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Why me?
So I wake up to a text this morning that my SIL is at the hospital because her water broke. All new life is exiting but I have some serious ramped up emotions over this particular pregnancy.
Lets start from the beginning. We all used to hang out all the time. My SIL and I were very close and we told each other everything. So for a year we talked about how DH and I were going to start TTCing in September of 2013. We also had conversations about what we were going to name our children. There is a 6 yr old child that my BIL has with an ex that they never see nor did they have visitation with until just this past week. September 1 I get a text saying they are going to ttc as well. Oh dear lord the emotions that went through me. What about my niece that you claim to love? I have a serious problem with the whole situation. How can you want a child with a man that has one that he doesn't see, that he doesn't fight for? Well needless to say they were pregnant in 2 months. All the while I am struggling to go longer than 7 days between periods. I lost all respect for both of them when they decided to start a family and NOT have any visitation with my niece. Also they used our name....who does that??? I don't talk to them much anymore if at all since DH was in the hospital in Jan and neither of them called or came by. I did tell them about the loss of our baby only to have my BIL not say a damn thing. He still hasn't said anything to his brother about it. Not to mention my BIL hasn't even text his own brother to let him know they are at the hospital. But we are the first ones to get a text or call when they need something. Rant over
All morning I have been on the verge of tears asking God why? We are financially secure. We have full time jobs with benefits. We own our own home. We have so much love to give. Why do we have to struggle to become parents when it happens so easily for many others? Why am I not pregnant? What have I done to deserve this?
I know all when happen when it is supposed to but that definitely is not making me feel any better at the moment.
, 
6/5/14
2 Comments • 9 years ago
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Comments
Oh sweetie, it's so difficult and seems so unfair when you're so full of love and ready to be a family but struggle month after month whilst those around you seem to fall pregnant as easily as falling over! Try and take some joy in the arrival of your new neice/nephew, you will be holding your miracle soon too I'm sure of it...and you'll find another beautiful name to give it (but keep it secret ;-)). Big Hugs xxx
9 years ago
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