Community post
My TTC journey is over for now *long overdue update*
Hi dear ladies- First of all, thanks for those of you who have posted on my page during the past few months. I appreciate your good thoughts and prayers immensely and have been thinking of you too. Secondly, I apologize for completely disappearing, but I really felt like I had to for awhile. Here's what happened:
On October 1, I ended my year and a half-long relationship with DH. Our last visit in August was strained, and I was crying almost every day, watching him not taking care of himself and not trying to work on finding a job. Everything felt like a dead end when I've been busting my ass at work--both in school, in tutoring, in playing the organ on Sundays, and in eating well and really doing all I thought I could to prep myself for a healthy pregnancy. I didn't even tell him about the last chemical pregnancy. I think the last straw for me was when he kept saying things like "well, you'd be better off without me," "if I don't get a job I'll just make it easy on everyone and turn the car on in the garage." He was on medication for depression and other things but hadn't been taking it and refused to take the steps to apply for low-income mental health care. I couldn't be pulled down any longer by someone who needed help that I couldn't give him and who refused to help himself.
Long distance did a number on us, but also he confessed that he really didn't feel ready for a baby with his financial situation the way it was. I honestly didn't know how bad it was. Supposedly, he was going to get a deal in September as a video editor for a new tv show, and we were both confident he would get it. That didn't happen. In our conversations, he has told me he's taking his medicine and vitamins and saw a therapist. I don't know how much I believe it, and for me it's too little too late. Plus, I want to stay where I am in Chicago. I'm happy here with my work and friends.
I just turned 30 2 weeks ago, so of course my baby fever is through the roof. But I am just trying to trust that in time and with the right person, it will happen. Hopefully sooner than I think. I haven't had the heart to take down my profile, though, since TTC has been such a big part of the last year, and I do want to be able to check in and see how my friends are doing. I'm ready to do that now.
Anyway, thank-you Mozart, gemmalou, Tracy, Sandy. Hannah, Emily, Renae, Lou, and so many other ladies here who have been so supportive. I'm hoping you all get your blessings soon, and congrats to those who've gotten their bfps in the past few months.
23 Comments • 8 years ago
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Oh Meri, my heart goes out to you? I am so sorry to hear about this but believe that you have done the best thing possible for yourself and probably for him too. I hope he gets the medical help he needs. You have so much courage, I know that 2016 will be happier for you. Give Hope a huge hug xxxx
I will miss you on here, don't be a stranger and please don't delete your profile or we'll all lose all you lovely comments! :)
I'm on FB too if you want to stay in touch xxx
8 years ago
I was wondering how you were doing. My heart is heavy for you, but having walked through the divorce straight from hell, I can assure you that God can turn it all around for you. I will continue to pray for you and I hope that you keep your profile so that you can update us as things get better.
James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
8 years ago
Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're amazingly strong and you'll get through this. My situation is no where near yours, but if you need to talk I'm always available to listen and help if I can. It's a tough process and sometimes it helps just having someone who understands what it's like. I keep my profile because y'all are some of my dearest friends and we've been through alot together TTC. Even though we aren't TTC anymore, keep your profile. I want to know how you're doing. Massive hugs and love, girlie. <3<3
8 years ago
Your stories about your interactions were sad to read and so is this. I'm behind you in the decision because I could tell that you two weren't in the same place. Regardless, I'm sorry that your relationship has ended and sending you big hugs. Also, 30 isn't that old, so don't think about that. Keep focusing on being the awesome person that you are!
8 years ago
Thanks for keeping us in the loop. This post must have been tough to write. I hope you find joy in your future and that your ex takes time to get help. I'm sure it hurts to see him that way. Relationships are hard enough without depression and conflicting goals. My DH and I have had our depressive times. Early in our relationship he was really badly depressed, even during my first pregnancy. Fortunately we're both good at reconnecting with each other. I don't know if I could be as brave as you had he continued those spirals. May you find a new soul mate that wants kids, shares your goals, takes care of himself, and most of all takes care of you.
8 years ago
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