Community post

Expecting, sorry...that's really not at all how I read Aisha or the responses that followed. I read that we might actually be able to be happy for her b/c she didn't make it known she was pregnant (as opposed to all of those that have gone before her and shared their news that we couldn't be truly happy for). IOW, we are applauding her for not 'announcing' her news. I just caution all of you on this path...having been on it myself and in it's darkness (and light) for MANY MANY YEARS now, you may need to think about the shoe being on the other foot too, just as you wish pregnant gals might consider your plight too. And finally, when (and I do mean WHEN) you get your babies....you won't have ANY guilt of your own for wanting to share your news and maybe actually HELP another gal who's on the dark path of struggling with TTC.

stay dusty!

i just came across the same thing ladies. my client felt kinda funny about telling me that she was due in june due to the fact that she knows i have been trying for well over a yr now. and you know what it was really nice to hear that she wanted to proceed with caution on telling me as that shows me she is a truly caring person who has empathy for others.. i absolutley will shout from the roof tops if i get pg though not till 3 months but i will also competley understand if i have a friend or client who is dealing with the same issues as i have,and will tread very lightly when i announce it to them as I REALLY know what they are struggling with and I WILL MOST DEFINATLEY TELL THEM ABOUT THIS SITE,as this is a place where i feel safe and comforted by many a FRIEND who are in my boat. its really nice to have that support when no one else gets it...

I have felt all of these feelings too. I feel like a failure as a woman because I can't ovulate. These are my confessions.
~When I hear someone say that children are a blessing I wonder why God hasn't blessed me.
~I went to the funeral of someone that My husband worked with and that i didn't even know so that I had an excuse to not go to a baby shower.
~I worry that gaining weight might have done this to me, and I hate myself for it. I try to lose weight now and it just isn't working due to the depression I have been experiencing.
~I am bitterly jealous of my brother and his wife. They just found out that they are having a boy. I started TTC 2 months before them.
~I am angry that my insurance company puts infertility treatments into the same category as a tummy tuck and won't cover any of it.
~I cannot imagine a future in which I wouldn't have a child. That future wouldn't be worth living to me.
~I try to hide my tears from my husband so that I don't make him as miserable as I feel.

I had a much longer reply written out, but I deleted it...

(PMS warning!!)

This is a page for us to vent about our fertility issues and to to share any frustrations we have. This is meant to be a negative thread where we dont have to be upbeat and chipper all the time. No one on here needs to justify what they've written or defend themselves. We feel how we feel.

I do not personally think anyone should have to hide their pregnancy to spare my feelings, but I do know I will tread lightly when telling people because of what I have been through. But we are all entitled to feel how we do, and this is a place to vent so if you dont like what we have to say, stop reading.

I am sorry if that sounded rude or anything, (I am a little pms-y) but I really dont like someone coming in and saying things about my friends. This is supposed to be a safe place for all of us to vent, end of story. We do not mean any disrespect to anyone, we simply cant help what we feel and need an outlet.

Anyway... welcome rachelm1229 I can honestly say I have felt all the things or at least similar to what you posted! Welcome to the group!!

Awwww...not rude at allll!! Seriously, I do get it all. Every last BIT of it. Like I said, 3 years for our first...3 miscarriages and 1.5 years for this most recent attempt! I have many medical issues hindering us. That said, I get it and PMS or not, you're not rude! I think you get my point too. Here's to your BFPs and singing with caution and empathy from your rooftops!

expecting- i though you were in the 2ww did AF arrive earlly??? and i completly agree with you so no need for apologies. i didnt think you were being rude at all.

and i think we all will tell people of our bfps but its just nice to know that people respect what we are going through and actually give a crap....its not that people have to baby us because they are pg and we arent its just the simple fact that some people are considerate because i know we all have friends that (may or may not mean to) rub it in our faces that they are pregnant and gripe about it for attention.

but anyways ive said my piece and no hard feelings toward anyone...sometimes its hard to to be on a chat forum because you can take things differently than what they were intended. (thats when the smiley faces come in handy

confession today!!!!! I have a kidney infection fml I just finished a round of antibiotics at the end of march for the same dam thing. In total this yr already I have been on 4 rounds of anitbiotics.. I have never had this many problems... All the crap the antibiotics have been for are all related to having low progesterone... and I'm getting really tired 1 of going to the walk in on a monthly basis,2 getting all these infections,3 feeling like crap all the time and 4th and final for no doctor listeing to me and giving me some progesterone!!!!!!! doesn't it make sense and the logical thing to do that if I have low progesterone is togive me a prescrption for it to balance me out.... why is no one listening to me!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure how many of you are Catholic or what religion you are, or your beliefs. But for those of you on here that are this has helped me a lot in all my negative feelings about TTC. I feel less sad or jealous when I hear others are expecting and with all my other negative/ bad thoughts. Enjoy!! and much baby dust to all us waiting to POAS!! =))

Lord, help me to know that you are enough. take my eyes off of myself. take my eyes off of the child I desire, help me to delight myself in you. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between you and me anymore.

