Community post

Hey ladies. So my hopes of becoming prego anytime soon is shattered. My bf and I are going through some issues. Let me give you guys a quick briefing of the last few years.

Ok, so met my bf in Jan of 2009, been together since. Every week I go back and forth between my bf's house and my mother's house. I'm usually at my bf's 4 days out of the week and my mother the other 3. My attention has to be shared amongst several people. I spread myself thin trying to please everyone except for myself.

Last Nov, i got fired from my job for the most dumb reason and it took me 4 months to find this one. Let me tell you why. After i got fired, i was depressed at first and then i got comfortable with not working and started to get lazy with myself and my relationship. So, my bf and i talked and he basically gave me an ultimatum, get myself together or we can't make this work. So, I was determined not to lose him and also get myself back on track and found this job i'm at now, 2 weeks later. We didn't talk much at all for another 2 weeks because he was working things out for himself as well. The 4th week of us being apart, he texted me and told me he tried to get over me and couldn't. So, I went over that night and we talked and then we danced and we were so close after that.

Moving forward to this month. The last couple of days I noticed he was being really distant. Sometimes, he does that (he was an only child and he's a loner so i got used to him doing that every now and then). Well, today was my day to go back to my mother's house and so he left early in the morning to take care of some business.

I left around 3pm and when i got home, my mom told me he came by and talked to her for about an hour and expressed some concerns he had for me. Apparently, I've become too comfortable with our living situation and he wants me to focus on myself and get back into school, back on birth control (which i won't do) and start following through with whatever i do. He's not breaking up with me, but he wants me to stay home and work on myself. He told my mother, that he's not where he wants to be in life for a child right now.

He also told her that I need to learn to take care of myself and be more active. He wants me to not make him my number one priority and work harder on getting back on track. I'm so heartbroken and can't stop crying. I pay all of my bills myself, the only thing i don't have to pay for is a place to live because i don't make enough money. My mother doesn't even want me to move out because she likes having me around, i'm hardly home anyway because of my work schedule. What more can you ask for?? I'm not ready to give up these last almost 4 yrs. So i'm more determined now than i ever was to get back ion track.

I do want a child now, but i can't do it by myself. I will have to deal with waiting. My mother told me "just do what you need to do and everything will be okay". It's so hard to stop the tears from falling even as i type this and I'm at work. Luckily, no one else is in the office.

I'm so sorry for the long post, but i had to get this off my chest. I will still be coming on here all the time to see what's up. If someone could help me shed some light on my situation, i would be grateful.

enbutler there sounds like there is something he isn't telling you. I mean I don't know him but why would he go talk to your mom and not tell you. I went through a break up six years ago where we were engaged and he was getting very distant and I didn't know why and I found out he was talking to his ex behind my back. He tried to play it off as she needed a male opinion about her relationship so I emailed her and asked her to stop talking to him. well she forwarded me an email that he sent her saying to just call him from now on. I'm not saying that it is the same situation, but if it isn't going to work out wouldn't you rather know now than before you have a baby. You may think that you all are very happy but if you both aren't then the relationship won't work. Communication is definitely the key and my husband have definitely proven that no matter how much you have to scream lol voicing how you feel is better than not. Our first year of marriage was very interesting lol but we are better because of it. Hope I helped :) and good luck.

Oh Enbutler! I'm so sorry sweetheart! Talk about a kick in the gut. I read your post to dh for a guy's point of view and he said it sounds like he's just not ready to settle down yet. He wants time for himself and wants to know that you are an independent woman. I know it's frustrating that he went behind your back to nag to your mom but dh said at the same time it says he cares about you enough to have a talk with your mom. If he wanted to end it, he wouldnt have shown concern to your mom. But he still should have talked to you. Wow! I'm in shock though. I wish I was there to be a shoulder to cry on. But at the same time I'm glad I'm not there cause you'd have to hold me back to keep from slugging him.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this hun. We'll miss having you on here and I really wanted to hear about the horny goat weed. I'm sure you wont want to be pleasuring him anytime soon.
The only advice I can give it to trust in Jesus, hand it over to him. His love never fails. If you guys are able to work through this, wonderful. If you're not and things end, then that is wonderful too. Sometimes heartbreak is God saving us from the wrong one.

@athena, i know what his situation is. I'm really upset at the fact he didn't talk to me about it first. And i know him well enough to know that if he wanted to break up with me, he wouldn't have just talked to my mom about it.

@waiting let the dh know, i appreciate his point of view and i have to agree. Like i was saying, i know him well enough to know that if he wanted to break up, he would have come straight to me instead of dragging it out longer.

I will have to trust in God and lay this in his hands. If it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be, but i will still try to work this out because i'm not ready to give up yet. I want him to know that he hurt me again, but at the same time, i don't want to talk to him right now.

I think i'll just leave him be for now. I hate going through this, but clearly i have to. Don't worry, i'll still be on here chatting with you guys. I don't have be ttc at this very moment to say hello right??

@enbutler I hope you get it all figured out. As I said I don't know him, I was just trying to help from a situation I was in. Just give it to God and He will see you through no matter the outcome. For me what I thought I wanted wasn't exactly what He wanted for me. Hope it all works out for you sweetie.

so funny! are you a mind-reader? my DH-to be thinks I'm nuts - I obsess over every little change in my body now, hoping for some foolproof evidence that I'm pregnant. I know, I know...I have to wait.

by the way, I'm replying to the original posting in this thread, not to current discussion.

@athena thank you for the help and advice. It did help me to think about it more. Although, i keep having crying spells for some reason. Only time will tell i suppose. Like i said, i'll still be on here chatting with you guys and keep you updated.

@Enbutler Have you talked to him or are you just going to give him his space?

@athena, i'm just giving him his space. When he's like this, he won't answer the phone anyway, there's no point in trying. He'll call me when he wants to talk. I'm not gonna stress on it anymore, i'm done crying and i'm done stressing over something i shouldn't be.

I'm just going to focus on myself and do what i need to do.

well that's good. don't sit around waiting for him for too long especially if this isn't the first time because you don't want him to make a habit of it ya know.