Community post

Suddenly empty!

Its as if someone has flicked a switch and turned all my baby thinking and ttc obsessions off! Every month i tell myself not to get my hopes up and not to think about it but it never happens and i always get carried away, symptom spotting like crazy, having little daydreams of telling other half hes going to be a daddy...I very rarely admit how all consuming my ttc obsession actually is. After the chemical i tried to stop all the thoughts and take a little time out but despite this i couldn't seem to help myself. I noticed signs of ovulation and as i was in town i ended up buying an ovulation kit and sure enough it was positive and i thought that if i was ovulating as normal then surely i could conceive as normal. This led to us using conceive plus and dtd loads. This would normally be the beginning of the two week wait in which all my obsessions step up a gear and i spend each and every day constantly thinking of babies and spotting tiny little symptoms and hoping that each one is a good sign. But instead there has been nothing. I have done things that are just a part of my routine after months of actively trying like checking my cervix but purely so i can fill it in on here. So imagine my surprise when this morning i log in and see that i am 10 dpo already. Normally at 10 dpo i am caving in and peeing on a stick just in case but i don't even have the faintest urge to do that. In fact i have no urge or desire to do anything. I have no symptoms, no feelings, no thoughts. I had a look at previous cycles and by now i generally have tender boobs, a bit of back ache, a bit of nausea but there is nothing.Its like the spark has gone out and i feel removed from the whole thing. Like i have given up without even realising it.

3 Comments • 10 years ago

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