Community post

passion

Perhaps this is where I put my more pessimistic, realistic, grown up thoughts.... So, the thing about hormones and pregnancy is: you have some shit nights of sleep and are plagued with strange, sometimes very vivid dreams. I was having one of those nights last week. I don't even remember everything I was dreaming about. It was all very important at the moment. However, what I do remember, and will now never forget is the end of my dream, where my cousin walked up to me and told me she had miscarried. She told me should couldn't help it. The baby literally jumped out of her. How weird and horrid is that description? Well, I woke up a little after that ~5 or 6 am, disturbed. I laid in bed for a bit thinking about whether on not I should contact my cousin. She and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for months, not quite a year, if I remember correctly, and I was elated to get her phone call a month ago with the good news that she was expecting. I hadn't heard anything since our last text conversation, when she said everything was fine. Need I bother her with a silly dream? It couldn't hurt to check on her, right? So I texted, "Are you okay? I dreamt about you." She immediately responded that she was fine, now, but couldn't think of anything that could be the matter except her miscarriage, which surely I had heard about a week or 2 previously. Shocked, heartbroken, and crying, I responded that, no, no one told me, and that's what I had dreamt about. My family has these dreams sometimes-- dreaming bad things and waking up to find out they are true and just happened. My mother knew about her sister's fatal car accident in this way. I don't know why I would have this dream 2 weeks after the miscarriage. It didn't just happen. There was quite the delay in me finding out. I don't know why no one told me about it, and I had to figure it out myself. I don't know why these things happen to good people. How I wish I could put a stop to it. God has put a burden on my heart to notice, encourage, and pray for women with fertility issues. I hesitate to bring up my faith on this website for fear of alienating people. I just know that I'm not a person that has many passions. I get jealous of people and their causes and hobbies. I really don't care THAT much about much. I guess it's a good thing. I'm scientific. I can't get too carried away. It is not good for productivity. But this one thing. Women trying to conceive. Suffering with loss. Struggling with pregnancy symptoms or new parenting fears. This has become my passion over the last year. I am here for you, I hurt for you, I'm thinking about you, I'm praying for you, no matter how ineffective and insignificant that might sound coming over the internet. I just felt like I needed to share. It's hit home once again. I am constantly wishing and hoping for my sister and cousin conceive their first children (or rainbow baby) and join me in the crazy parenting club. And the same goes for you ladies on CTP. You have become family of sorts. (I am selfish and want you all to get pregnant, if only so I can feel better and stop worrying about you all so much. :P )

4 Comments • 9 years ago

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