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Trying to Stave off Insanity

So I guess I've been here for almost and year and have more or less just used the calendar and tracking tools. Time to step out of my box so I stop feeling like I'm alone when I know I'm not.

I was crushed when AF showed up yesterday morning.
Then today we got word that our best friends who were TTC #2 have already achieved success after just a month or 2.

There is no comparison. All the bloodwork, HSG, DH's stuff has all come out perfect. Nothing is physically or hormonally an issue.

LEEPS many years ago may be a partial road block - so tomorrow I take my first Femera pill as we prepare for IUI hopefully soon.

My cycles in the last 10 months have ranged from 32 to 40 days. THe Idea of ovulating in the teen days versus the twenties seems surreal. I am hoping to make some new friends and to be able to share success and maybe learn some ways to keep my mind occupied. We are going to a wedding this coming weekend - we won't be able to be active much while away - which is a bit frustrating. But I will be hopeful.

We will achieve a BFP in 2012. I can do this without going crazy.

Thanks for letting me Babble

106 Replies • 5 years ago


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Hi BeccaLynn! You aren't alone! Taking a glass half full perspective, at least you are entering the part of your cycle where there are things you can do! Are you temping? That makes me feel like I have some control. And you can always control when you BD!

It's the TWW that sucks most. I'm just entering mine now. I'm ovulating today, so maybe I have one last chance to BD. But my honey is a cop, and this is the busiest time of year for him (lots of drunks doing crazy things with fireworks tonight). So when he comes home in the middle of the night to crash, I'll probably have to jump him!

I'm really sorry about your friend... That sounds terrible to say, as it should be good news that she is pregnant. But I completely understand how you feel. My best friend got pregnant on the first time she ever tried to... Not just the first month, the first and only BD without protection! Then baby number two was the exact same thing. In retrospect, I am so jealous.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. And any time you need to vent, we will listen!!

5 years ago

Thank you Beatricebythesea -

This weekend was interesting- was out of state at a family wedding and got to see bother and sister-in-law and get their "inside" story.

It is good to know I am not alone. My sister-in-law is TTC #1 also and having the same things done as me right now. Sounds like things are more extensive perhaps for them than what I am dealing with. I don't want the brother's to compete. And right now I can calmly say I'm not competing.

My view of the process of getting help, of getting pregnant and what to expect is dead opposite of Sis-in-law. I'll take joking, friendly open dr. office over efficiency any day. All I can do is take deep breaths, and let nature take its course. Finished Feremara treatment on Saturday - waiting for a Positive OPK and then in we go for IUI. Little nervous about all this - hard not to think that Sis-in-law is doing the same stuff as me right now.

She is doing morning monitoring and much higher doses of meds and has shots. Things I honestly don't understand right now as not what I'm going through. I did my best to smile and nod and go okay I may learn from this and it could be me eventually.

Argh.... life is never dull and family is the biggest challenge out there.

5 years ago • Post starter

Wow, I can't believe that you both are going through such similar trials at the same time. It's too bad that your perspectives on getting through it are so different. She might have been even more of a comfort to you. But you sound like you are in a great place right now. I think you are very brave and reasonable about your course of action. I've heard that IUI is quite successful for many women. I hope that you are one of them! Please let me know how it goes! I can help distract you when you enter the dreaded TWW!

AFM, I'm in my TWW right now. I'm on day six post ov. I'm not feeling much of anything unusual in my body, so it's hard to get too excited about the possibilities. But I'm feeling more optimistic in general. I read a wonderful memoir called Three Wishes about three women who had decided to use artificial insemination to have a baby on their own. Each one in turn got the sperm and then ended up meeting someone and getting pregnant. It was really a very positive book. And it made me feel like a young 'un to be only in my late thirties!

I'm sending thoughts of relaxation and positive energy to you as you prepare for IUI! Good luck!

5 years ago

Hello Beatricebythesea
So here's the latest. When I went in for the Ultrasound on Thursday - my maturing follicle was only at 17mm and endometrium was only at 5mm... Nurse said things were not where they wanted them and I was to pick up an Ovidrel Shot and we scheduled an IUI for 10am on Monday.

Well my body apparently decided this was not going to happen that way. I felt really weird Friday night.... Hubby had gone out drinking with friends and I was in a mood that would not go away. I was still awake at 3am. Really didn't put much into it... just weirdness.

Saturday we had a wedding to go to - it was a 2.5 hour drive from home and we were meeting my father-in-law for breakfast. So I did my OPK sooner rather than later. It was Positive. I called the doc's office and left a message. The resulting phone call "Okay don't take the scheduled shot and we'll see you at 8am on Sunday."

Well it is now 3:11pm on Sunday. I spent most of the morning grinning like there was no tomorrow. I've been sitting with my feet up playing on the line and trying to get motivated to work on my co-worker's baby afghan. My brain is at peace and while I have a small amount of cramping - perhaps just from teh catheter for the the IUI - I am feeling okay wit things.

Fingers are definitely crossed

As I hope that I am visited by the fairy.

How is your TWW going? If I am thinking right you are on day 10 - how are you doing? and thank you.

I'm now officially on the TWW.. argh... now to not over think that fact.

