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Tomorrow will be a difficult day for me.

Tomorrow is always a hard day for me. Tomorrow was our first baby's due date, which I always consider it Jesse's birthday. Tomorrow our little Jesse would be turning three. I try not to think of the "what ifs" but I can not help but wonder what my little cashew would have been like; what his/her smile would look like, or what the glorious sound of cashew's laugh would sound like. I can only imagine these things of my Jesse, and I can tell you that I believe Jesse is too beautiful for this earth. What I wouldn't give to have just one day to hold my baby, even if it was just for a moment. I would never wish a loss of a baby on my greatest enemy. Losing my Cashew was by far one of the hardest and most heart wrenching things I have ever gone through, and that pain always stays with me. I feel blessed to be a mother of an angel baby, because I have taken my experience to help others who have gone through loss as well. I say that I feel blessed because even though I didn't get my happy ending with Cashew, I still experienced life within me, that unconditional love, those little flutters that make your heart grow with love. And because of that I feel so lucky to have the time that I did with my baby, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. My dearest Jesse mommy loves you with all of my heart, and I miss you more with each passing day. Happy birthday my angel baby. Tomorrow we will be celebrating you. Love you always and forever. <3 Mommy

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