Community post

Morning all you wonderful ladies! This may be a little winded, for that I apologize ahead of time. So if you aren't in the reading mood or already bored, no hurt feelings if you move on :)

As some of you may remember, this was our first run at this interesting process they refer to as IVF. As much as one can read up on this and try to understand how it all works, nothing prepares you for the reality of it. Physically and emotionally! Now, physically it wasn't that it was an overwhelming issue of pain and discomfort. Yes, the retrieval process may have made me feel like piranhas were placed inside my body for a family reunion, but it was only for a day or so then they seemed to have run out of body parts to gnaw on and left. Leaving me looking like I was about 5-6 months pregnant, but at least they were now kind enough to party elsewhere.

My husband, twin sister and I were the only ones outside of the Drs who knew what we were doing. So hiding a 'pregnant' belly after that process and passing on drinks (when normally I'm happy to indulge) wasn't always the easiest to do!

The term Emotional Rollar Coaster seems to fit this journey quite well! Who needs an amusement park when you have hormones, right?! My poor DH...how in the world is he not a full-blown alcoholic yet?? But, he still loves me with all his heart, and quite honestly, probably more!

Moving on to today, we definitely got a BFN. Stark freaking white. I thought I would be more devastated this morning seeing that on Father's Day. Especially since this is what I had planned on 'giving' him as gift and didn't plan anything else. I mean, what could top a baby!? But, knowing my body as well as I do, I've known for days that it didn't take. I just didn't want to admit 'failure'. I think that is why I'm actually ok and not a snotty blubbering mess today.

Now, as I reflect back on these past weeks, I don't consider it as failure. Not on me, not on him. It wasn't our time. Could it be God telling us not to be greedy? We have children, we just wanted more. I doubt that God would let us go through the process, be approved and work on financing, getting insurance to pay, etc..if He was against it from the start. Could it be my age? All of 38. Maybe. But, I also know that In life, some things just happen.

With all that said, I'll go for the blood test tomorrow to officially close out this cycle. Plus, maybe I can start questioning if they will let us start cycle 2 immediately and focus my POSITIVE energy towards that. :)

Thank you for letting me get this out and I can't wait to hear how everyone is progressing! TTC, I'm pulling for you today girlie!!

Babypath- I'm so sorry this cycle did not work out for you. I also got a BFN. I pray we get out BFP's soon! It sounds like you are taking it better than I am. As I close in an my birthday (I turn 40 in September) I lose more faith. We started TTC when I was 38. Also, I have to take a day off work In order to travel for IUI and I'm almost out of vacation days. This sux

BabyPath - so sorry about BFN. A lot of people do not realize how difficult IVF is - for me it is more mentally hard then it is physically hard. Keeping a secret just sucks but I also understand that.
I must say the first IVF cycle was harder on me then this one is. I am a control freak and not really knowing how the IVF will go and how my body will react was just hard to take. I am glad you are not giving up - second time will be easier. I started an acupuncture at the end of April and I must say it helped me with the emotional side of the IVF. For those who are doing IVF I would absolutely recommend acupuncture. Now I don't know if it will help at the end with me getting that BFP but at least it helped with the IVF#2 journey.
TTC - Also so sorry about your BFN. What is the next step for you? Another IUI or are you thinking about IVF?

Thanks Basia- probably another IUI. I will need to call the RE tomorrow to find out. But ivf is not an option for us. It's just too expensive. We pay out of pocket

I wish all insurances would cover fertility treatments 100%. It is a medical condition so I don't get why not?

I agree Basia. Maybe someday they will be

TTC - I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope your RE has something in mind for you to achieve success next time!

Ttclate and babypath i am so sorry for the bfns. I am not in a great mood eather! I think weekends really stress me as i have time to have black thoughts.... In the next couple of days i will have the biopsy' s results and cant be optimistic. I really try but i cant.
But.... I really wish to hear for bfps here... This will cheer me up!

Hi girls...

My heart brakes for all of you who have had disappointing news this month.

Baby--I can't imagine what you've been through with IVF specifically--it sounds so difficult. But I DO know the emotional roller coaster all too well. I hope you're able to have a chat with your RE and plan next steps. I was encouraged to hear recently that FET has better results for many women (and less chance of any fetal anomaly). I don't think sometimes we know why we're in the situations we're in. It's not until much later (sometimes) that we gain clarity on what the purpose of the challenge was.

TTC - I'm so very sorry about your negative. I can understand the struggle with IVF as it relates to cost. It's very unfortunate there isn't more funding/support available. Was this IUI with injectables? (Sorry I've forgotten)

Basia - very exciting that you've triggered and tomorrow morning is the day! Praying for lots of little eggies :)

I've started setting a 'reminder' on my phone every evening to ensure I pray for each of you by name (or by internet alias anyway :)

C.

Hi Ladies,

CateMat - That is a lovely thought. I really appreciate the prayers. This process is a lot harder than I had ever thought it would be and I thank you for your thoughts.

kethryes - I can only imagine how difficult of a time this is for you. I'm sorry you're struggling to keep your optimism. To be honest I've been having trouble with it too and my situation isn't nearly as stressful. I have been keeping you in my thoughts and trying to send my positive thoughts to you. I truly hope that when your results come in they are good news and you will be able to move forward with IVF.

TTC - We're trying another IUI as well. Even though part of our IVF would be covered it's still costly enough that I'm not sure if my DH and I would be able to move forward with it. I really hope that one day it is a medical procedure that's fully covered.

Basia - Good luck tomorrow. I'm so excited for your retrieval tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes. I'm wishing you lots of healthy eggs.
I'm so looking forward to this trip. I don't know how we're going to manage to get our BDing in as my entire family, except my unpleasant sister and her family, are going to be there. I need to relax a bit and I hope this will allow me to do it.

BabyPath - I'm so sorry about the BFN. I hear you on the emotional roller coaster. I'm surprised my DH is as supportive of my mood swings as he has been. I'm glad your DH is equally, if not more, supportive. It's a great feeling to have that support in your corner during all of this. I truly hope your second cycle goes well and leave you with a beautiful healthy baby.

AFM - CD 7. I'm just going to try the SMEP this month and I really hope that my O day doesn't fall on the day we're supposed to travel. I've kinda felt like I've been in a funk. my mood hasn't been as upbeat and I'm crying regularly. I'm hoping by backing off for a month and enjoying my vacation I can get myself back to a positive state of mind. I know there is a reason why I'm going through this trial right now, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm strong enough for it. I don't really have any other option though so we just keep moving forward. Sometimes I think it's all about taking one step at a time and not looking much further forward than that.