Community post

Guilty.

I have absolutely no emotion towards this cycle. Which isn't normal for me. I've been fighting the battle of TTC & dealing fertility issues for 6 years.. 54 cycles (give or take). I know it isn't as long as others. This is just my personal experience. Each cycle brought about emotions of joy, hope, despair, sadness, grief, doubt, relief.. & many other countless emotions. This cycle I feel nothing. Zilch, nada, zip, zero. NOTHING. I dunno if it's because I really feel as though DH & I missed our ovulation window or if I'm just tired of getting my hopes up month after month just to get let down and go through a personal bout of depression. I've symptom checked in the past but I felt as tho everything I felt I'd run to google and be lead to believe I was pregnant when I wasn't. (The Internet can be so cruel) so I stopped for a while. Well this cycle I'm keeping track of every symptom hoping I can use it to compare to other cycles in the future. Also this will give me a better idea of how my body operates. With that in mind I go through this cycle not as crazily reading into what I'm feeling. I feel a bit guilty about not getting my hopes up about the possibility of pregnancy this go round. Lord knows there's nothing that I'd love more than to be pregnant but I just feel out and getting my hopes up would break my heart. I appreciate anyone and everyone rooting for me this cycle. It really means a lot. I'm looking forward to trying out temping next cycle, monitoring CM, & doing more to TTC. I won't be using clomid as I've used my last prescription this cycle. The only thing I tried differently this cycle is taking clomid cd 3-7 instead of cd 5-9. I figured it couldn't hurt since my last 5 attempts on clomid yeilded negative results. Guess we shall see and if I'm not then I've vowed not to be disappointed as I look forward to the start of a more promising cycle

2 Comments • 8 years ago

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