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What nobody told you about trying to conceive...

I saw this post on another site months ago and I saved it. All those thoughts are collected from several ladies who are ttc and each sentence touched me so much and made me feel less crazy about my thoughts while in this journey so I decided to share it with you all in the hope that will make you feel less alone as it did with me.
You are very welcome if you like to add your thoughts...

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...

That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
That the longer you Trying to conceive , the more Pregnant women spring up around you.
That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.
That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
That miscarriage is so common.
That I would wish we had started Trying to conceive earlier.
That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.
That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
Tat women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!
That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance
That having period show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.
That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart a pregnancy test in the hopes there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.
That one day all of this will make us stronger.
That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.
That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.
That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pgcys, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pgcys.
That I am so glad my nephews was born when they did, early in our ttc, because if they were born now I don't think I could deal with it.
That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).
That some people just say the wrong things.
That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."
That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (My man, family, friends, cats, fun, etc)!
That I would become addicted to Pregnancy tests and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to Test in the morning!
That I would be so sad, and ashamed.
That when Period showed up you would feel broken and disfunctional.
That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.
That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.
That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.
That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.
That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.
That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 20 months TTC...)
That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would enfuriate me beyond belief.
That my friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 before we get pregnant with #1.
That I wouldn't be able to attend my friend's babies 1st birthday parties because of the quesiton, "So, when are ya'll going to have children."
That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."
That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.
That it puts this much strain on a marriage.
That a friend would hid and ignore her own pregnancy to try to keep me from being upset. (we found out when she gave birth)
That sex does NOT ALWAY equal pregnancy or STD every time
That your body has its own mind.
That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone.
That you would cry your eyeballs out because period showed.
That you would be jealous when everyone around you get pg including your 16yo cousin.
That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.
Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.
That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.
That all of a sudden nursing other people's babies becomes a depressing NOT joyful feeling
That you feel useless as a female
That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children
That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right about of the required "hormones" or doing what it should now how to do.
That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".
That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.


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31 Replies • 2 years ago • Edited


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I'm so sorry for your pain. I feel it too. I hope you feel better knowing that you are not alone. I know that helps me and especially having the site to chat with you ladies. I haven't told anyone in my real life that we are trying and i can see by reading your post that you understand why. It's nice to be able to read other peoples' stories like yours to know i'm not alone. Praying for you.

2 years ago


Thank you for this. It resonates so much with me.


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2 years ago • Edited


@lissa & @milverby It’s nice to know that we have a “safe place” where other ppl dealing with the same problems. It’s nice not to feel alone.. This journey is a tough one!


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2 years ago • Post starter


@Alexplpl it really is a tough journey. I've never felt sad about not having conceived just yet but recently it has hit me so hard. My cousins and friends all pretty much got pregnant straight away without even trying and I never realised it affected me until my urge to be a mother just grew substantially. I am very happy for them though.

Also, before this thread it never hit me how much my life revolves around the two week wait! Even when I'm telling myself not to symptom spot, I really know I am. It's emotionally so draining but really is comforting that people out there feel what you feel ??.


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2 years ago


@Milverby No one in real life can understand how we feel unfortunately and I’m not wishing this to anyone! At least in here I know I can talk about all my crazy thoughts without people judging me or blaming me for overthinking (even if I am) because we are all on the same boat!
Hopefully we have good news soon...


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2 years ago • Post starter


@Alexplpl you're so very right! I feel so much more at ease knowing that we're not the only ones.

Hopefully we do! I have app with my gyno today to discuss options for conceiving. I've had Endometriosis since I was 18 and its the reason we're struggling. How long has your journey been?


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2 years ago


@Milverby I hope your doctor gives you a good guidance and you’ll be a mommy soon!
We are trying for 8 years. Not ttc though with bbt measurements, cm, opks and all that jazz. Till last year I believed that it will come naturally and as the years was passing with no luck I was too afraid to check my fertility. I didn’t want to hear any bad news. I checked my self a year ago. Luckily my problem is I have one tube blocked which is not the end of the world.. hopefully I’ll get good news soon. We’re actively (apps,opks,supplements,bbt.etc) trying for 8 cycles now... No luck yet...


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2 years ago • Post starter


@Alexplpl mega fingers crossed you get your baby soon!!! Awww I can completely understand how scary it is to go get yourself checked. I've read so many stories where women have conceived with only one tube and soon it will be you Never give up hope, your post in itself gave me a new sense of relief and hope so thank you


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2 years ago • Edited


@Alex a dear friend of mine was TTC for three years until she got checked and found a tube blocked. They fixed it and she was pregnant the next month!!! As for me, we've only been trying for a few months after having my IUD removed. Dh has two grown children and but I have none. We are old (dh 53 and I'm almost 41). My cycles were normal after IUD until this month and I seem to be having an anovulatory cycle. I'm on cd24 and haven't O'd yet. My best friend at work is 24 weeks. I was the first person she told and also the only person who knew about her MC that she had earlier this year. I'm her support system and she has no idea every day I look at her and feel like my heart is being ripped out. I haven't told her we are TTC. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm afraid if we are unsuccessful I will be ashamed and feel like a failure. This forum helps so much.

2 years ago


I needed this today, thank you. It can be a real lonely place battling with these feelings and worries in your own head but there is solace is knowing I'm not alone.
X

2 years ago


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