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1babyplz

I hate that empty feeling

Im my own worst enemy at times. When i have to sit still and deal with me it always ends badly.... I think about my mc and that i should have a 4 month hold baby in my arms... or why am i not pregnant yet?! Why cant i focus on all the good i have? Is it human nature to really want what you dont have...or is it me being ungrateful? I want a Godly heart, a heart that knows and sees all and is always at peace. I want peace and happiness back. I want to enjoy the small things again, and soak up every minute with my son. I dont want to be sad and depressed because i dont want that for him!!!! I take for granted what i have, and i need to grasp what is important in life again.... At this very moment my son is next to me on the couch. He is palying a game on my phone while climbing all over me and doing that thing kids do best ( digging there feet into your back and legs) I find myself getting frustrated with him... Its making it hard for me to type... OMG how selfish does that sound?! Instead of loving these moments I complain about them! Maybe God is telling me something... Why should i give you another child if all your gonna do is complain when they frustrate you or at like a kid!!! POINT TAKEN!!!! I am Going to make a true effort to really be there for my son and not sweat the small things... I will be the best mommy i can be!!! I am really going to try to relax this month TTC and not get so wrapped up in it. I lose sight of the family i have right in front of me... and I need to let go of the feeling of missing a child thats not here. Sorry to rant or get off subject, but i need to get it out... THANKS

2 Comments • 11 years ago

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joker31

It does you good to get out the things you have built up inside.
When your wanting something it doesnt matter what you already have it doesn't make you want it any less.

You are so very lucky to have what you do have and you know it and thats why you feel the way you do, and it shows your a great person inside for feeling the things you feel. I'm sure your a great mum.

Its nice to relax and take time out when your feeling stressed, my kids always make me feel better, just by watching them play, or seeing my eldest doing her homework and doing well in school.

I'm sure your time will come. :)