Confessions and Frustrations of ttc Women
Hi to all of you ladies who are experiencing struggles and frustrations during this ttc journey.
This thread is a spin-off of past threads by Pookerdooks and Expecting2Expect, which acted as a safe haven to vent, share, complain, and confess the negative feelings we all have at dark moments during this ttc journey. I found the treads in the past were (for me) very helpful in getting out a lot of anger and negative feelings that had built up over the course of my ttc journey. I hope that I can find others like me who need a place to vent and confess those negative thoughts we have instead of carrying them around with us.
I must insist however that no one judges anyone elses' posts. If you don't agree with a complaint or a vent. Keep it to yourself. This is a safe haven and a No-Judging-Allowed-Zone. Feel free to vent your negativity here and get the negative energy out. If your feeling guilty for your negative thoughts then feel free to confess them with ttc women who understand.
Starting things off . . . . I'm Becca, 29 and am approaching my 1 year mark of ttc #1.
Confession #1 - I immediately feel angry and jealous when I see women at the store with baby bumps. I cant help it and then I feel sorry for myself that I don't have one.
Confession #2 - I am so frustrated with women who I've talked to that get pregnant and then say, "Oh it will happen for you, after all it happened for me." I know they mean well, but I don't want to hear it. I think, "Its easy for you to say since you already are pregnant!
Confession #3 - I feel angry when people tell me its all about God's timing. I believe in God, but I don't want people saying this to me, it is extremely hurtful! Your saying God has chosen to keep me from getting pregnant until its the right time? What time will that be? I'm 29, do I need to be 40 for it to be the "right time"?
WELCOME to all ttc women regardless of how long you have been ttc or what you have to vent about. . . . . .
44 Replies • 5 years ago
Krunchie - I get that too, I'm 24 and people (including doctors) have told me 'you're young, it'll happen eventually you've got plenty of time' ... yeah been TTC 3yrs 4 months jackasses lol
ANOTHER one I'm sick of hearing 'Stop trying' - ummm what? haha how's that going to work?
I think I'll take up drinking, smoking and casual sex with men I barely know, quit my folic acid and not bother to note when my periods are... seems to work for everyone else I know that's fallen pregnant in the last few years. (joking of course but how come I do the right things and it doesn't happn?)
5 years ago
i'm glad you started this forum, ttc comes with alot of frustration, i think one that bothers me the most, tho I feel guilty about it, but the women that join this site their first month of ttc and bam! they get pregnant the first try...lol...I am happy for them of course, but as someone who has been ttc for over a year, it makes it hard. i wish ttc was easy for everyone, I wish we all had a 28 day cycle. and O'ed on day 14 every time, i wish we didnt have to chart and use opks, and we all got out bfps on 8dpo! lol, good luck to everyone and baby dust :))
5 years ago
also wanted to add, it kills me that 4 of my facebook friends are pregnant right now, and seeing them talk about ultrasounds and due dates just kills me, i feel guilty I cant even comment and tell them congrats or anything, nobody really knows we are ttc, i felt it would put more pressure on us, so it feels like a lonley journey, even tho i have met some awesome ladies on this site, it's hard not to be able to call up a friend or even my mother, not giving up tho, i am hopeful
5 years ago
Krunchie - I get the "God this and God that" comments all of the time and it just really hurts. Totally agree with the "your still young . . . . " I have been hearing that one since I got married about 6 years ago and it gets old.
Elle - So true! I don't care what age you are, when you have been ttc for a long time and nothing has happened panic sets in no matter how old you are! Hate that comment . . . "just stop ttc, go on vacation, you just need to relax, get off of that website ctp, stop obsessing," ahhhh! seriously I have been relaxed at some point in the last 12 months.
Luv your comment about having casual sex, no prenatal vitamins and being totally irresponsible. lol So freakin true!!!!
Shannon - Holy Crap, you are so right about women coming on here and getting preggo their first or 2nd month. ugh Not that I want everyone to struggle, but it sucks to be on this end. I have so many sentiments on my page of women who have gotten pregnant and moved on and its is super depressing.
I hear you on the facebook stuff. . . "OMG I'm Pregnant" . . . Then another friend responds "OMG So Am I" That when I get off facebook as fast as I can and have a crying spell. It is a lonely place to be when no one else understands what you are going through. Shannon you are def not alone in this struggle.
