Community post
Confessions of the Infertile Woman
Hi ladies. I know I'm not the only woman here who has fertility problems and sometimes feels very alone.
I'm only in my fourth month of ttc but I've been told by my doctor that due to a deformity of my uterus I may have some serious problems staying pregnant (if I'm ever blessed enough to even become pregnant). I will know more though after I get an mri tomorrow.
Anyway, sometimes thoughts pop into my head and then I feel guilty for thinking such negative things. I fear that if I confess these feelings to other people that they will judge me as a bad person or as insane as some of these things are irrational.
But I know I can't be the only one who experiences this.
So I thought I would create a thread where we can confess our frustrations and negative thoughts that we have regarding our fertility problems. I want this to be a place where we can freely express our emotions without anyone judging, just supporting.
Basically, I want a group therapy page!
So let me start off by giving some of my own confessions:
~When I see pictures of my friends' pregnant bellies, I feel jealous and angry
~I know I'm supposed to believe that God is testing me, but sometimes I feel like he is punishing me
~I get angry when I see people that don't take good care of themselves (much less their children) having babies when I can't.
~I judge other mothers as being less deserving
~I have constant nightmares about having miscarriage after miscarriage which cause me to wake up sweat drenched
~I feel like a failure as a woman
~I fear my husband may one day resent me if I can't give him children
~I fear this is somehow all my fault
~I hate myself for not being able to really be happy for my friends who have been blessed with children
~Sometimes the only way I can cheer myself up is by thinking "Well at least I won't lose my sexy body as quickly as my friends."
So many dark thoughts cross my mind sometimes and I was always a very happy, positive person before.
What dark thoughts do you have that you feel you can't share with anyone else?
288 Replies • 13 years ago
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Replies (sorted by hugs)
dont feel bad rachel i am too 
. everyone i know has a baby or is pregnant except me and my hubby. its so frustrating and my pg friend just left from over here and all she did was yell at her belly because the baby kept kicking her (i know right? id love to get kicked constantly if it meant i was going to have a baby!!!) it just seems like they are ungrateful...im so sorry you are having to deal with your SIL and FB. FB can be the worst i had to take a break from it for a while myself because all the pg people! but dont let it get you down maybe this will be our month and then we can be those annoying FBers that are always posting about being pg 
its going to get better for all of us 
Shea
Soy Cycle1- 
Soy Cycle2- 
"For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37
13 years ago
Hi ladies!
Ugh fb is the worst for pregnant people! I swear SO many of my friends are preggo now or have small children Really my only close friend that isnt pg CAN'T get pg, and even she called me the other day thinking she might be! (She's not thank goodness - for both of us!!)
I am so sick of not be pg, and now my temp dropped to almost coverline this morning at 11dpo so my "I WILL be pg this cycle" might not be happening after all. 
Af would be due possibly as early as Easter Sunday or as late as the following Sunday. Easter sunday we are going to a friends house (who have a 2 week old baby) Should be nice and depressing if af shows up, or even if my temps keep falling. This bites!
13 years ago
nursejones - thanks hun, I havent completely given up hope... I know it is possible that at 11dpo it could have been implantatio, or even just a fluke. (Maybe I woke up in the middle of the night and just dont remember it and it screwed me up) Who knows!
It's just so discouraging to see my temp drop agian... this happened last cycle and my btt just kept falling and then finally ended with af. Last cycle it started falling at Cd30, and today is cd29. 
I dont think I could take another month of dissappointment.
13 years ago
Keep your hopes up ladies!! 1.5 years for me this time!! The one thing we did differently this past cycle was to go away for the weekend. We lived it up!! Ate, Drank and BD'd like we weren't trying!! We ordered champagne and had a grand ole time! I think that by just relaxing and having FUN - we were successful! Just stay positive...I know, it's ohhhh so hard!
BABY DUST!!!
13 years ago
Thanks everyone for your support! It's so incredibly refreshing to talk to people who get it!! We all have very different stories and situations but all are aiming for the dame goal! This will be all of our year!! last night we were watching Ice Age 2 and if u haven't seen it beware!! It's all about babies.. I went cry in the bathroom because I can't even watch movies or shows about babies or pregnancy without thinking why can't I get pregnant! That's horrible and boyfriend doesn't quite get it, but he's had three beautiful babies.. It's not the thrill anymore like it would be for me. I
7 dpo and so freaking emotional lately!! I hope that's a good sign because that's just about the only symptom I'm getting besides the occasional twinge.. and I may be a little constipated!! Haha the things we get excited over!! lol happy Easter ladies!!
13 years ago
Hi all!
Well my temp went back up this am!! Yay!! Hopefully that means I will get my bfp this cycle!!! 
Ugh, I was watching some of my shows yesterday and I swear they ALL had something to do with babies! In ONE episode of one tree hill there were two babies born!! C;mon!!! I am hoping that its a good sign for me - I keep seeing all these babys everywhere so maybe the babydust is rubbing off!
Cant decide if I should test tomorrow am (13dpo but af could be due anytime within the next 7-8days!) We're going to see our friends and their new baby, so I would be SO happy if I got my bfp before we went, on the other hand I would be SO depressed if I got a bfn... I am thinking I will still try and hold out for a while longer.
13 years ago
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