Community post

I hate the not knowing...

I think I might be pregnant again. If so, this will be my third month pregnant. I will most likely miscarry again since a magical sticky baby is not likely to pop up un-helped after three other losses. My husband does not even get happy anymore. He looks at my tests says he sees the line or doesn't, and that is that. If I miscarry, I am to have a d&c... to make sure the pregnancies are making it to the uterus and not tubals since I always miscarry at 5 weeks and I never get far enough for the pregnancy to be seen on ultrasound. My numbers double.. sometimes more so, then all the sudden they just stop like implantation fails. They don't slowly rise as is the case with most tubals, they just end about a week and a half after my period is due. If I am pregnant this time, I am going to ask to be put on progesterone supplements straight away so we can mark that off the list of reasons for my failure. If I miscarry even with the progesterone, I will have the d&c.. I pray I am not having tubals.. If it is shown to be a tubal, I will beg for one more hsg test, try one last time to have a normal pregnancy and if that fails I will do IVF sometime next year.
I have my plan. I am going to make it known to my fertility doctor what I want to happen and see if I can get him to agree.
My period is due Monday. I have had hcg in my body these last two cycles so I have had very very light pregnancy tests the whole month. I believe they are getting darker and the lines come up in the allotted time. I might be just wishful thinking, but I will see on Monday when/if my period shows..
I have lower pregnancy cramps today and backache. I hope I don't see my period on Monday so I can get my infertility issues checked and maybe find the cause after almost 2 years and plenty enough losses.. I am not looking forward to another loss, but I am looking forward to getting to the bottom of this, even if it means I find I am having tubal pregnancies, at least I will know where I stand.
I also am not telling anyone I know about anymore pregnancies. I even considered not telling my husband so he could stop being disappointed. I will only tell anyone when I am able to hear a heartbeat.
God, please let me get to that point someday...

1 Comment • 10 years ago

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