Community post
Confessions of the Infertile Woman
Hi ladies. I know I'm not the only woman here who has fertility problems and sometimes feels very alone.
I'm only in my fourth month of ttc but I've been told by my doctor that due to a deformity of my uterus I may have some serious problems staying pregnant (if I'm ever blessed enough to even become pregnant). I will know more though after I get an mri tomorrow.
Anyway, sometimes thoughts pop into my head and then I feel guilty for thinking such negative things. I fear that if I confess these feelings to other people that they will judge me as a bad person or as insane as some of these things are irrational.
But I know I can't be the only one who experiences this.
So I thought I would create a thread where we can confess our frustrations and negative thoughts that we have regarding our fertility problems. I want this to be a place where we can freely express our emotions without anyone judging, just supporting.
Basically, I want a group therapy page!
So let me start off by giving some of my own confessions:
~When I see pictures of my friends' pregnant bellies, I feel jealous and angry
~I know I'm supposed to believe that God is testing me, but sometimes I feel like he is punishing me
~I get angry when I see people that don't take good care of themselves (much less their children) having babies when I can't.
~I judge other mothers as being less deserving
~I have constant nightmares about having miscarriage after miscarriage which cause me to wake up sweat drenched
~I feel like a failure as a woman
~I fear my husband may one day resent me if I can't give him children
~I fear this is somehow all my fault
~I hate myself for not being able to really be happy for my friends who have been blessed with children
~Sometimes the only way I can cheer myself up is by thinking "Well at least I won't lose my sexy body as quickly as my friends."
So many dark thoughts cross my mind sometimes and I was always a very happy, positive person before.
What dark thoughts do you have that you feel you can't share with anyone else?
288 Replies • 13 years ago
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Replies (sorted by hugs)
Hi everyone! Happy Easter!!!
I just got back from a weekend trip with my dh and it was just what the doctor called for. I needed to take a break from ttc. Maybe that little break will be what I needed?
I have a sorta funny confession (depending on how you look at it and I'm trying to find the humor in it instead of getting pissed). While my dh and I were in Miami this weekend, I saw this family on the sidewalk going through bags and not paying attention to their little girl who couldn't have even been 2 years old yet. I watched her wander into the street and I had to run after her and grab her because her parents hadn't noticed (that's the frustrating part). The funny part is that when I had the little girl back on the sidewalk (and the parents still hadn't noticed) before I let her go I looked at the parents and then looked at my dh. My dh just said "I know what you are thinking but no, you can't keep her. You have to give her back." He knew exactly what I was thinking
I thought to myself how funny it would be if I came on here and said "I went to Miami and I didn't get pregnant but I still got a baby!"
13 years ago • Post starter
Hi everyone! Happy Easter!!!
I just got back from a weekend trip with my dh and it was just what the doctor called for. I needed to take a break from ttc. Maybe that little break will be what I needed?
I have a sorta funny confession (depending on how you look at it and I'm trying to find the humor in it instead of getting pissed). While my dh and I were in Miami this weekend, I saw this family on the sidewalk going through bags and not paying attention to their little girl who couldn't have even been 2 years old yet. I watched her wander into the street and I had to run after her and grab her because her parents hadn't noticed (that's the frustrating part). The funny part is that when I had the little girl back on the sidewalk (and the parents still hadn't noticed) before I let her go I looked at the parents and then looked at my dh. My dh just said "I know what you are thinking but no, you can't keep her. You have to give her back." He knew exactly what I was thinking
I thought to myself how funny it would be if I came on here and said "I went to Miami and I didn't get pregnant but I still got a baby!"
13 years ago • Post starter
Aisha - LOL!! i so would have thought the same thing!! i hate when parents do that... so many times I have been out shopping and I walk down an isle that is completely empty aside from a cart with a small child in front... who does that?//
Glad you guys had a good trip tho! we've missed you!!
My confession - i feel guilty cause I get a little sad everytime someone (even on here) announces their pregnant cause I start feeling like if they got their bfp then there is less of a chance that I will too.
13 years ago
Happy Easter everyone! Confession of the day: I just got back from Easter with my boyfriends family and I was the ONLY one there without a kid. I wanted to cry I have been so emotional lately and just feel like it hopeless but I'm trying to be strong... So difficult but what else can I do
13 years ago
Joy- I know what you mean. For some weird reason I feel a little happier when someone on here gets a bfp than other people (which really makes no sense but maybe because I know how badly they want a baby and appreciate being pg). But at the same time I get frustrated especially if I feel like it wasn't "their turn."
That's why I really really really want you to get your BFP in a few days because as far as I'm concerned it's YOUR TURN. You've been trying for a long time. It's only fair that you should be next. And I mean what I'm about to say in a goofy way and not a creepy or mean way, but because I feel like there should be some sort of order in all this, I feel I can't/won't get my bfp until after you do, so you better get yours soon
13 years ago • Post starter
Joanie- we must have been typing at the same time. . That must have been awful. This is actually the first time I didn't spend a holiday with my family and sadly it was for that reason. My dh and I felt we needed some time just the two of us so we wouldn't be depressed by everyone else with kids. My dh isn't really as depressed as me since he has a son already, but he is upset because he knows I am depressed about it.
Rachel- If it made you feel better then that's all that matters! When I was growing up the "Easter Bunny" always hid baskets of candy for my sister and I and a basket of dog treats for our dog. My parent's new dog just got her first Easter basket today!
13 years ago • Post starter
Aisha - LoL! Thats too funny about the "not their turn" thing... I kind of agree sometimes. i am usually happy for the girls on here that get their bfps but it still does sting a little especially if it comes easy to them. Hopefully I will get my bfp next week and you'll be right behind me!! If not we're so getting twin bfps next cycle!!
rachelm - Thats such an awesome idea about the puppy bone hunt!! Wish I had thought of that!!
joanie - thats horrible about the family all having kids... we didnt do any family thing this year since my parents are away.
13 years ago
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