Community post

One more loss

I found out today that my numbers are decreasing again. I am going to have another miscarriage and there is nothing I can do. I spent the morning sobbing out the despair in my broken heart. My husband is gone until midnight tonight and I have no friends or family that care enough for me to waste my time telling them of my struggle....so I write, to strangers who will understand way more than my mother who did not think I should have anymore kids anyway, or to a sister that has 6 kids and has never known the desire to have kids and not be able to.

This is heartbreaking and at the same time it fills me with such a strong desire to succeed. I don't know why I can not hold a child once I get pregnant, but I am starting to get furious at the idea that I keep failing. I truly think that if the doctor had've given me progesterone last week like I asked him to, this would not be happening now.
I have to carry around a dying pregnancy until I abort it on my own. That thought tears me up. I feel useless. I have disappointed my husband. He would tell me everyday to tell our Baby that he loved it.. Now I had to tell him that I am pathetic and lost another of our children. I want to get this fixed. I don't think I can bear this again. I am almost at the point that I don't want to try anymore. It has taken me 17 months and 2 losses within 6 months. Both around 4.5 weeks.

I have to go back to the ob clinic until I follow the numbers down. They are a hundred or so right now.. I suppose within a week or two I will be miscarrying my second pregnancy. I am so broken-hearted.

3 Comments • 10 years ago

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