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Balancing Reality

I actually had a really good Halloween until I went to sleep that night. I found myself in a dream that I could not wake myself out of and for some reason I actually liked seeing what I was seeing. I saw myself pregnant standing with women who I'm not sure who they were. I don't know where I was or what exactly I was doing, but I was enjoying every minute of it. This time this dream actually felt so real which is scary. It's like I was watching myself on the side. I was in conversation with one of these women. I started to realize that I started to bend over and put my hands on the couch in front of me for some support. My breathing started to get a little bit more heavier. Everyone was asking if I was ok and that if I needed to sit down because I have chronic asthma and I was high risk. I told them I was ok, and I started to bend over some more. I actually started sinking to the floor which seemed that it was more comfortable down there.

I was trying to force myself awake, but because I wasn't waking up, my mind figured that , that is reality. I heard someone say call the mid-wife and I looked up and was very confused. I started to feel more and more pain and then I opened my eyes. I took a couple of blinks to try to figure out what was going on. I thught maybe it was real and it happened and my baby was in the next room. I was actually really confused for a couple of minutes because I was sweating alot when I woke up.

When I realized it was just a dream my whole world shattered a little. I don't like the fact that your dreams like to play games with you sometimes. This is the one time that I didn't want to have a dream like this in the ending of my tww with AF due on Nov 4th. During the day yesterday, I went to the bathroom and saw that there was a light pinkish cm on the toilet paper. I wanted to just sit and cry. I checked back hours later and nothing was there. I'm just hoping that is something real and will happen this time for real.

Because it was so hard to seperate reality and having a dream like that.

3 Comments • 8 years ago

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