5 years ago • Post starter

WOW! WOW! WOW! I can't believe everything you have been through this weekend! That's amazing, and I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling peaceful! Now, if only that can last through the TWW!!

Personally, I really am coming to hate the TWW. During the follicular phase, I can track my ovulation and time BD just right. It's the waiting that gets to me in the TWW. I'm at 11dpo, and I feel like I'm out for the month. I got a BFN this morning, and I'm feeling AF cramps coming on. My AF is due Thursday, and I think she'll be right on time. I remember how when you started this post, you commented that you felt crushed when AF came last month. That's how I felt today. Somehow I just know it didn't happen this month. But I did console myself by making a big purchase... I bought one of those Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitors from Amazon. I'm going to try this this coming month. Hopefully, when you get your BFP in ten days, I'll be shortly behind you!

5 years ago

*Hugs* Beatrice it'll work out. That heart sinking feeling when you are so sure AF is coming is the pits. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you for sure.

These last 15 days are still not real. My Mom's B-Day is 7-27 and I know what she's hoping for, but she is even reminding me not to put that kind of pressure on any of this. It is our first attempt and IUI and it is simply a matter of letting nature take her course and her sweet time.

Our friends who found out they are pregnant are hopfully both for the hubbies to have company and for her - she likes the idea of sharing things with me. I like the idea - but at the same time I am afraid to hope if that makes any sense.

Okay I need to work on this afghan.... and please let me know how things continue for you - would love to get send you a fun little afghan one day :-D

5 years ago • Post starter

Aw, your mom sounds like a sweetheart! Actually, my birthday is coming up too! My best estimate right now is that I will be Oing on my birthday, August 1! My honey thinks that is a good luck charm. I'm not sure, but I'd rather be in the positive part of my cycle for my birthday than in the demoralizing part!

What kind of afghan are you making? Do you crochet? My mom is an avid knitter, which is kind of cool because she is blind. She knits the most beautiful things. Im trying to learn, but I'm just not as patient as she is. She will sit and knit as she watches TV or listens to a book. I guess the problem for me is that it is still not automatic, so I have to pay close attention to it. That means no TV watching, or I'll end up with dropped stitches!

I know what you mean about the pressure to time things perfectly with a friend who is also TTC. I have a good friend at work who isTTC. It will be hard if one of us succeeds and the other one doesn't. Hopefully we'll both get our BFP the exact same cycle, though the odds of that are slim.

How's the TWW coming along? Any discomfort from the IUI? Good luck with the afghan!

5 years ago

OMG my mom is a sweetheart but she blew my mind yesterday. Here she has been the voice of reason and reminding me not to get too excited and not to talk to too many people - and She told her Sister (my aunt) who I had to call on a business matter yesterday!!!! And when I called and talked to my mom - she said she had told Dad what was happening so he'd understand any phone calls he might over hear.....

She even asked him if he was ready to be a grandpa - his response "well I have the beard and the belly so I guess so".... ARGH no pressure at all :-D Okay so it isn't pressure it just doesn't seem real that mom is talking about it like this - Has Never happened in the last year and half of trying.

Had 2 days of pressure and mild discomfort after the IUI. Had a small amount of spotting and some heavy CM yesterday. Today - think it is just typical after O tenderness in the BBs and a mild bit of nausea. And that can be explained away between the heat outside and me not liking AC. It is hard to explain though - I just feel different and I think that is just me being crazy!

I am crocheting a big square "Play Blanket" for my co-worker. If I was jsut following the pattern I'd be done - but because I added rainbow colors - I'm making it bigger. Center is Variegated, red, Orange, yellow, Green, Blue, Purple and then another Variegated ring and repeat :-D It's going to be pretty good sized - just over 3 feet square right now.

My mom taught me and I really went nuts in college. Now I have the yarn and love having reasons to use it - but it drives DH nuts.

Alrighty - I have a pile of work calling my name - hopefully I can stay more focused today - Yesterday was rough - tired and scattered.

*Hugs* And thanks for chatting with me.

5 years ago • Post starter

Hi you two - mind if I join you? I was interested in reading about your IUI, BeccaLynn35. I'm starting to think this is my next step if things don't work out naturally (it's been nearly 2 years of ttc). Good luck! I'll be waiting to see if this is it!

And, Beatricebythesea, my AF is due on Thursday too! And I completely feel the same way about the TWW. There's stuff I can do during the rest of my cycle, and I focus on eating well, geting exercise, relaxing (and BDing!) but during the tww I am just a mess. The only good thing about AF coming is that I let myself enjoy some wine - my consolation prize, lol. Come on BFPs on Thursday!

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5 years ago

Welcome aboard Northern - the more the merrier.

I have got to say having ladies to talk to during the TWW is a huge help. And adding in my co-workers who are driving me nuts by acting like 5 years old - "No I don't have to do that" and "You're just being mean" time is going faster than I expected - sort of :-D

I'd be happy to share my expeirience and answer any questions.

From my reading online and what have you I don't know that my IUI process is completely typical. It is exciting to be here though and I am very hopeful that it was the kick in the pants DH and I needed.

5 years ago • Post starter

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