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So Many Feelings
So I've had an eventful week. My precious kitty fur baby getting sick was an unexpected expense. It was also a huge drain emotionally. I spent most of last week unsure as to whether or not I would be putting him down. He's better in a way but he hasn't recovered yet and that keeps me worried for him. I'm hoping that He'll still be alive by Christmas but I'm not fully convinced he will be.
To top that all off, AF showed for me this weekend. This marks the end of my chance for a successful IUI. We will likely be told that our only option moving forward is IVF. The Dr basically told me tht during our last IUI. I've felt so much in the past few days. I was heartbroken and angry, I was afraid of the future and I was tired. So tired of this process. I know many have gone through much more for much longer but it's still been exhausting for me. I'm finally calm and accepting. The fear is still there though, I afraid of about IVF and how we're going to be able to afford it. I'm afraid of how I'll cope with being given needles everyday, I'm really not a fan of them. I'm afraid of that I may eventually have to give myself needles. I worry that I'll chicken out and waste a lot of money that we could have put towards other things like a house. But most of all I'm afraid that I'll go through everything and it won't make a difference, that I will never hold my own child in my arms.
The future is a scary place for me right now, I might as well not dwell on it though. I'll focus on the happy things and the things I can control. Maybe if I work on being the best me I can, I'll be ready for the next set of hurdles life puts in my way. Whatever life brings I will face and overcome it.
May 30, 2015: IUI #2, 
Jul 31, 2015: IUI #3, 
3 Comments • 8 years ago
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I kow you are afraid and I'm sure any one of us would be afraid, especially if you are afraid of needles because I definitely am. This process is very stressful and can be very frustrating. I believe that if you have come this far you will be able to get further than you may know yourself. Just stand up every morning and look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to be confident and you got what ever is going to come your way. You know we got your back up here whenever you need it. Don't worry you will have your little miracle in your arms before you know it.
Good Luck!
8 years ago
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