Community post

One day at a time...

Tomorrow marks one week since my D&C. Last night was really rough for me. I got thinking about the baby (Zoe... Because I know it was a girl..) and about how much I wish she was still here. I thought about what it would be like having a daughter and about DS meeting his baby sister for the first time. Ever since the D&C I've been really... I don't know the word. Cuddly? Clingy? Just... Wanting physical contact. And it sucks because DH works evenings and doesn't get home until midnight. Long after I've gone to bed so I can work at 6 in the morning. And when he IS home, he drives me bananas. We bicker over the stupidest little things. I swear he does it just because he wants to get a rise out of me! (Like having a pissy fit that I wouldn't put together DS's train track after I repeatedly said I don't know how.)
People keep asking if we will try again and the honest answer is... I don't know. I thought, at first, that I would want to try again right away. Then I considered waiting a while. Right now, my mind is 90% made up that I won't. That I'm completely happy having just one. DS keeps us busy as it is and is already the love of my life. He makes my world go round and is more than I could ever ask for. So, I don't know.
I've been keeping busy with art projects and cleaning around the house. Besides work of course. Which sucks. I mean, I'm grateful to have a job. It pays the bills. (Although, in truth, if I could afford to be a stay at home mom I totally would.) But the amount of BS I deal with at work is ridiculous. Both from management and from customers. But that's customer service, I guess. Just have to keep that fake smile on (for customers and coworkers) and pretend that nothing's wrong and that life's the greatest it could be. Ugh... Makes me feel like that barbie from Toy Story 2!

2 Comments • 9 years ago

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