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Holy. $h!t. It looks positive!

I believe I am 9dpo today (FF says 8dpo) but it is a little confusing this month since the IVIg infusion I had delayed ovulation. But I *think* I ovulated late (like 9pm) on CD18 due to feeling O pains. FF put it at CD19 because of the temp dip early the next morning.

Last night I actually took a test. Used one of the new OSOM tests I had. Looked at it after 5 minutes and it was white. No biggie, I was 8dpo MAX... way early. Well I go back to it after an hour and HOLY CRAP that looks like a line. I thought it could be an evap, but after consulting Dr. Google it seems evaps are super duper rare on OSOM tests. Hmmm... ok.

I get up at 3am to pee (thanks prednisone...) and do not have the energy to actually test so I literally peed in a cup and put it in the cabinet to use in the morning. I know, that's probably gross. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to do that! I get up at 6:30 and do another OSOM test, plus a cheapie. After 5 min I actually do see a line on the cheapie and the OSOM is blank. After 30 minutes though I definitely see a line! I then tested with 7a urine, which I swear the cheapie looks lighter, and then held my urine until 11a to test again. BECAUSE I AM OBSESSED... and do not believe that this could be true.

I have had two crappy cheapies with very bad dye runs, so not the best for comparison. The OSOM tests all look about the same, but they sure do give a girl a heart attack when you're waiting for them to develop. Sandy, you weren't joking when you said they take a while!! I also picked up a box of FRERs while I was at Walgreens this morning dropping off our Redbox movie and it was my lucky day!! In the back they had one box of the "old school" FRERs without the curved stick. WOO WOO! I used it at 11a and this is a much stronger line than the first line I saw when pregnant with my daughter.

I emailed my immunologist to confirm my med and lab draw plan and am just waiting to hear back. I'm going to wait until tomorrow to do any beta draws juuuust to make sure this line holds or gets darker. I have a really hard time believing this could be it. This always happens to me so I shouldn't be surprised, but it really sucks. I hate the continual anxiety. Even though I know I shouldn't really compare tests so closely that were taken hours apart for variance in line darkness... I do. I know these can vary in the early days and that it will just stress me out... but I just can't help it. Don't we all do this??

I dove into the mini pharmacy I have in our upstairs closet (we had a really hard time with getting insurance to cover some meds last time so we have been stockpiling since the last loss so that we wouldn't have to go through the same thing again) and started taking the meds I know I will need to. Any support I can give to the developing baby and any suppression I can do on my crazy ass immune system I will do!!

Last but not least... my husband left this morning for a 48 hour work shift!!!!! He is always at work when I find out. ALWAYS. I don't want to send him another text like last time. I am being optimistic about this and trying to figure out how to tell him. Do I drive to the firehouse on Wed (not today... they have a big test...) and tell him? Or do I somehow manage to make it until Thurs and tell him when he gets home in the morning? I will be bouncing off the walls by then.

But for now.... I feel blessed. And so incredibly fortunate that we conceived this month. I know there are others who have been trying for SO long, so I can't help but feel a guilty to have conceived so quickly this time around.

I just have to tell myself it's ok. And that this is just the beginning for me. That my immune system is nothing to take lightly and will require me to by on my toes with pills, injections, patches, and infusions for quite some time. I so hope my body will accept this baby and not attack it. Part three of the waiting game has commenced.

19 Comments • 8 years ago

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