Lord I want to give this desire this drive this ache to you. help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in your hands. Help me to be truly content with your will and your timing.

Lord you know that i still desire a baby, someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide and help to grow in you. but until the day you give me that joyus blessing help me to grow in you. let me reach out to those around me let me witness and minister to the children you place in my path.

Lord if adoption is the path you would have us take, prepare our hearts and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoptionis not your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of your plan. help me to stay submitted to my husbands will and to your will . If we are headed in the wrong direction change our hearts.

Thank you for lifting my burden help me to keep you first. let me seek your face daily and let me know that you are enough. Amen

Again sorry for those of you that are not religious, but this helped me and I read it daily.. Just wanted to offer this because i know this thread is about us feeling horrible and guilty in our situation trying to become mothers... =/ Best of luck to everyone!

I will be testing on May 1st!! I'm excited about this month.. *fingers crossed*

Well it looks like all the confusion has been cleared up but I feel I should add my two bits since I guess it was my post that started the controversy.

In no way do I expect women to keep their joy to themselves. Shouting it to the rooftops is normal in many cultures. But one of my "confessions" was that when I hear about a friend being pg or see their bump pictures and whatnot, especially all over facebook, I feel a twinge of jealousy and resentment and then I HATE myself for feeling that way instead of being purely happy for them. I just can't control my envy because it hurts so much to feel like such a failure. So when my friend told me she had considered that, I was just really amazed, so much so that I didn't feel that dark twinge in me because I only felt respect for her for even thinking about how others may feel. It's not like she's keeping it a secret, she's just not making a HUGE deal of it. I was impressed by her heart and consideration for others just because most women without fertility problems will never think of that. I'm not putting other women down, but rather putting this particular friend up on a pedestal.

As for me, if I am ever blessed by a pregnancy, I actually do plan to keep it pretty quiet. Yes, I will tell my family and closest friends about it. I won't lie about it if asked, but I won't be announcing it everywhere I go. That is my choice for a few reasons. For one, my own struggles have taught me a lot and I want to try to be sensitive to others around me because you never know who may be ttc with difficulty. Two, it's not the done thing in my husband's culture for that very reason- you aren't suppose to brag about your joys because it fuels jealousy. You are supposed to keep these things between those you are most intimate with and God. Three, I grew up in a small town and due to my involvement with many activities and groups, I became a big fish in a small pond. It was fun for a year but after a while I started to hate my lack of anonymity. I have worked since then to try to be more anonymous and keep my personal life personal. I don't like hearing my personal life, however positive it may be, being discussed by people I barely know in the grocery store

So that is what I meant when I posted about my friend. And I understand the point others were trying to make too. But like Joy (Expecting) said, this thread is meant to be a place to let out the darkness so that we can be happy. I didn't intend for this post to be rude or anything, just trying to clarify how I felt. Like NurseJones said, the problem with internet communication is the increased potential for misunderstanding

ALSO... (wait for it).... Welcome to all those who are new to the thread. Big to you all because I know what you are all going through. God willing, this will change for all of us before too long.

Joanie- I'm a stepmother as well so I understand the extra frustrations with that. I absolutely adore my stepson and we are super close, but I know he sees me more as a best friend than a parent. I need to have a child of my own to fully feel like a part of the family

Rachel- I have felt so many of those things!!! You are in the right place.

New confession- in the last month I've started nail biting again... I don't even need to think twice about what in my life is causing that...

It seems some of you were typing at the same time as me!

Aroma- I am getting angry for you!!! Your situation is SO frustrating!!! I'm sorry you can't seem to get proper healthcare!!! Big

Joanie-Thanks for sharing that hun! I'm not Catholic, but I am religious. I think I will try reading that everyday and hopefully it will calm me. Prayer in general usually does the trick for me.

and to you all!