Community post

Grumpy Grumpster

Isn't it crazy how when you're trying to conceive, everywhere you look there's a pregnant person? They are sitting in front of you on the subway, standing next to you in line at the supermarket, popping up on facebook to announce their pregnancies (that's worse though, because you actually know those people and now have to be cordial and congratulate them and be excited for them, attend their baby showers and buy them gifts. Blech!). It seems like this is so easy for so many of the people I know, and I get frustrated at the unfairness of my situation. Why is it taking me so long to get pregnant? Why can't the doctors find anything wrong that is preventing this from happening? It's been quite a bit harder for me this month after my miscarriage last month. I can't help but think from time to time about how far along I would be (8 weeks would have been today), what I would be feeling, when I would tell my friends, etc. And that makes me very grumpy.

I did end up ovulating this month, although a little bit later than normal and later than I had hoped. Right now I am 4dpo. I tried not to put any pressure on this month or go my usual crazy TTC self. I'm not really sure how I feel about getting pregnant again. I am scared to get pregnant, and I'm scared not to. I'm scared to get pregnant for fear of another miscarriage, and scared that if I don't, I never will. Other than tracking my BBT to see if I ovulated, I've decided not to do any more tracking for this month; no BBT after today, no symptom spotting or recording. I just don't want to think about it right now. I know that next month I will have to decide more concretely about what I'm going to do because I will have to go back to the infertility clinic to go back on the clomid (this month was a month off because the MC put my days out of whack) and we'll have to decide if we want to do IUI, which we will have to do if we want to do IVF. I wish I was younger so I felt as if I had more time. 33 is too young to feel so old! And sometimes I feel so alone. It's helpful to come on here and vent to others who have similar experiences.

1 Comment • 9 years ago

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