Community post

today

Sunday at 2am in the hospital, I was balling my eyes out because of the pain, and when the pain began to fade...I was crying because I didn't want to lose my bean. After they confirmed that my levels had been 9, I knew right away what had happened. The doctor said i miscarried at the begginning of last week and the internal exam must have triggered the release of tissue. he said it could be that my period recognized it needed to start and with it came out the tissue. I was only 4 weeks along when it happened and we keep telling ourselves it wasn't even a baby yet.
But today it is hitting me, I HAD the symptoms, I was enjoying them! being hungry, fatigued, heartburny...even the nasea. I was enjoying it because the bean i had waited so long for was in me, and I dreamed of what he would look like and how his brother would hold him, how our dog would lick him or her and how it would make our family that much happier!
And today it hit me...I wasn't pregnant anymore.
the symptoms stopped friday.
I miss them so much, it hurts.
It was my first miscarriage, and now i'm terrified to try again.
I am so scared because I do not want to go through that again.
I do not want to lose my bean again.
I am wary of trying to have another. It scares me, the thought of being pregnant again.
I start a kick your butt into shape program with a friend tommorow. am honestly looking forward to it.
I need something to get my mind off of this...I always think too much about things when i'm alone during the day. But today I need to rest and relax and sleep.
and thats what i will do. and hopefully this hurt will subside for now.

*.*.*BABY DUST FOR ALL!!!*.*.*

...and sticky beans too!

2 Comments • 11 years ago

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