Community post

Am I Wrong?

Am I wrong that sometimes I just want to go and get insaminated on my own? Am I wrong that I just want to take my hubby's sperm some way or the other and get the job done at a clinic or a fertility specialist? Am I wrong for thinking these things? Am I wrong for thinking that me wanting a baby so bad is consuming my whole life? I just want to have a baby so bad and I don't understand why it's not happening. It's like the things you want the most doesn't happen. It's crazy because I wanted this position at my job and I applied and instead of that I actually got promoted. I'm only 25 and I'm moving up higher and this is everything that I was hoping for. I'm tired of hearing people tell me to wait that I'm still young and it will happen. But like I tell some of the ladies up here, you have to find some little light out of all the darkness and sometimes it's hard to find light when you feel light you are in pure darkness. The only thing that I'm missing now is my miracle baby.

Sometimes I get fed up of having to test and record this and check that and do this. I just don't understand how it's happened to me before with ease, and now that I'm with my hubby nothing is happening. I wenton vacation recently and I had the best time ever, but in the back of my mind I was wishing that we were loading up for one more.

I'm trying to keep my head up and not focus on giving up, but sometimes that's all that I think about. I can support and encourage the different ladies up here, but it's definitely hard to see the positive when your in your corner. Sometimes I have no confidence and I feel like I'm out before I even ovulated, which is how I'm feeling now. Sometimes I feel like I have the biggest confidence booster ever. How do I go on feeling like this. I wrote a journal entry on having a dream and it feeling like reality, but then when will my dream become my reality?

2 Comments • 8 years ago

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