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In my thoughts at 14 months ttc

We cry at the sight of red, silent for a week.
11:11 fails us again & again.
Prayers go unanswered.. so
We turn to ourselves and think.
I must not deserve a child,
I guess i cant make her happy,
Is god supporting our decision?
I guess i cant make him happy,
When you want something so much
you see it every where.
mistakes
One night stands
unfit parents
Everything happens for a reason..
Is god saying we are not meant,
are we not meant to have children.
Adoption? What about the 10 months i will miss.
I was looking forward to hearing the first heart beat.
Beng scared shitless the first doctor visit.
The pain of birth i will have tucked in my memory after he arrives.
Would i cry and fall in love at first sight with the adopted baby?
Or will i love it once i sign the papers.
Is there somthing i am missing.
Yes offspring.
Love for a child that i have no one to share with.
upsession of what i dont have bubbles to the surface
Tonight my heart grows cold once again.
Tonight my stomache aches of emptyness once again.
Tonight i think of you up there once again.
Where are you baby,
when will i meet you if i ever.
Your first look at mommy
your first smile and coo
will i miss it all?
I guess i give up.

1 Comment • 11 years ago

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