Community post
My TTC journey is over for now *long overdue update*
Hi dear ladies- First of all, thanks for those of you who have posted on my page during the past few months. I appreciate your good thoughts and prayers immensely and have been thinking of you too. Secondly, I apologize for completely disappearing, but I really felt like I had to for awhile. Here's what happened:
On October 1, I ended my year and a half-long relationship with DH. Our last visit in August was strained, and I was crying almost every day, watching him not taking care of himself and not trying to work on finding a job. Everything felt like a dead end when I've been busting my ass at work--both in school, in tutoring, in playing the organ on Sundays, and in eating well and really doing all I thought I could to prep myself for a healthy pregnancy. I didn't even tell him about the last chemical pregnancy. I think the last straw for me was when he kept saying things like "well, you'd be better off without me," "if I don't get a job I'll just make it easy on everyone and turn the car on in the garage." He was on medication for depression and other things but hadn't been taking it and refused to take the steps to apply for low-income mental health care. I couldn't be pulled down any longer by someone who needed help that I couldn't give him and who refused to help himself.
Long distance did a number on us, but also he confessed that he really didn't feel ready for a baby with his financial situation the way it was. I honestly didn't know how bad it was. Supposedly, he was going to get a deal in September as a video editor for a new tv show, and we were both confident he would get it. That didn't happen. In our conversations, he has told me he's taking his medicine and vitamins and saw a therapist. I don't know how much I believe it, and for me it's too little too late. Plus, I want to stay where I am in Chicago. I'm happy here with my work and friends.
I just turned 30 2 weeks ago, so of course my baby fever is through the roof. But I am just trying to trust that in time and with the right person, it will happen. Hopefully sooner than I think. I haven't had the heart to take down my profile, though, since TTC has been such a big part of the last year, and I do want to be able to check in and see how my friends are doing. I'm ready to do that now.
Anyway, thank-you Mozart, gemmalou, Tracy, Sandy. Hannah, Emily, Renae, Lou, and so many other ladies here who have been so supportive. I'm hoping you all get your blessings soon, and congrats to those who've gotten their bfps in the past few months.
23 Comments • 8 years ago
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Sonata, so good to hear from you :) I was hoping for things to move into the right direction......I am sorry that this is not the case.
I am praying that good and positive things will happen for you in 2016. The world is full of adventures, wonderful people, and opportunities :)
My very best to you! Much love <3
8 years ago
Omg, I had no idea things were that bad between the two of u. I am so sorry u have to go through all this but it sounds like uve made the best decision for urself, which is always most important. I'll be sad to see u go but totally understand ur reasoning and do hope u pop in to visit when ur up to it.
I wish u all the best in the future, continue to stay positive and move forward...things will fall in to place in time.
Chin up! Hit me with a pm if u wanna fb. Take care! =))
8 years ago
I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. So sorry to hear about you and your DH but glad you are strong enough to do what is best for you. That's not always easy to do. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. I know the right person will come along for you and everything will fall into place! *hugs*
8 years ago
I am so sorry too hear this :( I had been thinking about you every time I log on here and wondered what how you are?
I am so sorry that things didn't work out in your marriage but you are a strong woman for walking away and I am sure in time there will be someone special in your future.;) wishing you the best of luck in the rest of your life and plz don't be a stranger xx
6 Yrs TTC
MC last at 6weeks 
Ectopic at 6-7 weeks 
8 years ago
When you know it's over, it's over. I have depression and have been medicated for 15 years. Let me tell you, there is nothing you can do unless he helps himself. You can't let him drag you down into his spiral - we depressives love to be miserable while we are in a "down" time. We also get a sick satisfaction out of pulling those we love down with us. I'm just telling you the ugly truth. It's part of the sickness of depression and there are times I hate myself because of it. You did the right thing. I am sending lot's of loving energy your way. I wish you every happiness for the new year. You are lovely and deserving of it!
8 years ago
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