertility - Aged 35.
<-- These are the faces I make each time I get a and each time ugly AF shows up. I watch people come and go, getting their BFP's, yet I am still waiting. It's been 29 long cycles, I am now on my 30th cycle. My partner is desperate for his own baby and I feel like every month I am letting him down.
I am a YouTuber, and in one of our live pregnancy test videos, he literally cried so hard. I hate seeing what this is doing to him, I hate not being able to do the only thing my body could do - only a few years ago.
I am going to be using this as a journal to blog my emotions, my symptoms and god willing, my very own
Thank you for reading. Looking for cycle buddies!
Cycle 30 - BFN
Cycle 31 - Currently pre-ovulation.
Cycle 32 (Letrozole & Trigger) - ?
38 Comments • 26 days ago • Edited
It's strange (and truly frustrating) how this happens. I hear all kinds of stories about struggles to conceive the first baby, but then subsequent babies are a breeze! However, this is not the case for me. Conceived my first within 3 cycles, and now it's been a painfully slow process TTC baby #2. We started trying again in May 2019, we were so excited to get pregnant in November, only to lose our baby in January 2020. We took a break for a couple of months (since me cycles were a bit abnormal for a few months) and then started again in June. What was equally heartbreaking was the fact that both my sister-in-law and a friend of mine each got pregnant at the same time I did and while I lost my baby, they both went on to have healthy pregnancies/babies. So it was a struggle at time those nine months.
I've felt a huge disappointed each time I get that BFN every month, especially since the last couple of cycles have very much mimicked symptoms that I had with my two pregnancies. So, I can only imagine how you must feel after over 2 years of of BFN. Unfortunately, it's hard to offer comforting words for something that's frustrating, and exasperating, month after month. I have my fingers crossed for you and I hope that you'll get that BFP soon. If you need a cycle buddy, I'm here for ya!
22 days ago
Millbarnett, Hello! You're only two cycles behind me - it's so darn hard isn't it? Each month BFN after BFN. My Fiance hasn't been checked yet but he is a lot younger than me. I'm almost positive I'm to blame as I'm on the cusp of being old old.
Anglys19, Hello! I had my last missed miscarriage last May, I'd have been due 11th January 2020. I have to admit, pregnancy announcements are so darn hard. Especially when these people haven't tried, or haven't tried as long as us and then literally send photo after photo of very clear positive results. It's absolutely soul destroying and heart breaking. I feel for you with your sister in law and friend love. Those cycles are the worst, tender boobs, sickness, frequent peeing - I've definitely been there. Then the internet dipsticks show something and you get your heart set on eventually getting that BFP, even though you know you shouldn't. Then a few days later it comes crashing down when the test don't progress and or AF arrives. I'd love a cycle buddy please! Where are you in your cycle now? I'm CD10, waiting to ovulate within about 5-6 days...
21 days ago • Post starter
MissPug, I’m currently at CD 30, and with the exception of the couple of months after my son’s birth and those couple of months after my MC, my cycles are very consistent. AF almost always arrives around CD 30, give or take a day or two. Normally I have mild symptoms and it’s only cramps, fatigue and back pain. But the last 2-3 cycles, I’ve been having all the intense symptoms and plenty of unusual symptoms. This cycle has been no exception. So I took an FRER Test this morning and BFN for me, so I’m 99.9% sure I’m out until next cycle since it’s been too long since my estimate ovulation date.
21 days ago
Don't rule it out. My husband is 4 years younger than me. We got married when he was 24 and I was 28, still took us 4 years for the 1st baby. It could be something as simple as a vein in the scrotum. I''m fixing to be 36 so I feel like my clock is ticking though. And I think I have problems as well with low progesterone which combined, just takes us forever to get preggo.
21 days ago
Sorry to hear that angyls19.
millbarnett, Thanks love. We will get him a SA at some point. We just need to find one local to us that'll do it privately. have you tried progesterone cream? It never worked for me, but thought I'd suggest it. I'm hoping to try Letrozole soon.
I've officially purchased more sticks for my CBAFM (Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor) and I have purchased all the eqiptment we will need to AI later this week. My speculum arrived earlier today. Pretty excited. Hoping this works.
21 days ago • Post starter
millbarnett I heard about low progesterone issues. I wonder if that might cause some of the intense symptoms that I usually don’t get right before AF. I may have to check it out If this keeps happening.
Have either of you had much success with ovulation testing kits. They have never worked for me..
20 days ago
Angyls19, I used to use OPK’s regularly. I also used to BBT a lot, the last few months I’ve slowly given both up. I am now starting to use my CBAFM again though, because I need to be sure I am sill ovulating on my own. I used to suffer with worse ovulation pains than period pains, but in the last few months - I’ve had no ovulatory pains.
My update; I'm CD11. Another 'Low' on the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor. Totally expected though, I should ovulate Friday/Saturday. Started temping (vaginally) again, todays temperature is 36.59 degrees. My sleeping pattern has normalised somewhat these past few nights which has allowed me to re-start my BBT.
20 days ago • Post starter
I have just been shopping and I have started a concoction of tablets, to help us get pregnant. My partner has also joined in on the vitamin boat. I am now taking (besides folic acid), Omega 3 Fatty Acids, Vitamin C, Zinc, Aspirin (low dosage), COEnzyme Q10, Vitamin B Complex, Vitamin D.
I am CD12 today and I have a 'high' on my Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor. Those tests have certainly darkened, although the OPK's are still very clearly negative. I hope my peak is only a few days away.
I am continuing to chart my BBT.
19 days ago • Post starter
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