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Journal

Just rambling, random thoughts....

Just bored, so just sharing some random thoughts...

My breasts are still hurting today for some reason... they seem more tender than before, I can't lean on anything without them protesting. Nausea seems to have let up, though, and I have some energy back. Still bleeding heavily, but that's normal for me.

So, wondering if maybe I should take a break from TTC this cycle, just to make sure my cycles are back on track after the early miscarriage (from April 6th). Maybe that is why I am having strange symptoms (tender breasts) and getting faint positives on hpts.... I don't think we will NOT try, but just a thought. We won't get preggo right away again anyway, so it probably won't even happen this cycle. But I am praying and hoping to conceive in either June or July, so I am going to buy OPKs this month to help me predict my ovulation date, then going to get some Preseed for June and July to really increase our chances. I just want to be pregnant again already, and carry full term and have a happy, healthy baby!!!!

Went to sister-in-laws babyshower over the weekend (May 4th) and actually it wasn't too bad for me. I thought I would break down and be depressed, but it actually wasn't that bad. I had my jealous moments, but I really like my sister in law, so I can't be mad at her for being pregnant.... I am happy for her, that something so terrible didn't happen to her, I really am. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone, not even my worse enemy! I still ask life "why" every now and then and wonder about the "what ifs". Why did I have to lose MY son and what if I didn't, what would it be like to be taking care of my son right now? But I am not depressed about it anymore. My fiance is such a huge help, he makes me so happy. He is always making me laugh and I am so very lucky to have him in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I will be forever grateful!!