Community post

Journal

RockerMama

"It's time for my favooorriiittteee game....

... Nothing, shadow, indent, evap, my wishful imagination, or that ever elusive second line?! The prize this cycle for a right answer depends on the answer it's self. You can win disappointment with a negative or the eventual acceptance of having line eye, excitement followed by extreme disappointment with an evap, shadow, or indent, or the amazing and emotional thrill that comes with a very clear second line! Let's start the game. One, two, peeeeeee!"

I am always slightly envious of the women that are so nonchalant about TTC. The ones that can stay calm, don't test til well after their period is due, and are typically the ones pregnant in a month or two. I have a total stick habit. I am going to try this next cycle not to test so much. It is tough with my PCOS. I could have three or four cycles of around the same length. Then, BAM, here comes 70 days. Or 90. I can't even explain what a tease that is when I am TTC.

In my excitement to be TTC again, I gave myself this month to be nutso. To think about all the excitement, to test early, to just enjoy. I am 13 DPO, so I am thinking I am out this month with a negative this AM. That negative got me thinking about today's entry.

We all know it. A line, even a light line, is a positive. As long as it is a line you can see without manipulating the test. I know it. I am sure most of us know it. That doesn't, however, stop me from staring and searching the test. Or using the tools on this site. Or standing on one like, with the lighting just right, at an 80 degree angle, with one eye closed, and the other squinting, wearing a hockey mask.

When I was TTC with Bubby, it took two years to see that elusive second line. In between, try as I might, I could never make that second line appear. This go around? I see that second line often. But it isn't pink. It is that white/gray indent line, already on the test. What was the company thinking with that?! How mean is it? I would say, most of the time, women taking a test either really want or really don't want to see that line. So it is just mean all around. I hate that line. You swear you see something. You don't have to squint quite so much, stand on your head, or twist and turn the test. But it still isn't a REAL line. Just enough to tease you. Which makes me what to punch that company in the junk.