Secondary Infertility - Aged 35.
<-- These are the faces I make each time I get a and each time ugly AF shows up. I watch people come and go, getting their BFP's, yet I am still waiting. It's been 29 long cycles, I am now on my 30th cycle. My partner is desperate for his own baby and I feel like every month I am letting him down.
I am a YouTuber, and in one of our live pregnancy test videos, he literally cried so hard. I hate seeing what this is doing to him, I hate not being able to do the only thing my body could do - only a few years ago.
I am going to be using this as a journal to blog my emotions, my symptoms and god willing, my very own
Thank you for reading. Looking for cycle buddies!
I have started a blog - www.waitingimpatientlyforourblessing.blogspot.com
Cycle 30 - BFN
Cycle 31 - Currently 1DPO
Cycle 32 (Letrozole & Trigger) - ?
68 Comments • 9 weeks ago • Edited
Comments (sorted by hugs)
anglys19, BBT is hard work, it's also super frustrating! I'm super glad though that a somewhat normal sleeping pattern has been established for me because I am an insomniac and that made BBT'ing even harder. I'd usually go to bed 5-7am! I'm now going to bed between 9pm and midnight and waking 6-8am. Much better.
I have to admit, I always thought that regular AF = regular O. Usually believe that annovulatory = absent or delayed AF. I'm still no further forward in finding out if that's true or not...
That monitor is the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor. It can do OPK's and HPT's (Purple = OPK, Blue = Pregnancy test). It will only allow you to test 3 days before AF. I used it again to give it a second chance, but it missed my peak so I'm not overly keen on these. BUT, the OPK strips did not turn positive for me - the monitor peaked, so that's good, right?
I'm 6DPO although FF and Femometer think I'm only 5DPO. FF hasn't given me cross hairs so I've manually entered them myself. We BD/AI on O-2, O, O+2. I know that O-2 is usually the most successful.
I have no real symptoms of pregnancy at all, I'm not feeling hopeful whatsoever. AF is due next Thursday - I have a short LP (11 Days) and she usually shows on 12DPO. I'm trying to busy myself with wedding preparations to take my mind off TTC. We've requested birth certificates and, depending on finaces, may well get married before Christmas. I've already bought my shoes and a veil. He's got his suit jacket and trousers. I also dangerously made an offer on ebay for 6 CB pregnancy tests which was then accepted.
Who is testing soon? I'm going to try and wait until Tuesday 20th.
I think I can establish via my BBT that my ovulations are weak, and as a result of that my progesterone is also pretty darn weak.
I'm next going to try another soya isoflavones cycle and take the maximum (200mg per day, for 5 days) on Days 3-7 and try to boost those hormones. Failing that I'm going to try Letrozole and possibly, a Letrozole and trigger cycle.
7 weeks ago • Edited • Post starter
The blood tests from Monday came back with mixed results.
I am borderline B12 deficient. My Iron is low - I am anaemic (I usually am anyways, because I bleed so heavily).
My diabetes check (HbA1C) came back negative, thank goodness.
The doctor has prescribed me iron tablets, and lactulose.
I'm pretty sure if you were to shake me, I'd sound like a pill bottle at the moment. Regardless, I am feeling confident with this cycle, and I'm feeling positive.
I have restarted my Vitamin B complex. Vitamin B12 deficiency is linked to ovulatory infertility, babies failing to implant and miscarriages. Which really makes me question some of the faint lines I've got - and whether they've been further losses. For my own sanity I'm going to say NO - they were just false / indents. I've had 12 losses so far, so I'd hate to think my loss count is much higher.
I also can't wait to book our wedding.
28 days ago • Post starter
Oh no, I am a day late coming to check, as felt awful yesterday. Really thought I would come back to something definitive.
I saw in your original post that you had a channel. I have a long fertility history. 11 yrs ttc and one baby then three spontaneous pregnancies in two years! Resulting in my youngest two. Hover around here, as we are not ttc but I am always testing incase!
Keeping everything crossed. Xx
18 days ago
Just seen your update on the other thread. I feel your pain, I really do. Somehow, and from somewhere we get the strength to carry on ttc, when it feels the world Is against us. Unexplained infertility is awful, as there is no issue to place the blame on. However, there is always the chance you will conceive naturally, for the exact reason above.
18 days ago
It's strange (and truly frustrating) how this happens. I hear all kinds of stories about struggles to conceive the first baby, but then subsequent babies are a breeze! However, this is not the case for me. Conceived my first within 3 cycles, and now it's been a painfully slow process TTC baby #2. We started trying again in May 2019, we were so excited to get pregnant in November, only to lose our baby in January 2020. We took a break for a couple of months (since me cycles were a bit abnormal for a few months) and then started again in June. What was equally heartbreaking was the fact that both my sister-in-law and a friend of mine each got pregnant at the same time I did and while I lost my baby, they both went on to have healthy pregnancies/babies. So it was a struggle at time those nine months.
I've felt a huge disappointed each time I get that BFN every month, especially since the last couple of cycles have very much mimicked symptoms that I had with my two pregnancies. So, I can only imagine how you must feel after over 2 years of of BFN. Unfortunately, it's hard to offer comforting words for something that's frustrating, and exasperating, month after month. I have my fingers crossed for you and I hope that you'll get that BFP soon. If you need a cycle buddy, I'm here for ya!
8 weeks ago
Millbarnett, Hello! You're only two cycles behind me - it's so darn hard isn't it? Each month BFN after BFN. My Fiance hasn't been checked yet but he is a lot younger than me. I'm almost positive I'm to blame as I'm on the cusp of being old old.
Anglys19, Hello! I had my last missed miscarriage last May, I'd have been due 11th January 2020. I have to admit, pregnancy announcements are so darn hard. Especially when these people haven't tried, or haven't tried as long as us and then literally send photo after photo of very clear positive results. It's absolutely soul destroying and heart breaking. I feel for you with your sister in law and friend love. Those cycles are the worst, tender boobs, sickness, frequent peeing - I've definitely been there. Then the internet dipsticks show something and you get your heart set on eventually getting that BFP, even though you know you shouldn't. Then a few days later it comes crashing down when the test don't progress and or AF arrives. I'd love a cycle buddy please! Where are you in your cycle now? I'm CD10, waiting to ovulate within about 5-6 days...
8 weeks ago • Post starter
MissPug, I’m currently at CD 30, and with the exception of the couple of months after my son’s birth and those couple of months after my MC, my cycles are very consistent. AF almost always arrives around CD 30, give or take a day or two. Normally I have mild symptoms and it’s only cramps, fatigue and back pain. But the last 2-3 cycles, I’ve been having all the intense symptoms and plenty of unusual symptoms. This cycle has been no exception. So I took an FRER Test this morning and BFN for me, so I’m 99.9% sure I’m out until next cycle since it’s been too long since my estimate ovulation date.
8 weeks ago
Don't rule it out. My husband is 4 years younger than me. We got married when he was 24 and I was 28, still took us 4 years for the 1st baby. It could be something as simple as a vein in the scrotum. I''m fixing to be 36 so I feel like my clock is ticking though. And I think I have problems as well with low progesterone which combined, just takes us forever to get preggo.
8 weeks ago
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