Community post

Infertility ttc for a year now just not preventing for 8 months

I don't understand why me. I don't understand why all you trying out their are having struggles. I mean I do for both of us. Because its what we want the most, it's upsetting to know there are others out there dealing with the same struggles for the ones who have it worst and for the ones who don't know it might happen to them. I use to think it would just happen and god would bless me with exactly what I wanted. That was pure ignorance. So here I am, an open book relieving the stress of another negative. I dont even remember when I last tested. I was so mad I didn't care, I was angry because my cycle would be from 30 to even 50 days until I started taking thyme baths to control when it would come. It's nice to be able to control it, I take the bath and the next day it will come. I tested this cycle because tmi I was having brown discharge and sharp pains in my hip. I know I'm not I know I won't be next month or the month after that. I'll just keep not preventing and go on with it deep in the back of my mind. You know I wish I could cry and feel sorry for myself but it's so hard to just face it. I am a mess in my thoughts but I just wish I could just not care. I'm not the miracle girl who got lucky on the first try. I haven't talked to an obgyn and I have an apt on the 18th & you know what I won't bring it up. I'm not not trying because ignorant people say it will happen then. I'm not preventing not really trying because I'm just tired mad and want to clear my head and actually enjoy what I do have. I don't temp I don't test I don't think my symptoms up, and I DON'T care if it happens because i don't want to. It will be a damn miracle.

0 Comments • 11 years ago

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