My Confession - A few months ago I was told by a friend that maybe I wasn't getting pregnant because God didn't think that I could handle it and didn't want me to end up like one of those crazy ladies who kills their kids during their postnatal depression. The context of this comment was I was super depressed that I wasn't pregnant yet and was crying/venting to her and she responded with that. Seriously, it hurts so much that it came from someone I thought was a friend. Then she says after awhile, "I'm not saying its your fault that your not pregnant." Like Hell your not!!! She has a 2yr old and a 6 month old. What a joke!!!! Needless to say I haven't been as a good of friends with her since. I swear some people have no freakin sense at all!!!! Wouldn't it occur to her that was the most heartless thing she could have possibly said to me when I was clearly in a really bad place. Ahhhhhh Stupid Stupid Stupid people. I guess I need to let it go, but its hard.
5 years ago • Post starter
wow Raven...thats horrible what your "friend" had said to you, I think that has to be one of the worst I have ever heard, I think sometimes, women who havnt had a problem getting pregnant, just dont know what to say to others that struggle, and so they dont understand how such comments can hurt us, (not saying what she said was ok by any means!) I am so glad to have this site tho, yes some things bother me about it lol, but its so wonderful to have others to talk to that know what I am going through, oh and I thought of another confession, guess I'm full of them LoL, but I hate how some people will say "well you already have 1 child, you should just be happy with what you have" of course I am over the moon for my ds, and I dont think I am being greedy by wanting to add 1 more, my son is desperate to have a little sibling to play with, this is not the only reason we are ttc of course, I always wanted at least 2 children, I hate it has taking this long ttc, I always wanted mine to be somwhat closer in age. baby dust to all :)
5 years ago
Shannon - Yeah, I think my friend wouldn't have said it if she had any idea how badly it was going to hurt me and stick with me. Your right, friends just don't know what to say and so they say stupid things. Unfortunately it is extremely destructive to our feelings when we are struggling so much.
I luv this website. I really do find all the support from other women in my exact same position very comforting. Also talking out my feelings with others like me is very therapeutic.
Sorry about the slap in the face comment you get about "just be glad you have one." I would be offended by that in 2 ways. So your saying I'm not grateful for what I have and 2nd your saying I'm greedy. Both of which are total bull crap. If you have been pregnant and have experienced being in that blissful place of holding your newborn little baby then you know exactly what you had and you want to experience it again. I can see where that would be extremely painful, especially if you had tried for a long time and couldn't get pregnant
again. When it comes to ttc and struggling everyone needs support.
If someone says that to you that has struggled with infertility for a year or several years, I wouldn't take it personally as I know their hurt inside is speaking. It is super scary to struggle getting pregnant with your 1st baby cuz you have this horrible fear that maybe you will never become a mother and that is a really scary place to be.
That being said I think telling someone to just be grateful they have one baby is totally rude and uncaring. I want more than one baby and I would love to eventually have both a boy and a girl. I don't think that makes me a horrible person! By the way Shannon, I saw the picture of your little boy (on your page) when he was a baby and I don't blame you at all for wanting another baby. What a CUTIE PIE!!!!
5 years ago • Post starter
lol thanks raven, he is a little "ham" and the joy of my life, i do feel for the women that dont have a child yet, but i do know what a wonderful adventure they are in for when they get their bfps! :) i appreciate your understanding and words of encouragement, it always makes me feel better to know someone else knows what im going through (not that im glad others are struggling) lol, its just nice to relate to others, hope you get your bfp soon! :)
5 years ago
Shannon thanks to you too, girl. Hope we all get that bfp sooner rather then later.
I need to vent, so im close to my one year mark and it really is time to make an apointment at a fertility clinic, but im having a difficult time coming to termsith the reality of my situation. I never thought this was going to happen to me. I keep thinking its going to happen and it never does. Everytime I seriously think about making that call to the clinic I just want to cry. I seriously feel like a failure, like im damaged cuz my body is apparently broken. I worry if its my fault cuz I dont exercise everyday or I dont eat enough vegetables. I just want what so many other women have. I feel like people look at me as a defective woman and pity me or judge me as being undeserving of a baby.
I have to accept reality at some point and make that call, but im seriously going to bawl my eyes out after I get off the phone.
5 years ago • Post starter
oh hun, you are def NOT damaged, or a failure by any means, i know it is hard to ask for help, but at least you have the option to do so, (not trying to say one of those "wrong things" we mentioned earlier) but some women, cant even turn to the doc for help, for the lack of insurance coverage, or what ever reason, instead of looking at it like a bad thing, try to think that making the call could make this happen for you, what if the reason you havnt got pregnant yet is something so simple and minor, a quick fix and then you get your bfp! i know its hard, but to me, it doesnt matter who i have to call or what i need to do, if it gets you your little bean thats all that matters :) i dont want you to think i dont think your feelings are valid, because your concerns and feelings are very valid, i just want you to know it will be worth it, its ok to need help sometimes! :)) your in my prayers
5 years ago